Brand New:
Overseen in Athens


For years you've been watching your tongue so that what you say doesn't end up here. Now, you'll have to watch how you look. You never know who has a camera.

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Quotes Filed Under "Drinking"


good thing they installed a revolving door at the jail

16 [+ / -]     Jun 25, 2009

  • (Walking away from Buddha Bar to a car)
  • Drunk guy: Man, tonight was great!
  • Sober guy: You better watch out, they are running a road block down the road.
  • Drunk guy: Man, I can't go to jail, my PO would be pissed as hell at me!

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and the worst part of all... he spilled ketchup on his shirt at dinner

7 [+ / -]     Jun 21, 2009

  • Prior to passing out, this guy not only threw up all over himself, but he also peed his pants.

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athens, home of the minor in possession

45 [+ / -]     May 31, 2009

  • Training for college.

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sam adams the study buddy

3 [+ / -]     May 13, 2009

  • Fratty 1: Dude, are you ready for the final? I'm nervous.
  • Fratty 2: Not me. I had a beer to calm the nerves.
  • Fratty 1: You had a beer?
  • Fratty 2: Yeah, a beer or two. I got to pee.

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i went out and got horsefaced last night

46 [+ / -]     May 04, 2009

  • Horse head drinking bear.

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i must be going to the wrong parties

158 [+ / -]     Apr 29, 2009

  • Drunk Girl: She was really drunk.
  • Guy: I think you're all really drunk.
  • Drunk Girl: No. I mean she-showed-me-her-pussy drunk.

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those wily gator fans...

217 [+ / -]     Apr 25, 2009

  • Drunk guy: Hey there officer, was the music too loud?
  • Cop: We had a complaint about the noise and some underage drinking. I'm gonna let you off the hook this time, but I don't want to see anyone walking around with red solo cups in there.
  • Drunk guy: Oh, don't worry officer... we have green ones.

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well, we know what she gave up for lent

-70 [+ / -]     Apr 13, 2009

  • Sister: So, I talked to mom. Supposedly everyone is coming for Easter. Kristin is coming and supposedly she just got out of rehab for alcoholism. Can you believe that?
  • Brother: Does that mean we can't drink at Easter?
  • Sister: Well, only a little.

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point / counterpoint

135 [+ / -]     Mar 25, 2009

  • (Drunk Guy and Drunk Girl making out at party)
  • Drunk Girl: I think it would probably be best if we stopped.
  • Drunk Guy: I think it would be best if you gave me head.

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so, none of the above

7 [+ / -]     Mar 24, 2009

  • Drunk Girl: Um, can I like, get a taco please?
  • Cashier: Sure. What kind would you like? Steak, chicken, or chorizo?
  • Drunk Girl: Um, like, meat, I guess?
  • Cashier: Well, what kind of meat? Steak, chicken, or chorizo?
  • Drunk Girl: Um, you know, like that stuff that comes on tacos at Taco Bell?

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binge or binge not. there is no sip.

71 [+ / -]     Mar 22, 2009

  • Fratty: Are you going downtown tonight?
  • Sorostitute: No, I can't.
  • Fratty: Oh, come on.
  • Sorostitute: I really can't. I gave up binge drinking for Lent.

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why not both?

-17 [+ / -]     Mar 20, 2009

  • Drunk guy: You can't come to Mardi Gras with us, its a boys-only trip.
  • Drunk girl: Please?
  • Drunk guy: Maybe, if you show my your tits.
  • Drunk girl: Now, or later?

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or he could be a turfgrass management major

102 [+ / -]     Mar 18, 2009

  • Drunk Guy 1: What class do you have at nine?
  • Drunk Guy 2: Fire ants.
  • Drunk Guy 1: What?
  • Drunk Guy 3: I assume he meant finance.

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in this case, it wasn't worth a shot

107 [+ / -]     Mar 06, 2009

  • Drunk Girl: (to Guy) Hey, I need to get laid tonight. Will you buy me a shot?
  • (Guy and Drunk Girl take a shot)
  • Drunk Girl: Okay, thanks!
  • (Drunk Girl walks away)

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that's what you get for partying at officemax

15 [+ / -]     Feb 24, 2009

  • guy passed out on the couch at transmet after the bama game.

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remember that time when we were all breathing?

124 [+ / -]     Feb 19, 2009

  • Girl 1: Do you remember that time when we were all kind of drunk at Gumby's?
  • Girl 2: Um, you just described all of freshman year.

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its sad when even professors think thursday is the weekend

78 [+ / -]     Feb 18, 2009

  • Professor: It's referring to how the different organs in your body perform different functions. Your heart pumps blood and your liver helps you recover from Thursday night.

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is it friday night already?

31 [+ / -]     Jan 23, 2009

  • (After a failed keg stand)
  • Guy 1: You have to put it all the way in your mouth!
  • Guy 2: Only if you're pumping it while I do it!

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Comments (19) | Speak Your Piece


"stay in school" apparently doesn't count

-71 [+ / -]     Jan 17, 2009

  • Girl 1: So, the bartender at the club was really rude to me! He called me out at the end of the night for not tipping him! I couldn't believe it!
  • Girl 2: Well, how many beers did you have?
  • Girl 1: Five.

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Comments (13) | Speak Your Piece


there's no place like home, there's no place like home...

-50 [+ / -]     Jan 08, 2009

  • Drunk Girl: Ohmigod! What are you doing in Athens?!
  • (Pause)
  • Sober Guy: I live here.
  • Drunk Girl: Ohmigod! Me too!

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he's the worst stalker ever

-56 [+ / -]     Dec 21, 2008

  • Drunk Freshman Girl 1: Like, ohmigod, I should be falling over right, now!
  • Drunk Freshman Girl 2: No, girl, you're fine.
  • Drunk Freshman Girl 1: And, ohmigod! Like, why was Joseph kissing all over me?
  • Drunk Freshman Girl 2: Because he doesn't know that you have a boyfriend!
  • Drunk Freshman Girl 1: Ohmigod, does he not check Facebook? Like, what the eff?
  • Drunk Freshman Girl 2: I guess not, girl.

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keychain breathalyzers are great stocking stuffers

91 [+ / -]     Dec 19, 2008

  • Drunk Guy 1: You cool to drive?
  • Drunk Guy 2: Yeah, unless I get pulled over.

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good thing they weren't using the blender for margaritas

22 [+ / -]     Dec 04, 2008

  • Girl: You were ridiculous last night. You were hitting on everyone.
  • Guy: I know, I was so drunk last night I would have stuck my dick in anything.

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alcohol significantly affects pattern recognition

151 [+ / -]     Nov 11, 2008

  • Drunk redneck: You fucking suck!
  • Bagpipes guy: Shut the hell up, fucker!
  • Drunk redneck: At least I'm not playing a fiddle!
  • Bagpipes guy: Neither am I, dumbass!

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though his sense of humor sounds far from it

98 [+ / -]     Oct 26, 2008

  • Guy 1: So some drunk guy just walked into your room and pissed in your roommate's dresser?
  • Guy 2: Pretty much.
  • Guy 1: And you just stood there? What kind of friend are you?
  • Guy 2: A dry one.

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that's the other kind of free ride

57 [+ / -]     Oct 24, 2008

  • Girl 1: Take WatchDawgs home!
  • Girl 2: Okay, who's he?
  • Girl 1: What!? It's a free safe ride service, and we're here, so ride.
  • Girl 2: Oh, no thanks. I'm trying to find a man.

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giving new meaning to driving on fumes

80 [+ / -]     Oct 23, 2008

  • Professor: I saw you on your scooter the other day! I waved and yelled but I guess you didn't hear me.
  • Student: Oh, I had my iPod headphones in... and I'm usually blitzed.

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and the superlative for "take home to mom" goes to...

105 [+ / -]     Sep 23, 2008

  • Drunk Girl: I feel so trashy right now!
  • Guy: I mean, you did just flash two construction workers.

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if it ain't broke...

-4 [+ / -]     Sep 22, 2008

  • Hipster: I like Nyquil. But Nyquil with liquor in it? Kinda gross.

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she pays for med school the old-fashioned way

86 [+ / -]     Sep 20, 2008

  • Drunk Guy: You can't party like me.
  • Drunk Girl: Oh, yes I can.
  • Drunk Guy: Bet you 100 dollars you don't last 'til midnight.
  • Drunk Girl: Alright, 100 dollars. Easiest money I ever made. Besides that lap dance earlier.

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the limit as age goes to zero is... wait, where's my drink?

-31 [+ / -]     Sep 20, 2008

  • Drunk sorostitute: I learn so much at college!
  • Drunk fratty: Like... calc?
  • Drunk sorostitute: No, like did you know before a baby is born, it's zero years old?

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there's nothing better than a bus with it's own full bar

103 [+ / -]     Sep 12, 2008

  • Passenger: Want a beer?
  • Driver: No thanks.
  • Passenger: Shot of something?
  • Driver: I am driving a 40,000 pound bus, no thanks.

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damn, i must have left it in my other overalls

142 [+ / -]     Sep 10, 2008

  • 6-year-old boy: Can I have something to drink?
  • Bartender: May I see some ID first?

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observe the humble wallflorius athenius in her natural environment

42 [+ / -]     Sep 09, 2008

  • Nothing like a crazy night on the town to get you pumped!

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nothing like an existential crisis on your birthday

53 [+ / -]     Sep 09, 2008

  • Drunk Girl: Hey! Hey! It's my birthday!
  • Drunk Guy: Really? So how old are you?
  • (Drunk Girl opens her wallet and stares at a fake ID)
  • Drunk Girl: Well, according to this one, it says I'm 22.

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maybe that's just what he drank on the trip

114 [+ / -]     Sep 09, 2008

  • Georgia Mom: So, my son came home with a whole bunch of recycling in the back of his truck.
  • (pauses)
  • Georgia Mom: It was all beer bottles, but at least he's recycling.

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which resulted in that infamous sliding glass door incident

61 [+ / -]     Sep 04, 2008

  • Drunk guy 1: Hey, why aren't you doing a keg stand or funneling something?
  • Drunk guy 2: I've stopped doing that sort of thing.
  • Drunk guy 1: Why?
  • Drunk guy 2: The last four times I have, I whipped my cock out.

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that is definitely on the list of warning signs

66 [+ / -]     Sep 03, 2008

  • Girl: Ugh, I couldn't sleep at all last night. I think it's because I was sober.

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good friends will never lie to you

165 [+ / -]     Sep 02, 2008

  • Drunk Girl 1: Look, I drank so much downtown that my stomach is poking out in my dress!
  • Drunk Girl 2: Your stomach was poking out well before we went downtown.

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love unto others as you would love unto yourself

67 [+ / -]     Aug 27, 2008

  • Drunk guy 1: Yeah, I don't know if it's gonna work out. But I do really care about her.
  • Drunk guy 2: I have no doubt that you love her as much as she loves you. But I doubt that she loves you as much as you love you.
  • Drunk guy 1: Damn, that's deep.

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book, cover, judge

26 [+ / -]     Aug 24, 2008

  • Bartender: What the hell dude, you couldn't tell she was a lesbian?
  • Patron: I just thought she was stylish. Feminazi style.

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beware the dangers of alcohol poisoning

34 [+ / -]     Aug 23, 2008

  • Found this guy out in the parking lot one morning (look closely to see the cigarette in its mouth).