Brand New:
Overseen in Athens


For years you've been watching your tongue so that what you say doesn't end up here. Now, you'll have to watch how you look. You never know who has a camera.

Here's the link
 

Quotes Filed Under "At work"


sounds like a thriller night

-2 [+ / -]     Feb 18, 2010

  • Older Janitor: I'm gonna go home, put a big ol' bag of ice in the bathtub, sit my ass down, and listen to Michael Jackson. Damn!

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the customer is always right

1 [+ / -]     Feb 08, 2010

  • Employee: What else?
  • Customer 1: Ol' and viniker.
  • Employee: Oil and vinegar?
  • Customer 2: Haha! Oil? It Ol'!

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Comments (9) | Speak Your Piece


isn't this how porn starts?

-26 [+ / -]     Jan 19, 2010

  • Cashier: Does anyone need anything else to drink over here?
  • Girl: Can I get some more Cherry Coke?
  • Cashier: Sure, I just need you to take off your top. Thanks!

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so is it chicken or fish?

19 [+ / -]     Jul 22, 2009

  • Girl: This was not what I wanted on my nachos. There are tomatoes on here. What kind of cheese is this?
  • Employee: We can take the tomatoes off, and the cheese is white cheddar.
  • Girl: Don't y'all have any American cheese?
  • Employee: No, I'm sorry, we don't.
  • Girl: (to friend) I can't believe they don't have any American cheese! Why wouldn't they have American cheese?
  • Customer in line: Because this is a Mexican restaurant?

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Comments (4) | Speak Your Piece


ufo sightings?

16 [+ / -]     Jul 07, 2009

  • Register Girl 1: So how about you? Anywhere weird?
  • Register Girl 2: Yeah, one time in the car outside Gresham's Disco.

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it's in the back next to the 2010 super bowl

13 [+ / -]     Jul 02, 2009

  • Customer: Do you have the live action version of "Blood, The Last Vampire?"
  • Clerk: I didn't know there was one. Is it new or old?
  • Customer: I looked online and it said it comes out next month.

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Comments (13) | Speak Your Piece


yes, i do work on commission. why do you ask?

28 [+ / -]     Jun 30, 2009

  • Girl: Can you tell me the differences between the Dodge Ram 1500 and the Ford F-150?
  • Car Salesman: I don't know much about cars, just what's on the sticker.

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Comments (5) | Speak Your Piece


they decided to stop celebrating mardi gras after that

125 [+ / -]     May 17, 2009

  • Customer: Can I have a refill on my Dr. Pepper?
  • Cashier: Sure! Take your top off.
  • (Customer stares)

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Comments (1) | Speak Your Piece


can i get that with an extra shot of "oh no she didn't!"

108 [+ / -]     May 08, 2009

  • Jittery Joe's Guy: White mocha?
  • (Girl 1 takes drink)
  • Jittery Joe's Guy: Non-fat white mocha with soy?
  • Girl 2: Um, I had just a regular white mocha.
  • Jittery Joe's Guy: Ugh, that skank took your shit!

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Comments (11) | Speak Your Piece


simpson?

68 [+ / -]     May 01, 2009

  • Student: Could you tell me how much Homer's Odyssey costs?
  • Info lady: Who's the author?
  • Student: Homer...

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Comments (29) | Speak Your Piece


so, none of the above

8 [+ / -]     Mar 24, 2009

  • Drunk Girl: Um, can I like, get a taco please?
  • Cashier: Sure. What kind would you like? Steak, chicken, or chorizo?
  • Drunk Girl: Um, like, meat, I guess?
  • Cashier: Well, what kind of meat? Steak, chicken, or chorizo?
  • Drunk Girl: Um, you know, like that stuff that comes on tacos at Taco Bell?

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Comments (10) | Speak Your Piece


who loves the 1970s? we do!

36 [+ / -]     Mar 07, 2009

  • Store Associate: (referring to shirt boxes) There's so many tops and almost no bottoms!
  • Gay Store Manager: Baby, that's just Atlanta for ya!

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extra tender, juicy toes

16 [+ / -]     Mar 05, 2009

  • Pregnant technician: (looking at a pregnancy pamphlet) Okay, when it says "chicken is a good source of protein," do they mean fried chicken?
  • Pharmacist: Only if you want your baby to have extra toes.

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they're clearly from another planet, so the answer could be anything

-42 [+ / -]     Feb 23, 2009

  • Technician 1: How many toes are you supposed to have?
  • Technician 2: Uh... seriously?
  • Technician 1: Yes seriously, I haven't counted lately!

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speed dating is a growing trend in college towns

-47 [+ / -]     Feb 13, 2009

  • Female Customer: Do we bring back books here?
  • Male Employee: Yeah, I'll be your friend.
  • Female Employee: Wait, are you returning the books or doing Buy Back?
  • Female Customer: Returns.
  • Male Employee: Oh, I guess we can't be friends anymore.
  • Female Customer: Yeah. I don't love you anymore. It's over.
  • (Customer walk away)

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Comments (6) | Speak Your Piece


sure, pull-ups, that's what they were gonna try

9 [+ / -]     Feb 11, 2009

  • (Couple gets on the bus)
  • Drunk Guy: So you think that the bus would be a good place to have some fun?
  • Drunk Girl: I'm not sure I could hold myself up that long.
  • Drunk Guy: Well let's try, I mean the bus driver isn't paying attention.
  • Driver: Umm, I don't really want to see her doing pull-ups on this bus.

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Comments (3) | Speak Your Piece


please stand behind the yellow line and keep everything in your pants

339 [+ / -]     Jan 18, 2009

  • Girl: No! I'm not going to do that on a bus.
  • Guy: Come on, no one is on the bus.
  • Girl: I'm not going down on you here. What about the driver?
  • Guy: He can't hear or see us where we are sitting.
  • Bus Driver: I can hear and see you.

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Comments (7) | Speak Your Piece


some people just need the right motivation

56 [+ / -]     Jan 06, 2009

  • the standard employee bathroom sign edited for the greater good.

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Comments (2) | Speak Your Piece


stop, drop, and roll in the hay

-10 [+ / -]     Jan 04, 2009

  • Kind of hard to see, but the guy is smoking and spreading hay.

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so did we

72 [+ / -]     Dec 30, 2008

  • Clerk 1: So, I had some coffee this morning and... it didn't taste quite right, so I asked Cathy about it.
  • (long pause)
  • Clerk 1: She made it with decaf.
  • Clerk 2: (nodding) ...thought that story was gonna be a lot better.

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Comments (3) | Speak Your Piece


one of uga's lesser known pass / fail courses

68 [+ / -]     Dec 10, 2008

  • (Two passengers are made to walk from the back door to the front door)
  • Bus Driver: Sorry, I just had to check your sketch factor.

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Comments (2) | Speak Your Piece


there's no place like home

-13 [+ / -]     Nov 23, 2008

  • Employee Guy 1: (makes loud groaning noise) That's Chewbacca.
  • Employee Guy 2: Ain't that that guy from Wizard of Oz? You sound just like 'im!

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Comments (0) | Speak Your Piece


what happens when the change is $4.20?

12 [+ / -]     Nov 19, 2008

  • Redneck Clerk: $17.92 is your total. In 1792, Columbus sailed the ocean blue!

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Comments (3) | Speak Your Piece


this is why god gave us ebay

212 [+ / -]     Nov 10, 2008

  • Cashier: (on phone) Yeah, uh huh... sure, sure. Let me place you on hold for just a second, sir, while I go look.
  • (presses button on phone)
  • Cashier: (screaming) Hey! This perv wants to know if we have any inflatable male sex dolls! Do we?
  • Guy on Phone: Um, you put me on speaker phone, not hold. (click)

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Comments (3) | Speak Your Piece


this is not a test... i repeat, this is not a test

70 [+ / -]     Nov 07, 2008

  • WatchDawgs guy fielding a call: I'm not a recording... really... you can talk directly to me.

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Comments (0) | Speak Your Piece


at least they don't have a "try before you buy" option

-96 [+ / -]     Nov 07, 2008

  • Female Customer: Do you have any hoop nose rings?
  • Stoner Employee: Well... I don't know, these are all mixed.
  • (Silence)
  • Stoner Employee: Oh, I know what happened...

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Comments (13) | Speak Your Piece


whatever happened to the polite "no"?

159 [+ / -]     Nov 06, 2008

  • Girl (to Bus Driver): Can you hold the bus for 30 seconds? My friend is on her way.
  • Bus Driver: She the one walking way back there?
  • Girl: Yeah!
  • (Bus Driver closes door)

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Comments (7) | Speak Your Piece


c'mon, he was just trying to help

32 [+ / -]     Nov 04, 2008

  • Really Drunk Guy: (after throwing up on the patio, watching as the bouncer cleans up the mess) Hey you. "Staff," you missed a spot.
  • Bouncer: Yeah, and you're outta here.

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Comments (2) | Speak Your Piece


coffee might not be the only thing he puts in her cup

-3 [+ / -]     Oct 31, 2008

  • Sorostitute: So does the french roast, like, have coffee in it?
  • Barista: Uh... yeah.

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Comments (6) | Speak Your Piece


"...they just kept falling out of my pocket"

-23 [+ / -]     Oct 29, 2008

  • Drunk Guy: Hey I need help. I lost my car keys.
  • Bus Driver: Did you lose them on this bus?
  • Drunk Guy: I think they are up my ass.
  • Bus Driver: The police officer over there can help you!

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Comments (0) | Speak Your Piece


it's no longer hot corner. take it back to the mother ship.

-43 [+ / -]     Oct 21, 2008

  • Crazy guy: I'd like some french fries.
  • Barista: We don't have french fries.
  • Crazy guy: It says it on the menu.
  • Barista: That's french press, as in coffee.
  • Crazy guy: Oh. I'm the world champion, you know. I have a website. I also won a Grammy. Little Elvis they used to call me. Now they call me Big Elvis.
  • Barista: Uh-huh.

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Comments (4) | Speak Your Piece


you have an urgent message from I. P. Freely

76 [+ / -]     Oct 11, 2008

  • (Overheard on the intercom at a local high school)
  • Secretary: Please excuse the interruption, but would Tess Stickle report to the main office.

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Comments (2) | Speak Your Piece


lately he just asks for the usual

247 [+ / -]     Oct 06, 2008

  • (On a late Sunday morning)
  • Guy: We would like one Plan B pill, please.
  • Pharmacist Guy: Here you go.
  • Guy: Hmmm, the price has gone up like fifteen bucks.
  • (Pharmacist guy's eyes go wide. Girl turns to Guy with equally wide eyes.)
  • Girl: Uh...
  • Guy: Yeah, that sounded bad.
  • Pharmacist guy: Soooo, this is like a regular post-date thing for you?

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Comments (3) | Speak Your Piece


thanks, now i'm gonna be analyzing this all night

-14 [+ / -]     Oct 05, 2008

  • Redneck Clerk 1: Y'know, I've always wondered that myself about them three little bears.
  • Redneck Clerk 2: Whaddya mean?
  • Redneck Clerk 1: Well, if the momma's porridge was too cold, and the daddy's porridge was too hot, how come the baby's was just right?
  • Redneck Clerk 2: Wow, I never thoughta that.

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"she" just loves keeping up with traffic news

12 [+ / -]     Oct 04, 2008

  • Large Bus Driver: 22 checkin' in.
  • Radio: Aight 22. Y'all might want to watch out for that traffic on Magnolia today. It's hard to get through.
  • Large Bus Driver: That's what she said.
  • (Passengers and Radio are silent)
  • Radio: (after some time) Copy that.

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and someone just wanted an excuse to make that euphemism

122 [+ / -]     Oct 01, 2008

  • Barberitos worker: (smearing sour cream on a taco) Let me smooth it out for you.
  • Flirtacious woman: You just wanted an excuse to put your finger in my taco.

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Comments (6) | Speak Your Piece


i'm sure someone could find you a pencil sharpener

5 [+ / -]     Sep 22, 2008

  • (Outside Starbucks, trying to register voters)
  • Registration guy: The next time somebody walks past us, I'm going to stick a pencil up their ass.

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that's really a size 6 in men's

92 [+ / -]     Sep 18, 2008

  • Girl: How long is a foot long?
  • Employee: Seriously?
  • Girl: Whatever. Size 7 and a half, please.

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Comments (3) | Speak Your Piece


welcome to athens, home of the disgruntled food-service employee

103 [+ / -]     Sep 14, 2008

  • Girl: Hey I know you... you clean dishes, right?
  • Dishwasher: Yeah.
  • Girl: (very impressed with herself) Ha! I knew it. You were cleaning dishes when I was here last night.
  • Dishwasher: Yeah... It's called a job. You should try it sometime.

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Comments (3) | Speak Your Piece


it doesn't count just because your jeep is green

-9 [+ / -]     Sep 14, 2008

  • Hipster: One pack of American Spirits, please.
  • Clerk: I've only sold a few packs of these... what's the deal?
  • Hipster: Well, they're made from all natural ingredients. Plus, I'm trying to "Go Green."
  • Clerk: Oh, okay.
  • (Hipster drives off in large Jeep)

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Comments (0) | Speak Your Piece


there's nothing better than a bus with it's own full bar

107 [+ / -]     Sep 12, 2008

  • Passenger: Want a beer?
  • Driver: No thanks.
  • Passenger: Shot of something?
  • Driver: I am driving a 40,000 pound bus, no thanks.

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"...and while i'm here, can i check my oasis on your computer?"

106 [+ / -]     Sep 06, 2008

  • Drunk guy: (after getting several staples in his head from jumping into a door
    frame) How much is the bill?
  • Doctor: It' gonna be about $75.
  • Drunk guy: Do ya'll take Bulldog Bucks?

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Comments (2) | Speak Your Piece


so we have these things called concerts...

-3 [+ / -]     Aug 30, 2008

  • Sound guy 1: Why does it seem so loud in here?
  • Sound guy 2: Because it is loud in here.

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as well as what he didn't do

26 [+ / -]     Aug 12, 2008

  • Box Office Guy: (to manager) That guy in the wheelchair just went in the bathroom that only has urinals. For the rest of my life I will wonder what he did in there.

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Comments (0) | Speak Your Piece


productive and cathartic... what more can you ask for?

131 [+ / -]     Aug 02, 2008

  • Tired Employee: God dammit! I just wanna beat the fuckin' shit outta something!
  • Boss: I've got an idea. Why don't you take a broom and use it to beat the fuck out of this floor?

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Comments (1) | Speak Your Piece


i think the headphones are a little too tight

-4 [+ / -]     Jul 29, 2008

  • Large Bearded Man: If I stay in here too much longer, I'm not going to have enough money to strangle any more horses.

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Comments (2) | Speak Your Piece


giving new meaning to the word whopper

108 [+ / -]     Jul 28, 2008

  • The BK sign at 5:30 in the morning... it was changed later in the afternoon.

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Comments (6) | Speak Your Piece


no, but i figured it was worth a shot

94 [+ / -]     Jul 09, 2008

  • Guy: Can I get my paycheck, please?
  • Woman: Do you work here?

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don't forget to get a protective case

2 [+ / -]     Jun 21, 2008

  • Customer: Do you know where a Mac store is?
  • Sales Associate: Yeah, I think there is one at Northpoint Mall. Why? Are you thinking about buying a computer?
  • Customer: No... I need to buy some lip gloss.

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Comments (3) | Speak Your Piece


time in a bottle

74 [+ / -]     Jun 12, 2008

  • Drunk Girl: Yay, I got a cherry!
  • Drunk Guy: Bring back memories?
  • Drunk Girl: Not really that was a long time ago.
  • Bartender: Well at least she's honest.

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Comments (0) | Speak Your Piece


it's always good to diversify your client base

37 [+ / -]     May 23, 2008

  • Cashier: (on phone) Why yes, we do have pink chiffon for homosexuals!

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a message everyone should hear, brother

55 [+ / -]     May 20, 2008

  • Co-worker: Why do I smoke cigarettes? I have to be a role model to the kids to let them know that they too can be a 24-year-old waiter in a struggling rock band.

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Comments (2) | Speak Your Piece


$5 footlong, anyone?

-48 [+ / -]     May 15, 2008

  • Employee 1: My hair got stuck in my tongue ring last night. It hurt.
  • Employee 2: What the hell were you doing last night that got your hair in your mouth?
  • Employee 2: Not just last night, I was doing it 'till 5:30 AM!

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Comments (0) | Speak Your Piece


nurse strangled with stethoscope, story at 11:00

97 [+ / -]     May 14, 2008

  • Nurse: Doctor, I found a pair of panties in the hallway, and I think they might be yours.
  • Doctor: Haha, that's a good one.
  • Nurse: No, really. You know why I think they're yours?
  • Doctor: Okay, why?
  • Nurse: Because they were in a wad.

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Comments (3) | Speak Your Piece


"...i'll also need some lysol and a copy of playboy"

51 [+ / -]     May 05, 2008

  • (Cashier is ringing up a couple)
  • Girl: All I'm saying is that when you use the toilet at my place, don't leave stuff on the seat. I don't want a baby!
  • (Awkward pause while the cashier, guy, and girl exchange looks)
  • Cashier: Well, will this be all for today?

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Comments (2) | Speak Your Piece


good thing we just bought lolstraws.com

30 [+ / -]     May 04, 2008

  • I guess the Choochoo employees just needed something to get excited over.

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Comments (2) | Speak Your Piece


but considerably less good than it would without them

53 [+ / -]     Apr 28, 2008

  • (Three girls set three boxes of condoms on the counter. The cashier laughs)
  • Girl: We're not really weird! It's for a prank!
  • Cashier: That's one prank that'll feel real good.

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Comments (0) | Speak Your Piece


ask dwight

35 [+ / -]     Apr 26, 2008

  • Boss: Okay, so we have decided to take you all out for lunch for Administrative Professionals Day!
  • Administrative Professional: Oh great! Where are we going?
  • Boss: Well, you have to find someone to cover the office first.

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Comments (3) | Speak Your Piece


"...it's not my fault, i can't see anything without my glasses"

92 [+ / -]     Apr 25, 2008

  • Cop: Ma'am, do you realize that you went the wrong way through this one-way circle and that you're parked illegally?
  • Woman: I'm sorry, I didn't know.
  • Cop: Oh, I understand. Those giant white arrows are a little confusing.

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Comments (5) | Speak Your Piece


i'd shake your hand, but...

46 [+ / -]     Apr 25, 2008

  • Stagehand: Between my television shows and all the Internet porn out there, it's really tough to get anything done during the day.

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Comments (1) | Speak Your Piece


introducing the new dumbass diet

-58 [+ / -]     Apr 22, 2008

  • Sorostitute: Yeah, I want to get the Bacon Cheese Burger. But I don't want, like, the lettuce and tomato and mayo and stuff.
  • Waitress: So, just the meat and the cheese?
  • Sorostitute: Yeah, and bacon.

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Comments (6) | Speak Your Piece


yeah, her eyes... let's go with that

55 [+ / -]     Apr 18, 2008

  • Six-year-old: Let's play! I'm the mama, and you're the baby.
  • Volunteer: Okay!
  • Six-year-old: Where do babies even come from? Do you buy them?
  • Volunteer: Uh...
  • Six-year-old: My mama said I popped out, but what does that even mean? Popped out of where? Like, her eyes?

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Comments (2) | Speak Your Piece


this might be the next tom cruise movie

157 [+ / -]     Apr 17, 2008

  • Ice Cream Guy: Do you want the cone or the show?
  • Girl: The show!
  • (Ice Cream Guy scoops ice cream, throws it ten feet in the air, catches it perfectly in cone, and hands it to her)
  • Girl: God, I love college!

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Comments (6) | Speak Your Piece


money for nothin', cable for free

25 [+ / -]     Apr 15, 2008

  • Charter Employee: You owe $127.33, ma'am.
  • Lady: What, you mean I gotta pay my bill?

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Comments (0) | Speak Your Piece


talk about drinking responsibly

43 [+ / -]     Apr 14, 2008

  • UPS Guy: I thought you were supposed to finish this shit last Friday!
  • Painter Guy: I was, but I started drinking at eleven thirty and it's never good to come into work drunk.

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Comments (2) | Speak Your Piece


#5   ask a stupid question...

965 [+ / -]     Mar 27, 2008

  • ER Doctor: Is there any chance that you are pregnant?
  • Female Patient: No.
  • ER Doctor: Are you sexually active?
  • Female Patient: Yes.
  • ER Doctor: Then how can you be sure you're not pregnant?
  • Female Patient: (pointing to her female friend) Because I'm sexually active with her.

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Comments (62) | Speak Your Piece


nothing like a good ole nicotine cocktail

164 [+ / -]     Mar 25, 2008

  • (Sorostitute is buying cough syrup)
  • Sorostitute: I also need a pack of Marlboro Lights, please.
  • Cashier: Cigarettes and cough medicine work wonders on the lungs.

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Comments (0) | Speak Your Piece


mirror, mirror, on the wall

173 [+ / -]     Mar 21, 2008

  • Coworker Girl 1: If you take a picture of a mirror, can you see yourself in the mirror?
  • Coworker Girl 2: Yes, you'll see your reflection and the flash.
  • Coworker Girl 1: No, I mean if you look at a picture of a mirror, can you see yourself? My sister asked me for a mirror earlier and I didn't have one but now I do. So I thought I'd take a picture of it on my phone and send it to her to use. But, will it work?

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Comments (2) | Speak Your Piece


"...but here, i have this handy color wheel"

17 [+ / -]     Mar 18, 2008

  • Blonde: Um, can I help you?
  • Woman: Well, you don'