Brand New:
Overseen in Athens


For years you've been watching your tongue so that what you say doesn't end up here. Now, you'll have to watch how you look. You never know who has a camera.

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Quotes Filed Under "Drinking"


so, sometime between rush and rehab

31 [+ / -]     Jul 26, 2010

  • Employee: So, when does school start?
  • Sorostitute: Oh, I don't know when school starts. But I know when Rush starts!

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the goal is to make your bac match your gpa

6 [+ / -]     Jul 26, 2010

  • Drunk Guy: (speaking to incoming freshman): Honors chemistry, ooooh. Fuck your GPA, it's all about drinking!
  • Girl: That's probably the best advice you'll ever get for college.

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or just start doing coke

12 [+ / -]     Jul 20, 2010

  • Girl 1: I need to lose weight, let's start exercising.
  • Girl 2: Well, alcohol slows down the fat burning process.
  • (pause)
  • Girl 2: So we'll have to cut something else.

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when you gotta go, you gotta go to sleep

13 [+ / -]     Jul 16, 2010

  • Someone fell asleep on the toilet at crowded Sandbar on a Thursday night.

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it might be good to start training them young, though

31 [+ / -]     Jun 02, 2010

  • Woman: Oh shit! We need to find money for groceries!
  • Man: What?
  • Woman: I mean, we can survive on liquor, but the kids can't.

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police are on the lookout for a bunch of drunk sorority girls

-20 [+ / -]     May 17, 2010

  • Sorostitute: Yeah, we robbed a liquor store last weekend. It was awesome.
  • Fratty: That's badass.

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at least if you drown you know you aren't a witch

6 [+ / -]     Apr 14, 2010

  • Irish Guy 1: I don't think a fella should be swimmin' after e's eaten. Least not for an hour.
  • Irish Guy 2: No! Es a myth!
  • Irish Guy 1: Twenty minutes then.
  • Irish Guy 2: (to bartender) Whaddayou think?
  • Bartender: Uh, I know you could get a cramp, but it isn't that likely. I'd say it's safe. Maybe it depends how much you eat.
  • Irish Guy 2: Or what you eat.
  • Irish Guy 1: Yeah, I suppose if you eat boulders your shit out of luck.

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you're not doing it right if you remember it

21 [+ / -]     Mar 26, 2010

  • Guy: I don't remember anything last night... the best thing is that I woke to all these text messages from these people I don't remember seeing at all.
  • Guy 2: What did they say?
  • Guy: Listen. This is the best one. "Text me back if you are alive. I saw you fall walking into the bar, and then fall walking out of the bar."

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and they probably weren't at 100% to begin with

48 [+ / -]     Feb 01, 2010

  • Sorostitute 1: Did you know that after a night of binge drinking your brain doesn't fully function for like 40 days?
  • Sorostitute 2: Oh my god, that means our brains will like, never fully function!
  • (Both laugh in unison)

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and if i do get in, i'm also gonna puke

-11 [+ / -]     Jan 11, 2010

  • Drunk Guy: Dude, if I don't get inside this bar, I am going to puke.

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nah, i'll just look for someone who goes to class less

44 [+ / -]     Jan 07, 2010

  • Drunk Asian Guy: What's up ladies... what you got going on tonight?
  • Drunk Sorostitute: Oh My God! You're totally my TA!
  • Drunk Asian Guy: Damn it!
  • Drunk White Guy: Maybe you should stop teaching.

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at least he wasn't looking for the bathroom

16 [+ / -]     Jan 02, 2010

  • (After bursting through the door of an occupied dorm room at 2 a.m.)
  • Drunk Freshman: This isn't the stairs.

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cleanup on aisle clayton

56 [+ / -]     Dec 27, 2009

  • Someone had a little too much fun.

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not as difficult an achievement as he seems to think

13 [+ / -]     Dec 12, 2009

  • (On a crowded East West night bus)
  • Drunk Freshman Guy 1: Dude. I better get arrested tonight.
  • Drunk Freshman Guy 2: I know, right? You better.
  • (They exit the bus and walk towards Bourbon Street)

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who says romance is dead?

36 [+ / -]     Nov 30, 2009

  • Drunk Guy 1: I totally rubbed my boner on that girl's thigh!
  • Drunk Guy 2: What did she say?
  • Drunk Guy 1: She looked at me and smiled!

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you stay classy, alabama

-14 [+ / -]     Nov 17, 2009

  • A customer Someone left this disposable flask at Trappeze on the night of the GA / AU game.

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easy come, easy go

-17 [+ / -]     Nov 17, 2009

  • Guy 1: You don't need to finish that bottle.
  • Guy 2: Dude, I just puked up all my street cred.

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graduate students gone wild

108 [+ / -]     Nov 16, 2009

  • Drunk guy: (screams) Let's get drunk and fuck some whores!
  • Girl: (turns around) Aren't you my TA?

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at least they weren't used

30 [+ / -]     Nov 15, 2009

  • Fratty 1: So yeah, last night, I totally forgot to lock my door before I passed out.
  • Fratty 2: Yeah, so?
  • Fratty 1: Well, this morning I woke up with 8 opened condoms in my mouth.

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now, can you pass the flask, please?

-11 [+ / -]     Nov 15, 2009

  • Girl 1: I'm kind of over drinking.
  • Girl 2: Yeah, me too, its getting old.
  • Girl 3: I know! By age 21, it's like, I'm done with it.

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because nothing sparks philosophical debate like keystone light

46 [+ / -]     Nov 11, 2009

  • Guy on cell: So, there are a few points of Aristotelian philosophy I want to talk to you about.
  • (pause)
  • Guy on cell: Yeah, I'll pick up the keg.

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it's gonna take more than a pair of tits to get a cab on a gameday

39 [+ / -]     Oct 23, 2009

  • Guy: Will you please put your tits back in your shirt and focus on getting us a goddamn cab?
  • Drunk Girl: Don't say G-D!

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come on, you have a 1 in 365 chance!

57 [+ / -]     Oct 16, 2009

  • Doorguy 1: Do you have anything else with your name on it?
  • Girl: No, I only brought my ID with me.
  • Doorguy 1: Okay then, what's your birthday?
  • Girl: (pauses) I don't know.
  • Doorguy 2: You are so adorable! You need to leave.

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play it again, sam

-19 [+ / -]     Oct 15, 2009

  • Drunk Girl 1: Why are you cradling that bottle of champagne like it's a baby?
  • Drunk Girl 2: I'm trying to make music, Sarah. I'm trying to make music.

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miss popularity

42 [+ / -]     Oct 09, 2009

  • Drunk Girl 1: I just never was able to do that opening your throat thing.
  • Drunk Girl 2: You've got to figure it out, it makes everything so much easier!

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but for how long?

-22 [+ / -]     Oct 09, 2009

  • Drunk Guy 1: Hey dude, let's play quarters again.
  • Drunk Guy 2: If you wait like 10 minutes we'll have ping-pong balls and we can play beer bong.
  • Drunk Guy 1: Well, yeah, but I'm already standing up.

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slippery when hammered

43 [+ / -]     Sep 26, 2009

  • (Two girls enter bathroom, laughing and talking loudly)
  • Drunk sorostitute: Ohmigod, you need a shower!
  • Drunker sorostitute: Yeah girl, help me!
  • (Shower water starts running)
  • Drunk sorostitute: Ohmigod girl, I, like, totally forgot to get you a towel or some clothes! Stay here, okay? Stay here? Promise you won't get out until I have something to cover you with!
  • Drunker sorostitute: (slurring) Okay, okay, I'll be fine.
  • (Drunk sorostitute leaves, there is silence for a few moments, followed by a ground-shaking thud of the remaining girl hitting the floor)
  • Drunker sorostitute: Fuhhhhhhhhhck.

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the rest just kind of falls into place

61 [+ / -]     Sep 17, 2009

  • Girl: How do you meet people?
  • Guy: Well, I like alcohol and premarital sex.

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losing my religion

-20 [+ / -]     Sep 17, 2009

  • Guy: So I got offered a job at this church as a youth pastor.
  • Girl: Really? That's great!
  • Guy: Yeah. It just puts me in a kinda weird position though, because, you know, I really like my cigarettes and I really like my beers. I mean, I don't want that to keep me from being what God wants me to be, but...
  • Girl: Yeah...

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there should be an underage drinking handbook

85 [+ / -]     Sep 04, 2009

  • Bimbo: Do you guys have any drink specials?
  • Bartender: We've got dollar-off drafts.
  • Bimbo: What's a draft?
  • Bartender: Could I see your ID again?

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maybe he's just looking for a contact lens

18 [+ / -]     Aug 19, 2009

  • Taking a powernap.

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maybe the drunk brad is the real brad

67 [+ / -]     Aug 03, 2009

  • Girl: Brad, I just want you to know that I really care about you. It just worries me when you drink like this. It's like you change into another person when you're drunk and I know that's not the real you. I love you. I just want to see you make the right decisions.
  • (silence)
  • Girl: Are you even listening?
  • (Brad starts snoring)

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and that buddha bar is a temple

17 [+ / -]     Jul 27, 2009

  • Girl 1: (to Bartender) We need 8 shots of tequila... it's her birthday!
  • (Girl 2 walks up to the bar)
  • Girl 1: (to Girl 2) I just ordered 8 shots of tequila!
  • (Girl 2 looks horrified)
  • Girl 1: No, it's okay, my mom thinks El Centro is a restaurant!

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if by meat you mean flappy roast beef...

12 [+ / -]     Jul 21, 2009

  • Marquee outside of the library.

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good thing they installed a revolving door at the jail

24 [+ / -]     Jun 25, 2009

  • (Walking away from Buddha Bar to a car)
  • Drunk guy: Man, tonight was great!
  • Sober guy: You better watch out, they are running a road block down the road.
  • Drunk guy: Man, I can't go to jail, my PO would be pissed as hell at me!

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and the worst part of all... he spilled ketchup on his shirt at dinner

-31 [+ / -]     Jun 21, 2009

  • Prior to passing out, this guy not only threw up all over himself, but he also peed his pants.

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athens, home of the minor in possession

53 [+ / -]     May 31, 2009

  • Training for college.

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sam adams the study buddy

3 [+ / -]     May 13, 2009

  • Fratty 1: Dude, are you ready for the final? I'm nervous.
  • Fratty 2: Not me. I had a beer to calm the nerves.
  • Fratty 1: You had a beer?
  • Fratty 2: Yeah, a beer or two. I got to pee.

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i went out and got horsefaced last night

51 [+ / -]     May 04, 2009

  • Horse head drinking bear.

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i must be going to the wrong parties

161 [+ / -]     Apr 29, 2009

  • Drunk Girl: She was really drunk.
  • Guy: I think you're all really drunk.
  • Drunk Girl: No. I mean she-showed-me-her-pussy drunk.

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those wily gator fans...

220 [+ / -]     Apr 25, 2009

  • Drunk guy: Hey there officer, was the music too loud?
  • Cop: We had a complaint about the noise and some underage drinking. I'm gonna let you off the hook this time, but I don't want to see anyone walking around with red solo cups in there.
  • Drunk guy: Oh, don't worry officer... we have green ones.

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well, we know what she gave up for lent

-69 [+ / -]     Apr 13, 2009

  • Sister: So, I talked to mom. Supposedly everyone is coming for Easter. Kristin is coming and supposedly she just got out of rehab for alcoholism. Can you believe that?
  • Brother: Does that mean we can't drink at Easter?
  • Sister: Well, only a little.

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point / counterpoint

137 [+ / -]     Mar 25, 2009

  • (Drunk Guy and Drunk Girl making out at party)
  • Drunk Girl: I think it would probably be best if we stopped.
  • Drunk Guy: I think it would be best if you gave me head.

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so, none of the above

8 [+ / -]     Mar 24, 2009

  • Drunk Girl: Um, can I like, get a taco please?
  • Cashier: Sure. What kind would you like? Steak, chicken, or chorizo?
  • Drunk Girl: Um, like, meat, I guess?
  • Cashier: Well, what kind of meat? Steak, chicken, or chorizo?
  • Drunk Girl: Um, you know, like that stuff that comes on tacos at Taco Bell?

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binge or binge not. there is no sip.

74 [+ / -]     Mar 22, 2009

  • Fratty: Are you going downtown tonight?
  • Sorostitute: No, I can't.
  • Fratty: Oh, come on.
  • Sorostitute: I really can't. I gave up binge drinking for Lent.

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why not both?

-15 [+ / -]     Mar 20, 2009

  • Drunk guy: You can't come to Mardi Gras with us, its a boys-only trip.
  • Drunk girl: Please?
  • Drunk guy: Maybe, if you show my your tits.
  • Drunk girl: Now, or later?

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or he could be a turfgrass management major

103 [+ / -]     Mar 18, 2009

  • Drunk Guy 1: What class do you have at nine?
  • Drunk Guy 2: Fire ants.
  • Drunk Guy 1: What?
  • Drunk Guy 3: I assume he meant finance.

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in this case, it wasn't worth a shot

113 [+ / -]     Mar 06, 2009

  • Drunk Girl: (to Guy) Hey, I need to get laid tonight. Will you buy me a shot?
  • (Guy and Drunk Girl take a shot)
  • Drunk Girl: Okay, thanks!
  • (Drunk Girl walks away)

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that's what you get for partying at officemax

17 [+ / -]     Feb 24, 2009

  • guy passed out on the couch at transmet after the bama game.

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remember that time when we were all breathing?

125 [+ / -]     Feb 19, 2009

  • Girl 1: Do you remember that time when we were all kind of drunk at Gumby's?
  • Girl 2: Um, you just described all of freshman year.

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its sad when even professors think thursday is the weekend

82 [+ / -]     Feb 18, 2009

  • Professor: It's referring to how the different organs in your body perform different functions. Your heart pumps blood and your liver helps you recover from Thursday night.

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is it friday night already?

33 [+ / -]     Jan 23, 2009

  • (After a failed keg stand)
  • Guy 1: You have to put it all the way in your mouth!
  • Guy 2: Only if you're pumping it while I do it!

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Comments (19) | Speak Your Piece


"stay in school" apparently doesn't count

-71 [+ / -]     Jan 17, 2009

  • Girl 1: So, the bartender at the club was really rude to me! He called me out at the end of the night for not tipping him! I couldn't believe it!
  • Girl 2: Well, how many beers did you have?
  • Girl 1: Five.

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Comments (13) | Speak Your Piece


there's no place like home, there's no place like home...

-50 [+ / -]     Jan 08, 2009

  • Drunk Girl: Ohmigod! What are you doing in Athens?!
  • (Pause)
  • Sober Guy: I live here.
  • Drunk Girl: Ohmigod! Me too!

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he's the worst stalker ever

-57 [+ / -]     Dec 21, 2008

  • Drunk Freshman Girl 1: Like, ohmigod, I should be falling over right, now!
  • Drunk Freshman Girl 2: No, girl, you're fine.
  • Drunk Freshman Girl 1: And, ohmigod! Like, why was Joseph kissing all over me?
  • Drunk Freshman Girl 2: Because he doesn't know that you have a boyfriend!
  • Drunk Freshman Girl 1: Ohmigod, does he not check Facebook? Like, what the eff?
  • Drunk Freshman Girl 2: I guess not, girl.

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keychain breathalyzers are great stocking stuffers

93 [+ / -]     Dec 19, 2008

  • Drunk Guy 1: You cool to drive?
  • Drunk Guy 2: Yeah, unless I get pulled over.

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good thing they weren't using the blender for margaritas

24 [+ / -]     Dec 04, 2008

  • Girl: You were ridiculous last night. You were hitting on everyone.
  • Guy: I know, I was so drunk last night I would have stuck my dick in anything.

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alcohol significantly affects pattern recognition

151 [+ / -]     Nov 11, 2008

  • Drunk redneck: You fucking suck!
  • Bagpipes guy: Shut the hell up, fucker!
  • Drunk redneck: At least I'm not playing a fiddle!
  • Bagpipes guy: Neither am I, dumbass!

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though his sense of humor sounds far from it

97 [+ / -]     Oct 26, 2008

  • Guy 1: So some drunk guy just walked into your room and pissed in your roommate's dresser?
  • Guy 2: Pretty much.
  • Guy 1: And you just stood there? What kind of friend are you?
  • Guy 2: A dry one.

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that's the other kind of free ride

57 [+ / -]     Oct 24, 2008

  • Girl 1: Take WatchDawgs home!
  • Girl 2: Okay, who's he?
  • Girl 1: What!? It's a free safe ride service, and we're here, so ride.
  • Girl 2: Oh, no thanks. I'm trying to find a man.

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giving new meaning to driving on fumes

81 [+ / -]     Oct 23, 2008

  • Professor: I saw you on your scooter the other day! I waved and yelled but I guess you didn't hear me.
  • Student: Oh, I had my iPod headphones in... and I'm usually blitzed.

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and the superlative for "take home to mom" goes to...

103 [+ / -]     Sep 23, 2008

  • Drunk Girl: I feel so trashy right now!
  • Guy: I mean, you did just flash two construction workers.

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if it ain't broke...

-3 [+ / -]     Sep 22, 2008

  • Hipster: I like Nyquil. But Nyquil with liquor in it? Kinda gross.

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she pays for med school the old-fashioned way

87 [+ / -]     Sep 20, 2008

  • Drunk Guy: You can't party like me.
  • Drunk Girl: Oh, yes I can.
  • Drunk Guy: Bet you 100 dollars you don't last 'til midnight.
  • Drunk Girl: Alright, 100 dollars. Easiest money I ever made. Besides that lap dance earlier.

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the limit as age goes to zero is... wait, where's my drink?

-32 [+ / -]     Sep 20, 2008

  • Drunk sorostitute: I learn so much at college!
  • Drunk fratty: Like... calc?
  • Drunk sorostitute: No, like did you know before a baby is born, it's zero years old?

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there's nothing better than a bus with it's own full bar

108 [+ / -]     Sep 12, 2008

  • Passenger: Want a beer?
  • Driver: No thanks.
  • Passenger: Shot of something?
  • Driver: I am driving a 40,000 pound bus, no thanks.

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damn, i must have left it in my other overalls

147 [+ / -]     Sep 10, 2008

  • 6-year-old boy: Can I have something to drink?
  • Bartender: May I see some ID first?

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observe the humble wallflorius athenius in her natural environment

44 [+ / -]     Sep 09, 2008

  • Nothing like a crazy night on the town to get you pumped!

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nothing like an existential crisis on your birthday

55 [+ / -]     Sep 09, 2008

  • Drunk Girl: Hey! Hey! It's my birthday!
  • Drunk Guy: Really? So how old are you?
  • (Drunk Girl opens her wallet and stares at a fake ID)
  • Drunk Girl: Well, according to this one, it says I'm 22.

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maybe that's just what he drank on the trip

117 [+ / -]     Sep 09, 2008

  • Georgia Mom: So, my son came home with a whole bunch of recycling in the back of his truck.
  • (pauses)
  • Georgia Mom: It was all beer bottles, but at least he's recycling.

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which resulted in that infamous sliding glass door incident

63 [+ / -]     Sep 04, 2008

  • Drunk guy 1: Hey, why aren't you doing a keg stand or funneling something?
  • Drunk guy 2: I've stopped doing that sort of thing.
  • Drunk guy 1: Why?
  • Drunk guy 2: The last four times I have, I whipped my cock out.

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that is definitely on the list of warning signs

66 [+ / -]     Sep 03, 2008

  • Girl: Ugh, I couldn't sleep at all last night. I think it's because I was sober.

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good friends will never lie to you

167 [+ / -]     Sep 02, 2008

  • Drunk Girl 1: Look, I drank so much downtown that my stomach is poking out in my dress!
  • Drunk Girl 2: Your stomach was poking out well before we went downtown.

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love unto others as you would love unto yourself

66 [+ / -]     Aug 27, 2008

  • Drunk guy 1: Yeah, I don't know if it's gonna work out. But I do really care about her.
  • Drunk guy 2: I have no doubt that you love her as much as she loves you. But I doubt that she loves you as much as you love you.
  • Drunk guy 1: Damn, that's deep.

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book, cover, judge

26 [+ / -]     Aug 24, 2008

  • Bartender: What the hell dude, you couldn't tell she was a lesbian?
  • Patron: I just thought she was stylish. Feminazi style.

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beware the dangers of alcohol poisoning

32 [+ /