Quotes Filed Under "Ew."


they don't make a topical cream for lawsuits

-11 [+ / -]     Jul 23, 2008

  • Drunk Fratty: Dude, that totally sucks ya'll are gonna get sued.
  • Bar Employee: Yeah, it sucks worse than the time I had warts on my ass.

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horrible mental image for the day? check.

44 [+ / -]     Jul 21, 2008

  • Old woman: (referring to a dress in the juniors department) This is cute.
  • Old man: Is it a dress or a shirt?
  • Old woman: It's a babydoll dress. You know, like I used to wear.
  • Old man: Yeah, back in the day when I didn't need my blue pills.

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after which he can finally earn his closet homosexuality merit badge

-43 [+ / -]     Jul 09, 2008

  • (A gaggle of ballcaps is walking by Trappeze)
  • Ballcap: My goal is for, by the end of pledge-ship, that every pledge see my entire cock and balls.

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just don't rear end him

8 [+ / -]     Jul 04, 2008

  • I haven't seen truck nutz since I lived in Alabama.

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so, he's talking shit?

-9 [+ / -]     Jun 28, 2008

  • Irritated Guy: Everything you say comes out of your ass!

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and did you make sure she had her lunch money?

121 [+ / -]     Jun 24, 2008

  • (Watching Sorostitute dance on a bar)
  • Girl: I don't think that girl is wearing any underwear.
  • Guy 1: Are you sure? Maybe its just a thong.
  • Girl: Um... I don't think so.
  • Guy 2: Yeah, she's wearing underwear. I made sure before we left the house.

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you're making me horny. you wouldn't like me when i'm horny.

-7 [+ / -]     Jun 22, 2008

  • Guy: Please don't make horny, I might puke.

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or anywhere near me for that matter

80 [+ / -]     Jun 11, 2008

  • Guy: (seeing a girl hunched on the stairs at a party) Oh, come on!
  • Girl: Oh, don't "come on" me!
  • Guy: (after a pause) Seriously?

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everything i need to know i learned from my daddy

76 [+ / -]     Jun 09, 2008

  • Father: Come on, let's go.
  • Little Girl: Daddy, I have to go to the bathroom.
  • Father: Just pee in the pool.

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isn't it the guy who usually says that?

56 [+ / -]     May 29, 2008

  • Sorostitute: Tim, girls can't get crabs. Everyone knows that.

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we'd hate to see another one fall in and drown

-21 [+ / -]     May 27, 2008

  • Drunk Guy 1: I gotta piss.
  • (Drunk Guy 1 gets up to go to restroom. Drunk Guy 2 begins to follow.)
  • Drunk Girl: Where are you going?
  • Drunk Guy 2: He might need my help. He's just a skinny little white kid.

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someone's holding the map upside down

-16 [+ / -]     May 24, 2008

  • Older woman to another: Let's walk through this colon.

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it only does monologues

53 [+ / -]     May 21, 2008

  • Guy: (talking about another guy singing) He sounds like such a pussy.
  • Girl: My vagina does not sing pop.

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