Brand New:
Overseen in Athens


For years you've been watching your tongue so that what you say doesn't end up here. Now, you'll have to watch how you look. You never know who has a camera.

Here's the link
 

Quotes Filed Under "Ew."


and the worst part of all... he spilled ketchup on his shirt at dinner

6 [+ / -]     Jun 21, 2009

  • Prior to passing out, this guy not only threw up all over himself, but he also peed his pants.

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that explains the burning down there

91 [+ / -]     Jun 02, 2009

  • Prostitute: I used to be the toast of the town. I even had a pair of panties I got at K-Mart that said "toast of the town" right on the crotch.

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i'll be absent for that, thank you

50 [+ / -]     Apr 30, 2009

  • (Professor's contact falls out)
  • Professor: Crap, I'll have to be blind for the rest of class. Let me increase my nuts.
  • (The class stares)
  • Professor: Notes, I mean notes.

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i must be going to the wrong parties

158 [+ / -]     Apr 29, 2009

  • Drunk Girl: She was really drunk.
  • Guy: I think you're all really drunk.
  • Drunk Girl: No. I mean she-showed-me-her-pussy drunk.

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and for my next trick...

-10 [+ / -]     Apr 21, 2009

  • TA: So when I turn around, my ass is going be wet.
  • (Class stares for ten seconds)
  • TA: It's not what you think.

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and maybe slow down on the motorcycle, too

71 [+ / -]     Apr 09, 2009

  • Girl: So he takes a turn at like, 80 miles per hour, almost throws the bike, and I swear to God my piercing almost rips my clit out.
  • Gay Guy: No more riding for you.

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there's so much to say...

53 [+ / -]     Apr 04, 2009

  • (In the men's room, Dave Matthews is playing)
  • Fratty: Oh man, Dave Matthews!
  • Guy: Yes, one of the few musicians that can mumble and still make millions. Don't get me wrong, he's good though.
  • Fratty: Yeah, man! I used to beat off to Dave Matthews when I was 14.

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but not with anyone who heard that

146 [+ / -]     Apr 02, 2009

  • Sorostitute: Once I pass this kidney stone, I am going to have all kinds of sex.

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in a past life, maybe?

10 [+ / -]     Mar 26, 2009

  • Drunk Girl: How old are you?
  • Bartender cleaning up her vomit: Twenty-six.
  • Drunk Girl: Have you ever been Twenty-four?

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i'm kind of a big deal...

105 [+ / -]     Mar 26, 2009

  • Fratty 1: Dude, you have a boner.
  • Fratty 2: (looks at his crotch) Don't act like you're not impressed.

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toeing the line

193 [+ / -]     Mar 17, 2009

  • Sorostitute: I liked that last one. That last one looked really nice on me.
  • Gay Dad 1: I don't care how hot you think it looked. The first thing I saw was the camel toe.
  • Sorostitute: Dad, don't say that. That's gross!
  • Gay Dad 2: (to Gay Dad 1) Dear, just because you can see it, doesn't mean you need to say it. (to Sorostitute) I'm sorry, honey, but the camel toe was really prominent.
  • Sorostitute: Stop saying camel toe! If I hear that word one more time, I'm going to lose it!
  • Guy at Next Table: Camel Toe!
  • Sorostitute: Do something, dad!
  • (She storm out, the two gay dads stare at the guy at the next table, then stand up and leave the restaurant)

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patriotism is a bit different down there

-71 [+ / -]     Mar 16, 2009

  • Stoned Kid: Ya know what's a nice place? New Zealand, and they're weathering this storm pretty well. I mean, all they do is fuck sheep. If it came down to choosing between nuclear holocaust and fucking sheep, I'm totally fucking the sheep.

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well, i did it on my own time and wasn't paid, but i swear it was a job

14 [+ / -]     Mar 14, 2009

  • Professor: So I had this job removing eyes from dead people... it was creepy as shit. That whole, "the eyes are the window to the soul" thing, yeah it messes you up. What if someone's soul just popped out while I was cutting the muscles around the eye?

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like all good erections, this one will melt too soon

67 [+ / -]     Mar 05, 2009

  • Well... hopefully you can tell what it is. These were quite the skillful sculptors.

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isn't there a section on craigslist for this?

77 [+ / -]     Mar 03, 2009

  • Girl: Why were you doing laundry at 8 am on a snow day?
  • Guy: Well, have you ever dreamed you were peeing in a toilet and pissed your bed?
  • Girl: No. But now I'm super turned on.

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so that's the secret ingredient

87 [+ / -]     Mar 02, 2009

  • Stoner Guy 1: Dude, popcorn would be awesome right now.
  • Stoner Guy 2: No dude, pizza would be good right now.
  • Stoner Girl: Neither. Penis would be good right now.
  • Stoner Guys: (looking at each other) What?!
  • Stoner Girl: (pretending nothing happened) Yeah, let's order Gumby's.

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...to try to figure out how to erase the mental image

67 [+ / -]     Feb 26, 2009

  • Girl: So we were at Thanksgiving Dinner and my grandma looks up and says, "My vagina burns!" Then she went on to complain about how she thought my grandpa was cheating on her and gave her some STD or something. All the kids got up and left the table.

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a picture is worth a thousand words, just don't say them out loud

22 [+ / -]     Jan 17, 2009

  • Girl 1: Over the break I got a fork stabbed in my eye! It bled and bled and all this white stuff came out of it and I pulled it out myself and drove to the ER!
  • Girl 2: Ohmigod that is so disgusting! Don't tell me one more thing about that!
  • Girl 1: (pause) Do you want to see pictures?
  • Girl 2: Hell yeah!

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as opposed to a non-up-the-butt enema

-68 [+ / -]     Jan 13, 2009

  • Girl 1: So yeah, like I totally had the worst Christmas break ever! My family was driving me crazy and I just wanted to come back and get away!
  • Girl 2: That sucks, mine was pretty great.
  • Girl 1: And to top it all off, the dog was having seizures and we had to give him an enema up his butt. Do you even comprehend how not-fun that was?
  • Girl 2: Damn.

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just tell him to talk to the hand

71 [+ / -]     Jan 12, 2009

  • Fratty 1: So I was reading this article about what guys really mean when they say things, and apparently when a guy says "I don't masturbate very much," it means "I masturbate more than I wash my hands."
  • Fratty 2: Thats so true, I never wash my hands, and I think I'm gonna go masturbate right now!
  • Fratty 1: No way, I don't want to eat alone again!

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he's a bit unclear on the other half of the word

73 [+ / -]     Jan 08, 2009

  • Fratty 1: I don't like percocets. They don't work and they make my butt itch.
  • Fratty 2: What do you mean they make your butt itch?
  • Fratty 1: The pharmacist said they're analgesics.
  • Fratty 2: Do you know what that means?
  • Fratty 1: I know what anal means.

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how's it hanging?

125 [+ / -]     Jan 07, 2009

  • (In the underwear department at Wal-Mart)
  • Redneck Mom: (holding up a pair of panties) How about these?
  • Redneck Daughter: (yelling) My coochie don't hang that low, mama!

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there's a pacman joke here somewhere

10 [+ / -]     Dec 30, 2008

  • Her ass got hungry and decided to eat her pants...yummy!

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there needs to be a better tie breaker for "not it"

75 [+ / -]     Dec 26, 2008

  • Girl 1: So this drunk homeless guy peed himself in one of the library chairs yesterday.
  • Girl 2: Who cleaned it?
  • Girl 1: No one... they just put a sign on it that said, "Do not sit in this chair."

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so much for trying the spaghetti noodle kiss thing

5 [+ / -]     Dec 25, 2008

  • (Two guys are sitting across from each other at a restaurant)
  • Guy 1: Man, you fucking smell funny.
  • Guy 2: Yeah, I don't really see the point of showering in the winter.

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good thing they weren't using the blender for margaritas

22 [+ / -]     Dec 04, 2008

  • Girl: You were ridiculous last night. You were hitting on everyone.
  • Guy: I know, I was so drunk last night I would have stuck my dick in anything.

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what does he do to people he hates?

-12 [+ / -]     Dec 03, 2008

  • Teacher: (discussing harsh grading on papers) If I crap on you, it's because I love you.
  • Student: Yeah, I crap on the people I love too.

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we had to google this one... and now our minds are scarred

37 [+ / -]     Dec 01, 2008

  • Found on Lumpkin Street while walking to tailgate in 2007

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it's not just fluoride they're adding to the water

95 [+ / -]     Nov 23, 2008

  • Probably the best thing I have ever received in the mail. Compliments of the Athens-Clarke County water business office

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we'd recommend a laxative for that

102 [+ / -]     Nov 21, 2008

  • Student: A faculty bathroom? What's that supposed to mean?
  • Religion teacher: It means I can poop there and you can't.

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master one skill before moving on to another, grasshopper

189 [+ / -]     Nov 11, 2008

  • Guy: Why won't you just take it up the butt?
  • Girl: I already take it from the front and don't get anything out of it. Why add another dimension?

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zack and miri don't make a porno

-29 [+ / -]     Nov 10, 2008

  • Guy: She makes more money than I do!
  • Girl: I don't care. I'd rather be poor and keep my twat in my pants.

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help! my daisy dukes are altering the space-time continuum!

-7 [+ / -]     Nov 08, 2008

  • half naked african american cross dresser outside of Bourbon Street.

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only 15 in a school zone

-30 [+ / -]     Nov 08, 2008

  • Girl: Hold on! Let me go get my goggles. I heard that cum comes out at 20 miles per hour.

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at least they don't have a "try before you buy" option

-96 [+ / -]     Nov 07, 2008

  • Female Customer: Do you have any hoop nose rings?
  • Stoner Employee: Well... I don't know, these are all mixed.
  • (Silence)
  • Stoner Employee: Oh, I know what happened...

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