Quotes from "apartment"

from the set of katherine heigl's new romantic comedy

36 [+ / -] May 25, 2009

Girl 1: I don't know if he thinks it's a real date or not.
Girl 2: I'll be able to tell through my binoculars.

Wtf?

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or he could be a turfgrass management major

103 [+ / -] Mar 18, 2009

Drunk Guy 1: What class do you have at nine?
Drunk Guy 2: Fire ants.
Drunk Guy 1: What?
Drunk Guy 3: I assume he meant finance.

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political correctness isn't just for the sober anymore

108 [+ / -] Jan 20, 2009

Sober Guy: Don't be such a retard!
Drunk Guy: They prefer the term "little people."

Mac

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the shortest point between two dumbasses is a straight line

80 [+ / -] Nov 23, 2008

Girl 1: How far away do you live from Hannah?
Girl 2: About an hour.
Girl 1: Oh, how far away does she live from you?

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talk about a bone-crushing sunburn

40 [+ / -] Aug 04, 2008

(Cloudy day at community pool, a girl and her boyfriend are laying out)
Boyfriend: I don't think this is gonna work, there are to many massive clouds in the sky.
Girlfriend: Don't worry! The SUVs are still coming down!

Westside Heights Apartment pool

Guess

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only because she refuses to sleep with you

49 [+ / -] Jul 30, 2008

Guy on cell: And you know what, dude? I don't even think of her as as a stripper, I just think of her as this really hot girl I get to hang out with.

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did we have a good time?

-9 [+ / -] Jun 30, 2008

Drunk Girl 1: So what did you do tonight?
Drunk Girl 2: I went downtown with you dum-dum.
Drunk Girl 1: Oh yeah, I think someone just told me that!

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everything i need to know i learned from my daddy

77 [+ / -] Jun 09, 2008

Father: Come on, let's go.
Little Girl: Daddy, I have to go to the bathroom.
Father: Just pee in the pool.

University Apartments pool

Bellige

Ew.

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a case of mistaken identa-p

-102 [+ / -] Jun 06, 2008

Girl 1: Hey Ronda P! How you doin'?
Girl 2: What?
Girl 1: How you been, Ronda P?
Girl 2: What are you talking about? I didn't pee.

apartments

ilovenitesh

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when blindfolded and one arm behind your back just isn't enough

44 [+ / -] May 01, 2008

Guy 1: I'm gonna start buying unlubricated condoms
Guy 2: Why?
Guy 1: Hmm... I dunno, I guess I like a challenge.

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let's hope he has workman's comp

-51 [+ / -] Mar 19, 2008

Roommate 1: Check this out, its the world's oldest stripper. He said he got started as a way to exercise after prostate cancer.
Roommate 2: Prostate cancer? So... he lost a nut?

Can We Call You Sandy? (15)

Ew.

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surrender your voter registration card immediately, please

30 [+ / -] Feb 22, 2008

Girl 1: Who won the Georgia primaries?
Girl 2: Barack and McCain.
Girl 1: No... it was Obama!

my apartment

AB

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its ok... her boyfriend thinks she's a mattress

-14 [+ / -] Feb 18, 2008

Drunk girl: (lying in bed) Where's my body?
Sober guy: Uh...
Drunk girl: My pillow, I meant my body pillow.

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that's what happens when you knead it

-31 [+ / -] Dec 11, 2007

(Two girls are making sugar cookies)
Girl 1: So did you make the penis free formed? I mean it looks like you used a cookie cutter.
Girl 2: No, I mean it's a freakin' penis.
Girl 1: Well, the lines just look so smooth! I mean... the shaft.

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son, you're going to go far

124 [+ / -] Dec 03, 2007

Girl: So, all your friends are playing Halo and eating pizza over there tonight? Why are you at our place?
Guy: I like Halo and I like pizza. But I like girls more.

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the shaming possibilities are endless

186 [+ / -] Nov 30, 2007

(Drunk guy stumbles into apartment in the middle of the night)
Guy 1: (in bed) Hey, man, this isn't your place.
Drunk guy: Huh?
Guy 1: Wherever you think you are, you're not.
Drunk guy: Yeah dude, I know. But I don't have anywhere to stay tonight, so can I like crash on your couch? I swear I won't touch any of your shit or break anything or take anything.
Guy 1: Well... ok.
Guy 2: (in the same bed) Man, when he wakes up, he's gonna be like, "Holy shit, I've stumbled on a nest of queers!"

My friend's apartment

Anon

Gay

Drinking

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the kind that thinks for themselves

171 [+ / -] Oct 30, 2007

Five-year-old Indian girl: (to her friend) So, what kind of a doctor do you want to be when you grow up?

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how else would you explain charleston?

58 [+ / -] Oct 25, 2007

Girl 1: Did you know that cocaine is legal in Colombia?
Girl 2: How is coke legal in South Carolina?!

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mal·a·prop·ism [mal-uh-prop-iz-uhm]: an act or habit of misusing words ridiculously, esp. by the confusion of words that are similar in sound.

45 [+ / -] Oct 07, 2007

Girl 1: Oh, you got your hair cut?
Girl 2: Yeah. Do you like it? Tell me what you think. Be frugal!

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isn't that every young girl's dream?

152 [+ / -] Jul 24, 2007

Sorostitute 1: I wish I could live back then and be one of those girls who gets paid to have sex with hot guys.
Sorostitute 2: You just admitted you wanted to be a hooker.

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it's like the weather channel: tomorrow night will be a frank

-38 [+ / -] May 26, 2007

Girl 1: Evan... Eric... I know it starts with an E.
(Girl 2 enters)
Girl 1: Is it bad that I don't remember his name?
Girl 2: It's okay I don't remember mines' either.
Girl 1: Evan.. .Evan... I'm pretty sure it was Evan. I've never had an Evan before. That'll work.

proud to be "that girl"

Ew.

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being a dumbass is extra curricular

-51 [+ / -] May 18, 2007

White guy: Studying at UGA is optionary.

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drug awareness day: marijuana causes paranoia

34 [+ / -] May 17, 2007

Stoned guy: Man, I'm gonna be in poverty until I get my rebate check. Then I'll have money for food. And I'm not gonna spend it on anything else.
Sober guy: Nintendo Wii...
Stoned guy: Fuck you man. Dammit, now I'm gonna starve and it's gonna be your fault, and you'll get the Wii. That was your plan all along, wasn't it?

My Apartment

Kronos

Drugs

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any fresher and you'd have to slap it

49 [+ / -] May 07, 2007

Boxer-clad Fratty on cell: I just got the freshest hair cut imaginable. It's so fresh. I'm gonna have to shave every day to match this haircut. Oh my god, it's so fresh. Freshest haircut imaginable.

Apartment Parking Lot

Jessica

Greek Life

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cart... meet horse

57 [+ / -] Apr 07, 2007

Guy: You're drunk.
Girl: I can't be drunk! I drove here!

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only on second hand booze

68 [+ / -] Mar 28, 2007

Girl 1: I can't wait until I finally drink on my 21st birthday.
Girl 2: So, you have never drank before?
Girl 1: No.
Girl 2: Wow! That is amazing! So... have you ever been drunk?

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almost as complicated as shake 'n' bake

124 [+ / -] Mar 20, 2007

(Two girls are doing laundry)
Girl 1: (holding Spray 'n' Wash) Okay, so with this stuff... do I spray? And then, wash?
Girl 2: Are you serious?

katy

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Riverbend Club Apartments

the infamous "tazmanian devil" technique

54 [+ / -] Jan 29, 2007

Drunk guy: Hey ladies!
(Drunk guy jumps on the hood of a car and rolls off)
Drunk guy: Did you see that?! That's what I can do between your legs!

M&M

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it must be a leap year

28 [+ / -] Nov 08, 2006

Sorostitute: Yall, did you know that Thanksgiving is on a Friday this year?
Friend: No, it's always on a Thursday.
Sorostitue: No not this year. I have to cheer on Saturday and that is the day after Thanksgiving.

Univ. Commons Apartments

NA

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he's dying of hunger

112 [+ / -] Sep 19, 2006

Guy 1: So how hungry are you on a scale of 1 to Ethiopia?
Guy 2: Terri Schiavo

my apartment

Preet

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the perfect opportunity for a your mom joke

-23 [+ / -] Sep 11, 2006

Girl roomie 1: Your drink looks like vaginal discharge!Girl roomie 2: Ewww! Thanks a lot!Girl roomie 1: At least it doesn't taste like vaginal discharge.Girl roomie 2: How do you know what vaginal discharge tastes like?

Roomie

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we're scared already

75 [+ / -] Aug 31, 2006

Girl 1: I'm going to donate my eggs!Girl 2: But... that means you'll have offspring running around that you won't know about.Girl 1: Yes! But they won't be mine! It's like my genetic attack on society.

Dawn

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white chocolate isnt real chocolate

18 [+ / -] Jul 30, 2006

(After hearing a black guy make a joke on TV about his white lover liking "chocolate")
White boy 1: Man, black guys get all the good lines like that. I mean what do white guys have?
White boy 2: Well, on average, a half-inch shorter penis I guess.

Aspen Apartments

Neil

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this is what happens when you let you boyfriend tell you what six inches looks like

58 [+ / -] Jul 17, 2006

Girl 1: What's the longest homerun ever hit?
Guy: I think Mickey Mantle supposedly hit one about 600 feet.
Girl 2: That's almost a mile!

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he met her after the vasectomy

8 [+ / -] Jun 29, 2006

Guy: I became friends with you too late.Girl: Yeah, you missed out on a lot of cool things you could've done with me.Guy: Yeah, like babies.

n/a

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the aesthetic of the lamp is like, totally key

31 [+ / -] Jun 28, 2006

Guy: That's an ugly lamp. Don't you think that's an ugly lamp?Art kid: well...Guy: Oh that's right, you're an art major. If I drew a line on a piece of paper and had a famous art name, you would love me.

sparkles

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they cause cancer... not stupidity

-24 [+ / -] Jun 16, 2006

Girl: Oh my goodness! Have you seen the new Camel Wides packs with the tatoo art?
Guy: Yeah, that's my pack.
Girl: Yeah I know, but have you seen them?

me

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she'd fit right in at the business school

38 [+ / -] Jun 10, 2006

Drunk girl 1: You know what I just realized? My friends are all at least decently attractive and moderately intelligent people. I just don't have ugly stupid friends.Drunk girl 2: Until you met me. I'm like the dot out of place on a best fit line graph.Drunk girl 1: That's right, you lower the curve.

the apartment.

leeee

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proof that vegans live past twenty five

11 [+ / -] Jun 09, 2006

(Thirty-somethings sitting by the pool)Guy 1: Yeah, it was probably a mistake taking her to Ozzfest. There were people shooting drugs and getting busted by the cops right beside us.Girl 1: That is so stupid, doing that in public.Girl 2: Yeah, I wouldn't shoot drugs into my arm. I mean, I would try weed and heroine. At least those are made from plants; they're natural.

apartment pool

tay

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there goes your social life

10 [+ / -] Jun 08, 2006

Girl 1: (eating mixed nuts) Mmmhmmkihhhg.
Girl 2: What? I can't understand you around the nuts in your mouth.

lee

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let's make a deal

-13 [+ / -] May 25, 2006

Girl 1: I heard about the mayor of some city accepting sexual favors in exchange for paying women's water bills.
Girl 2: I mean, come on, you could at least ask for something bigger like the power bill.
Girl 1: (shouts) Wanna pay our power bill? [Girl 2] will suck your dick!

My apartment

K

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i guess he didn't mean AA chips

-13 [+ / -] May 16, 2006

Guy: Hey, hey, you know what we should get the next time we get drunk?
Girl: You mean like, tomorrow?
Guy: Well... yeah.

sparkles

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but not as correct as desuffraged

1 [+ / -] May 15, 2006

Roommate 1: (intoxicated, as someone sits in her field of vision) I've just been disenfranchised!Roommate 2: You've lost the right to vote?Roommate 2: Well, it sounded smarter than discombobulated.

Lil' A's Apartment

K

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studies show that 9 out of 10 people prefer girl butt

16 [+ / -] May 12, 2006

Girl 1: Yeah, he shows his butt any time he can. At baseball games, at school, in the greenhouse.Girl 2: Boy butt is nasty, especially hairy boy butt like his.Girl 1: Girl butt isn't all that great either.

TG

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yeah... they're called babies

-24 [+ / -] Apr 28, 2006

Drunken roommate: I wonder if there are any handicapped people without arms and legs that you could punt like a football.

my apartment

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but it's my turn with the sex box!

32 [+ / -] Apr 26, 2006

Naked Guy holding VCR: Does anybody know how to work this thing?

Professor's Apartment

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it's like that scene in indiana jones

52 [+ / -] Apr 24, 2006

Guy: Yeah I watched this thing on Discovery and they used to put pebbles in their vagina as a form or birth control.
Girl: Well [she] needs a big ole cement block.

My Apartment

TJ Amigo

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jesus does nazareth

-14 [+ / -] Apr 19, 2006

(Girl walks in while her friends are watching tv.)
Girl: Hey, why'd you turn it off? What were you watching?
Guy: The Jesus Channel.
Girl: You were watching porn?!

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but is it vegan?

-10 [+ / -] Apr 18, 2006

Roommate 1: It was the point at which in church on Easter Sunday, as I was about to participate in the Lord's Supper and I thought "I bet this isn't on South Beach," that I realized that this is a little ridiculous.
Roommate 2: That's ok, you can just covert to Catholicism. They believe that the bread transubstantiates into the actual flesh of Christ... and that's a protein.

our apartment

K

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so you can't hear each other?

-38 [+ / -] Apr 08, 2006

Sorosistute 1: It's like phone-sex without the phone!
Sorosistute 2: (slaps hand over her forehead) Oh, my God! No way!

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a brand new form of birth control

6 [+ / -] Mar 27, 2006

Girl: (watching The Real World) I love gay guys... I'm gonna marry one.

Shiesty Bugger

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