Brand New:
Overseen in Athens


For years you've been watching your tongue so that what you say doesn't end up here. Now, you'll have to watch how you look. You never know who has a camera.

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Quotes submitted by "anon"

that's technically true

16 [+ / -]     Jul 27, 2010

  • Sorostitute: Does this bus go to Tate?
  • Driver: No. You should take Orbit.
  • Sorostitute: Oh. You're not an Orbit?
  • Driver: No, that's why the sign says Ag Hill.
  • Sorostitute: So do you, like, know when an Orbit will get here?
  • Driver: Next Thursday.
  • (Driver closes doors and drives off)

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must be that gene that causes women to like drummers

-15 [+ / -]     Jun 02, 2010

  • Woman on Cell: No darling, I think you married well, I've always said that.
  • (pause)
  • Woman on Cell: No I did not. You are going to have a wonderful life.
  • (pause)
  • Woman on Cell: Tell him to quit the band.

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that's the irish swine flu

-24 [+ / -]     Nov 12, 2009

  • Guy on cell: Swine flu, or did you drink too much last night?

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because nothing sparks philosophical debate like keystone light

46 [+ / -]     Nov 11, 2009

  • Guy on cell: So, there are a few points of Aristotelian philosophy I want to talk to you about.
  • (pause)
  • Guy on cell: Yeah, I'll pick up the keg.

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or while you're getting raped while you're lost hiking

-34 [+ / -]     Oct 26, 2009

  • Guy 1: Dude, check out my new whistle.
  • (Guy 1 blows whistle)
  • Guy 1: I can use it when I get lost hiking.
  • Guy 2: Or when you're getting raped.

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ah, to be young and in love

-33 [+ / -]     Sep 07, 2009

  • 16-year-old Girl 1: Ohmigod! Could you imagine fucking in these heels? Hot.
  • 16-year-old Girl 2: (gets a text) Ohmigod! Do you know who he was cheating on me with?
  • 16-year-old Girl 1: Who?
  • 16-year-old Girl 2: A fucking 12-year-old! Asshole!

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we call that "opportunity management"

103 [+ / -]     Feb 24, 2009

  • Fratty: It's not really hit it and quit it. It's more like hit it, hit it, keep hitting it for a month... then quit it.

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kicker for the falcons, dumbass

-62 [+ / -]     Feb 23, 2009

  • Fratty 1: So I heard Michael Adams makes like $600,000.
  • Fratty 2: Who's Michael Adams?

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now the trick is to stop thinking about them

69 [+ / -]     Feb 12, 2009

  • Professor: Are intellectual pleasures more satisfying than bodily pleasures? Okay, everyone think of your favorite bodily pleasure.
  • (class laughs)
  • Professor: Oh, I know what all of you are thinking.

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is it friday night already?

33 [+ / -]     Jan 23, 2009

  • (After a failed keg stand)
  • Guy 1: You have to put it all the way in your mouth!
  • Guy 2: Only if you're pumping it while I do it!

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#24   now, back to our discussion about the size of uranus...

552 [+ / -]     Dec 24, 2008

  • Student: So where does Europium come from?
  • Chemistry Teacher: (slowly) I don't have any opium...

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let's get fiscal

154 [+ / -]     Dec 11, 2008

  • Sorostitute 1: I'm not really motivated to work out anymore.
  • Sorostitute 2: You need some motivation? Daddy says that there is a direct relationship between how skinny you are and how much money your husband makes. I totally bet you can do at least two hundred more crunches now!

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throwing money at the problem fixes everything. just look at the economy.

83 [+ / -]     Nov 21, 2008

  • (Girl at end of long consecission stands line walks up to front)
  • Girl: (to Random Guy) I'll buy what ever your ordering if I can order my drink at the same time, too.
  • Random Guy: Fine by me.
  • Girl: (to friend) See, I told you we could solve this problem with money.

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it only makes you think you're horny

68 [+ / -]     Nov 18, 2008

  • Guy 1: So it's a libido?
  • Guy 2: You mean placebo.
  • Guy 1: Oh... yeah.

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giving new meaning to driving on fumes

81 [+ / -]     Oct 23, 2008

  • Professor: I saw you on your scooter the other day! I waved and yelled but I guess you didn't hear me.
  • Student: Oh, I had my iPod headphones in... and I'm usually blitzed.

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that's the sort of conviction that launches 1000 ships

-43 [+ / -]     Oct 08, 2008

  • Sorostitute: So, I was totally, like, Helen of Troy in a past life. I was so hot I started a huge war!
  • Guy: So you believe in reincarnation?
  • Sorostitute: Well, no, I don't, so I guess I take all that back.
  • Guy: So you're just dead?
  • Sorostitute: Yeah, I'm just dead.
  • Guy: That's what I thought.

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you betcha! (wink wink)

47 [+ / -]     Oct 08, 2008

  • Guy 1: The only reason they'll vote for her is because of her tits.
  • Guy 2: Even the girls?
  • Guy 1: Of course, everyone loves boobs.

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if you're lucky he'll show you his magic wand

84 [+ / -]     Oct 06, 2008

  • Student 1: So should we call you Doctor or Professor?
  • Professor: Well since I'm not a doctor, Professor is fine.
  • Student 2: (giggles) When I call you Professor it makes me feel like I'm in Hogwarts.

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i'm sure someone could find you a pencil sharpener

5 [+ / -]     Sep 22, 2008

  • (Outside Starbucks, trying to register voters)
  • Registration guy: The next time somebody walks past us, I'm going to stick a pencil up their ass.

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damn, i must have left it in my other overalls

147 [+ / -]     Sep 10, 2008

  • 6-year-old boy: Can I have something to drink?
  • Bartender: May I see some ID first?

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you can't shatter an illusion that does not exist

95 [+ / -]     Sep 04, 2008

  • Drunk UGA Fan: Booooo, Eagles you suck! Go Dawgs!
  • Southern Fan: Come on, it's not like we actually think we're gonna win.

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there may be better options for getting your abdominal workout

60 [+ / -]     Aug 26, 2008

  • Sorostitute on cell: Yeah, we took a bunch of pledges out last night. They were throwing up in the frat house, they were throwing up on the floor, they were throwing up on the elevator...
  • (pauses)
  • Sorostitute: Yeah, it was really fun.

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it's been even longer since she paused to breathe

81 [+ / -]     May 12, 2008

  • Sorostitute: I really want a muffin because they are so good. But I was on the phone with Momma one time in line here and I told her I was about to get a muffin. She said, "you know what happens to girls who eat muffins right? they get muffin tops." Then I looked over and this, like, huge girl was eating a muffin. So I was like, oh my gosh she's right. I haven't had a muffin in like six months.

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vanity... the pragmatist's approach

61 [+ / -]     May 12, 2008

  • Girl 1: I'm so glad we're not fat! It would take us so much longer to get drunk.
  • Girl 2: Yeah, totally!

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but then who would the nerds save?

7 [+ / -]     May 09, 2008

  • Girl: What is it about Princess Zelda? Why is that stupid bitch always getting herself in trouble? It happens a million times again and again. I wish she'd just get her head chopped off and end it.

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in a galaxy far far away, fratties invade geekdom

-25 [+ / -]     Apr 28, 2008

  • Fratty 1: (answers cell phone) Hey Obi-Wan!
  • Fratty 2: Isn't that a Star Wars reference?
  • Fratty 3: Yeah, it is.
  • Fratty 2: Wow! He's ballin'!

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any good southerner will tell you that there's no singular form

119 [+ / -]     Apr 28, 2008

  • (At breakfast)
  • UCLA Gymnastics Coach: Umm... I have just one question before we order. What is a "grit?"

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which, by the way, is a great place to talk on the phone

161 [+ / -]     Apr 12, 2008

  • Girl on Cell: I couldn't believe he did that... ew, I just heard someone peeing!
  • Voice From Stall: That's cause you're in a bathroom, dumbass.

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there's a trailer park in florida that just got it's flair back

96 [+ / -]     Mar 06, 2008

  • Sorostitute 1: Did you read the article about Alpha Gam's flamingos getting stolen?
  • Sorostitute 2: I mean, I only took two of the flamingos. I don't know what happened to the rest of them.

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"...c'mere grandma, you're about to get run over by a reindeer"

-39 [+ / -]     Feb 19, 2008

  • Fratty 1: I took shots of whiskey with my mom and grandma on Christmas Eve.
  • Fratty 2: Dude, did you hook up with them?

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a perfect demonstration of the american way

166 [+ / -]     Feb 05, 2008

  • Girl: It's Super Tuesday, don't forget to vote.
  • Sorostitute: Ohimog! Yeah! Mardi Gras! I totally forgot. Why do we vote for Mardi Gras, again?

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that sounds so dirty

-20 [+ / -]     Dec 27, 2007

  • Guy: Did your group get a precipitate when they mixed these together?
  • Sorostitute: I don't know. I just wash the beakers.

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it's like a really short giraffe

-17 [+ / -]     Dec 02, 2007

  • (Girl 1 trying to find something to compare another girl's legs to, but she can't quite remember the word)
  • Girl 1: Oh! I remember! A gazelle! They remind me of a gazelle!
  • Girl 2: What's a gazelle?
  • Girl 3: Yeah, what's a gazelle?
  • Girl 1: I'm not sure.

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the shaming possibilities are endless

186 [+ / -]     Nov 30, 2007

  • (Drunk guy stumbles into apartment in the middle of the night)
  • Guy 1: (in bed) Hey, man, this isn't your place.
  • Drunk guy: Huh?
  • Guy 1: Wherever you think you are, you're not.
  • Drunk guy: Yeah dude, I know. But I don't have anywhere to stay tonight, so can I like crash on your couch? I swear I won't touch any of your shit or break anything or take anything.
  • Guy 1: Well... ok.
  • Guy 2: (in the same bed) Man, when he wakes up, he's gonna be like, "Holy shit, I've stumbled on a nest of queers!"

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you mean i have a shot?

-75 [+ / -]     Nov 14, 2007

  • Girl: Wow, I haven't seen you in forever, I'm so happy to see you!
  • Guy: Really?

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someone should tell the women they don't need to put in that much effort

-46 [+ / -]     Oct 07, 2007

  • Girl: But you know, girls get guys drunk too.
  • Guy: Oh, I know, I've been got drunk before.

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her light is on, but no one is home

115 [+ / -]     Jul 17, 2007

  • Girl 1: Oh I just put your blackberries on the top shelf in the middle, it was the only empty place in the fridge.
  • Girl 2: Oh no! (pause) Man it's so hard to remember.
  • Girl 1: What are you talking about?
  • Girl 2: I used to never put things there because I was afraid the light would keep them warm.
  • Girl 1: But it turns off when you close the door.
  • Girl 2: Honestly I only just figured that out 2 weeks ago.

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giving new meaning to "go fork yourself"

-33 [+ / -]     Apr 27, 2007

  • Girl: So, I think I just ate part of my fork... hope it doesn't come out later when my boyfriend is giving me anal.

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there's more than one place to have it your way

142 [+ / -]     Apr 18, 2007

  • (Two girls are talking about abstinence until marriage)
  • Girl 1: I know my body is supposed to be a temple, but sometimes it feels more like a drive-thru. They come, they leave, they come, they leave.
  • Girl 2: Yeah, I'm like, would you like fries with that?

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if you aren't careful they'll start a rebellion!

48 [+ / -]     Mar 22, 2007

  • Guy: Man, have you ever been so sexually frustrated that you start hearing voices in your head; and then you realize it's your balls trying to talk to you?

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if i'd a known it was gonna be that kinda party, i'd stuck my ballot it in the mashed potatoes

83 [+ / -]     Mar 08, 2007

  • Student 1: So SGA is discussing banning parties tonight, do you want to go?
  • Student 2: How can they ban parties? If I want to throw a big...
  • Student 1: Not that kind of party.

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public school system speaks again

126 [+ / -]     Feb 05, 2007

  • Redneck wife: I understand what "F the President" means, but what does "W the President" mean?
  • Redneck husband: I don't know...

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