Brand New:
Overseen in Athens


For years you've been watching your tongue so that what you say doesn't end up here. Now, you'll have to watch how you look. You never know who has a camera.

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Quotes Filed Under "Dumbass"


it's in the back next to the 2010 super bowl

4 [+ / -]     Jul 02, 2009

  • Customer: Do you have the live action version of "Blood, The Last Vampire?"
  • Clerk: I didn't know there was one. Is it new or old?
  • Customer: I looked online and it said it comes out next month.

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yes, i do work on commission. why do you ask?

12 [+ / -]     Jun 30, 2009

  • Girl: Can you tell me the differences between the Dodge Ram 1500 and the Ford F-150?
  • Car Salesman: I don't know much about cars, just what's on the sticker.

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her work keeps her from traveling... or reading... too much

38 [+ / -]     Jun 18, 2009

  • Stripper: What do you do?
  • Horny guy: I travel a lot... heading to Vancouver next week.
  • Stripper: Vancouver?
  • Horny guy: Yeah, you know, British Columbia.
  • Stripper: Ooooh! South Carolina!
  • Horny guy: Yeah, Vancouver, South Carolina.

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they aren't known for their self-esteem

30 [+ / -]     Jun 08, 2009

  • Host: How many are in your party?
  • Sorostitute: (counts everyone) One, two, three, four, five... five.
  • Host: Did you count yourself?
  • Sorostitute: (counts again) One, two, three, four, five, six... six.

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better safe than stupid

111 [+ / -]     May 05, 2009

  • Sorostitute: I went the hospital last night.
  • Friend: Oh my God, why!?
  • Sorostitute: Well, at like 3:00 AM I ate a bunch of food and looked up diabetes on the Internet and I thought I had it, so I called an ambulance. But they said I'm good.

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simpson?

64 [+ / -]     May 01, 2009

  • Student: Could you tell me how much Homer's Odyssey costs?
  • Info lady: Who's the author?
  • Student: Homer...

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i wouldn't declare "mission accomplished" just yet

-35 [+ / -]     Apr 29, 2009

  • Guy 1: Dude, you said her name right the first time! It took me like four tries.
  • Guy 2: I'm a stickler for pronunciation. But that's only because I used to mispronunciate all the time.

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if walt disney can do it...

126 [+ / -]     Apr 24, 2009

  • Girl 1: So, did you hear that they found a 40,000 year-old baby mammoth in ice?
  • Girl 2: No way! Was it still alive?
  • Girl 1: Seriously?

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in a past life, maybe?

10 [+ / -]     Mar 26, 2009

  • Drunk Girl: How old are you?
  • Bartender cleaning up her vomit: Twenty-six.
  • Drunk Girl: Have you ever been Twenty-four?

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so, none of the above

7 [+ / -]     Mar 24, 2009

  • Drunk Girl: Um, can I like, get a taco please?
  • Cashier: Sure. What kind would you like? Steak, chicken, or chorizo?
  • Drunk Girl: Um, like, meat, I guess?
  • Cashier: Well, what kind of meat? Steak, chicken, or chorizo?
  • Drunk Girl: Um, you know, like that stuff that comes on tacos at Taco Bell?

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i'll have a salt and pepper light

-32 [+ / -]     Mar 24, 2009

  • Beer Tour Guide: Who can tell me three ingredients in beer?
  • Fratty 1: Alcohol!
  • Beer Tour Guide: No, that's actually a by-product.
  • Fratty 2: Salt and pepper!

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easy come, easy go

12 [+ / -]     Mar 21, 2009

  • Freshman girl: You want to hear a really embarrassing story? At graduation, you know how you're supposed to throw your hat? I threw my diploma instead.

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understanding temperature is not one of them

-57 [+ / -]     Mar 09, 2009

  • Fratty 1: All of this snow and shit better be gone when I get back from fucking spring break, man.
  • Fratty 2: It'll be over a week from now, so I'm pretty sure it'll all be gone.
  • Fratty 1: You never know man. Global warming does all kinds of crazy shit.

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even more common than you might think

23 [+ / -]     Mar 07, 2009

  • I hope this happens at Tech too...

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hope she scores a perfect 320%

20 [+ / -]     Mar 03, 2009

  • Sorostitute: So our final for that class is gonna be eight questions, which scares me because that means each one is worth, like, 40% of the test.

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vendredi gras and ash saturday don't have the same ring

87 [+ / -]     Feb 25, 2009

  • (After seeing girls dressed in green, yellow and purple pile into a taxi)
  • Girl: Looks like someone's going downtown to celebrate Mardi Gras.
  • Guy: Lucky! Ugh! Why does it have to be on a Tuesday this year?

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kicker for the falcons, dumbass

-57 [+ / -]     Feb 23, 2009

  • Fratty 1: So I heard Michael Adams makes like $600,000.
  • Fratty 2: Who's Michael Adams?

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funny, i don't remember voting for him

20 [+ / -]     Feb 19, 2009

  • Sorostitute: Who is that guy?
  • Guy: Really? That's the President.
  • Sorostitute: Of the United States?
  • Guy: No.
  • Sorostitute: I mean, not the current President. You know what I mean.
  • Guy: No, that's the President of UGA.
  • Sorostitute: Oh, hah. Wait, we have a President of UGA?

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let's hope it wasn't an english assignment

4 [+ / -]     Feb 19, 2009

  • Guy 1: I'm not slow, I'm just less speedier than everybody else.
  • Guy 2: Less speedier. I think that explains everything right there.

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can you repeat the question?

72 [+ / -]     Feb 17, 2009

  • Sorostitute 1: So my Philosophy professor was telling my class about his professor in college making their final one question. So we asked what the question was and he said "Why?"
  • Sorostitute 2: That's so mean to not tell you the question.

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now if you'll excuse me, i'm off to math class

-55 [+ / -]     Feb 16, 2009

  • Guy: What time is it? I have to get to class.
  • Girl: 7:25.
  • Guy: Sweet! I'm five minutes early for being ten minutes early.
  • Girl: Oh my gosh, why are you coming to class 25 minutes early? You're such an overachiever, you bookworm!

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"hello? geico? i was wondering if i have the complete dumbass coverage on my policy..."

61 [+ / -]     Feb 15, 2009

  • apparently she didn't notice that the driveway ended...

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alaho!

-53 [+ / -]     Feb 13, 2009

  • Sign in the College Station Kroger, taken 2-12-09

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when she stops lying, she can finally become a real blond

97 [+ / -]     Feb 10, 2009

  • (During a weight lifting class)
  • Girl 1: I want blonder hair. I think I'm going to get highlights.
  • Girl 2: Yeah, my hair is naturally blond, but for some reason my roots come out brown.

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what does that say about kindergarten teachers?

14 [+ / -]     Feb 09, 2009

  • Student 1: I just got my paper back, and the good thing about college is that the teachers, they have been through college.
  • Student 2: What do you mean?
  • Student 1: Well in high school my english teacher always tried to correct me, but what does she know? She never went to college.
  • Student 2: Why do you say that?
  • Student 1: Because she taught high school.

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she got it from a strange man on halloween

73 [+ / -]     Feb 04, 2009

  • Girl 1: Wait, why are there four main characters in The Three Musketeers?
  • Girl 2: Because it's all about the wannabe guy, but he's not actually part of the three.
  • Girl 1: Oh, right! I guess that's why the candy is called Four Musketeers!
  • Guy: Uh, where do you buy your candy?

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her MRS degree is a double major

95 [+ / -]     Feb 04, 2009

  • Sorostitute 1: Oh, what, so you believe in more than one god?
  • Sorostitute 2: Yeah, I'm a polygamist!

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don't forget to take wind resistance into account

58 [+ / -]     Feb 03, 2009

  • Athlete 1: What is the size of Africa?
  • Athlete 2: It's 200,000 square miles per hour.

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as long as there is no grammar involved

-90 [+ / -]     Feb 03, 2009

  • Guy: Yeah, I always do good on standardized tests.

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