Brand New:
Overseen in Athens


For years you've been watching your tongue so that what you say doesn't end up here. Now, you'll have to watch how you look. You never know who has a camera.

Here's the link
 

Quotes from "athens"


if it's on the internet, it must be true

28 [+ / -]     Jan 06, 2010

  • Girl: Oh, hey! Happy Birthday! I saw it on Facebook.
  • Guy: Um, my birthday's not for a month.
  • Girl: Are you sure?

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round two: guess what city we're in!

34 [+ / -]     Aug 18, 2009

  • Girl: I don't like what this place has, we need to go to Target.
  • Guy: We are at Target.
  • Girl: No, were at Wal-Mart!
  • Guy: Um, Look around. We are at Target.
  • (pause)
  • Girl: Shit!

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yes, i do work on commission. why do you ask?

28 [+ / -]     Jun 30, 2009

  • Girl: Can you tell me the differences between the Dodge Ram 1500 and the Ford F-150?
  • Car Salesman: I don't know much about cars, just what's on the sticker.

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extra tender, juicy toes

16 [+ / -]     Mar 05, 2009

  • Pregnant technician: (looking at a pregnancy pamphlet) Okay, when it says "chicken is a good source of protein," do they mean fried chicken?
  • Pharmacist: Only if you want your baby to have extra toes.

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they're clearly from another planet, so the answer could be anything

-42 [+ / -]     Feb 23, 2009

  • Technician 1: How many toes are you supposed to have?
  • Technician 2: Uh... seriously?
  • Technician 1: Yes seriously, I haven't counted lately!

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"stay in school" apparently doesn't count

-71 [+ / -]     Jan 17, 2009

  • Girl 1: So, the bartender at the club was really rude to me! He called me out at the end of the night for not tipping him! I couldn't believe it!
  • Girl 2: Well, how many beers did you have?
  • Girl 1: Five.

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the only thing more politically charged than this election is the tri-delt house

76 [+ / -]     Oct 29, 2008

  • Girl: That's weird that we're going to have a new president in a week.
  • Sorostitute: I know! I wonder who's running? Will she be younger, I guess? Our sorority needs a new president.
  • Girl: Um, I mean of the United States.

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we'd hate to see another one fall in and drown

-21 [+ / -]     May 27, 2008

  • Drunk Guy 1: I gotta piss.
  • (Drunk Guy 1 gets up to go to restroom. Drunk Guy 2 begins to follow.)
  • Drunk Girl: Where are you going?
  • Drunk Guy 2: He might need my help. He's just a skinny little white kid.

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have you been drinking tonight, officer?

194 [+ / -]     Apr 04, 2008

  • Cop: So what's your major?
  • Girl: I'm majoring in geography, but I'm getting a certificate in meteorology.
  • Cop: What? Well, I guess that makes sense. When the meteor falls you kind of need to know where its going to land.
  • Girl: (long pause) Yeah... meteorology is the study of weather.

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warning: marijuana affects grammar skills

53 [+ / -]     Mar 04, 2008

  • Dude 1: I gotta quit getting high all the time.
  • Dude 2: Why?
  • Dude 1: Drugs are like bad and stuff and drain bramage.

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boys go to jupiter...

-56 [+ / -]     Dec 20, 2007

  • Guy: So, what is "urban sprawl" again?
  • Girl: That's like when urban areas get bigger. You know, they sprawl out.
  • Guy: Oh, okay. And what is "smart growth?"
  • Girl: That's when they manage the urban sprawl in, you know, a smart way.
  • Guy: Oh, I get it! It's like, more knowledge!

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beats a career in plastics and an affair with anne bancroft

82 [+ / -]     Dec 18, 2007

  • Guy 1: Shit, I can't believe I graduated last night!
  • Guy 2: Congratulations, man.
  • Guy 1: I know, I woke up this morning and thought, "shit what am I going to do now that I'm outta college?" And then I did the same I did in college... smoked a bowl and went back to bed.

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when in rome

-38 [+ / -]     Dec 09, 2007

  • Girl 1: When do you think the condom was invented?
  • Girl 2: I dunno. I want to say the Romans used them.
  • Girl 1: Is that why it's called Trojan?
  • Girl 2: I dunno. Look it up on your computer!
  • Girl 1: No, I'll get some computer virus... like a computer STD or something!

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wait, so all i have to do to pass is score some touchdowns?

68 [+ / -]     Dec 09, 2007

  • Guy: What is your grade in this class?
  • Football player: I have an 86, so hopefully I can get a C in here.
  • Guy: Wait, what did you get on the last test?
  • Football player: We have had a test in here?
  • Guy: Yeah.
  • Football player: Man, I love my tutor!

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oh, to be young and in love

-33 [+ / -]     Dec 05, 2007

  • (After a girl and guy hook up for the first time)
  • Girl: So does this make us more than just friends?
  • Guy: Yeah... it makes us fuckbuddies!

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isn't he friends with genghis jong-il?

34 [+ / -]     Dec 04, 2007

  • Sorostitute 1: Hey, let's look at some crazy shit on YouTube.
  • Sorostitute 2: Yeah... all those videos are so funny.
  • Sorostitute 1: No, not all of them. You can seriously see Sadama Bin Laden get hung.

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he kept saying something about not being able to feel his legs

97 [+ / -]     Dec 04, 2007

  • Blonde 1: Y'all, I was watching something on TV last night about a man that had been missing for five months and they just found his body when it washed up on shore from a lake. His body was all decomposed and gross and he was decapitated. It was so nasty.
  • Blonde 2: This might be a stupid question but... was he dead?

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plus, the words are too damn big

37 [+ / -]     Nov 28, 2007

  • Girl 1: Hey, while your over there can you hand me a news paper?
  • Girl 2: Is the New York Times alright?
  • Girl 1: Yes, that's fine.
  • Girl 2: I never read the newspaper, besides I don't really care what goes on up in New York, anyways.

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so do we, my dear, so do we

196 [+ / -]     Nov 14, 2007

  • Girl 1: So my teacher in class couldn't pronounce fellatio correctly.
  • Girl 2: Wait, what's fellatio?
  • Girl 1: The PC term for blow-job.
  • Girl 2: Oh. I like that word fellatio, I'm going to start using it more often. I like the way it feels in my mouth.

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if it weren't for the incest you probably wouldn't need the meds

50 [+ / -]     Oct 25, 2007

  • Twin girl 1: Mom doesn't want us taking anxiety medicine, she doesn't want our happiness dependent on that.
  • Twin girl 2: Well, mom didn't want us having sex... that didn't work either.

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he just has a tiny little derringer

-34 [+ / -]     Oct 13, 2007

  • Boyfriend: (yelling) If you don't shut the hell up, I'm going to pistol whip you!
  • Girlfriend: (yelling back) You don't even have a pistol!

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#2   now that's grace under pressure

1461 [+ / -]     Oct 08, 2007

  • Drunk sorostitute: (as she's being handcuffed and escorted to the paddywagon) Shotgun!

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only a true friend

60 [+ / -]     May 19, 2007

  • Guy 1: Oww. I just got stung by a wasp. What do I do now?
  • Guy 2: You've got to piss on it.
  • Guy 3: (playing along) Yeah, man. You've got to piss on it.
  • Guy 1: But I can't piss on my own ear.
  • Guy 3: I'll do it.
  • Guy 1: Thanks.
  • (Pissing Sound)

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chihuahua : regular dog :: gazelle : crocodile

-16 [+ / -]     Apr 12, 2007

  • Vet Tech: Can I help you?
  • Redneck: Well, I got my chihuahua Taco here, and, well, she thought it might be a good idea to pick a fight with my regualar dog
  • Vet Tech: So, what exactly seems to be the problem?
  • Redneck: I think she might need some stitches. In her head.

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the only wet spot he'll ever see

-38 [+ / -]     Jan 12, 2007

  • Computer geek: I pulled my head out of the Warcrack and all of the sudden I stepped on a wet spot and realized the house had just flooded.

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murphy's law in action

81 [+ / -]     Jan 03, 2007

  • Girl: (stressing about wanting to cheat) In a perfect world you'd meet all the people you want to fuck before you meet the person you want to marry. Shit's complicated.

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he's got the right idea

110 [+ / -]     Nov 19, 2006

  • Homeless guy: Hey, can you girls spare a little change?
  • Girl: Sorry, we don't have any cash, just credit cards.
  • Homeless guy: They take those at the liquor store!

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they require all bus drivers to have a degree in quantum physics

77 [+ / -]     Oct 03, 2006

  • Bus driver: Okay, about five people got off so we can get maybe twenty-seven more people on.

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The JAPs know where the fashion's at

-10 [+ / -]     Sep 14, 2006

  • Girl 1: So I got this really cool birthday tiara from Party City to wear tonight.Girl 2: A tiara? Isn't that what jewish people wear?

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so you get a lot of visitors at your place?

121 [+ / -]     Sep 05, 2006

  • Bus driver: (over microphone) Do not come in the back door, guys.
  • Guy: Man, if I had a $100 for every time I heard that.

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nope, viagra. the joke's on you.

54 [+ / -]     Aug 11, 2006

  • Sorostitute: Did I tell you I was in a commercial?
  • Freshman fratty: For what? Herpes?

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love it or stick with it

-23 [+ / -]     Aug 07, 2006

  • Dial America girl: My favorite thing is to say "unfortunately." Unfortunately we're screwing you out of $100 a month. Unfortunately I don't make enough to care either way. Unfortunately I think about quitting everyday. Unfortunately one more asshole might make today that today... Co-worker: Hey, you should write or something.Girl: Yeah, maybe I could get some script work for the scam artists.

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gigli was a real page turner

9 [+ / -]     Jul 23, 2006

  • Lady: How could there be a movie without a book? They make movies sometimes on their own?

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and puff, two, three, four

38 [+ / -]     Jul 03, 2006

  • Bikini babe: Wanna come to the opening of a new bar, On The Rocks, tonight?
  • Flabby fratty: Nah, I've stopped drinking, I'm trying to get healthy. I am eatin' good and workin' out and shit.
  • Bikini babe: Oh.
  • Flabby Fratty: But don't worry, I am still going to smoke a lot of weed!

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good thing she switched her major from english

38 [+ / -]     May 24, 2006

  • Aspiring sorostitute: I love math. It's just so hard and beticulous... or whatever that word is.

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i guess he never found the cream filling

74 [+ / -]     May 23, 2006

  • Little kid: (looking at a raccoon pelt nailed to a board at Athens Zoo Day) Look, that raccoon died like Jesus did!

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the aviary will never be finished at this rate

38 [+ / -]     May 17, 2006

  • Construction worker 1: Hey is that a bird's nest?
    Construction worker 2: Woah! Stand back! Those things there got the flu don't they? That there bird flu!

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out of the mouths of babes

22 [+ / -]     May 06, 2006

  • Little girl: I like your bracelet. Can I see it?
  • Older lady: Sure. (Hands over bracelet)
  • Little girl: Thanks. (Points down woman's V neck) By the way... I can see your nee-nees.

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according to the new england journal of dumbass, they're a little different

68 [+ / -]     Apr 12, 2006

  • Girl 1: Your parents didn't want you. You are the product of too much tequila and a broke condom.
    Girl 2: You shouldn't say that. My Mom had three abortions before she had me.
  • (Silence descends upon the room)
  • Girl 2: I mean miscarriages!

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i'm starting to see the benefits of veganism

-5 [+ / -]     Mar 20, 2006

  • Guy in his best country accent: Here ya go, here's one big giant scoop for ya.
  • (Hands her a pooper scooper)
  • Girl in her best country accent: Aw yeah, here's dinner. It's gonna be a feast tonight!
    Guy in completely normal accent: Don't even get me started on that... because I know it ends in dry heaving.

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