Brand New:
Overseen in Athens


For years you've been watching your tongue so that what you say doesn't end up here. Now, you'll have to watch how you look. You never know who has a camera.

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Quotes Filed Under "Facebook"


if it's on the internet, it must be true

27 [+ / -]     Jan 06, 2010

  • Girl: Oh, hey! Happy Birthday! I saw it on Facebook.
  • Guy: Um, my birthday's not for a month.
  • Girl: Are you sure?

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everything i need to know i learned in college

49 [+ / -]     Oct 08, 2009

  • Guy 1: Do you know anything about time management?
  • Guy 2: I am on Facebook, of course I don't know anything about time management.

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sounds like that's how things are already

81 [+ / -]     Mar 30, 2009

  • Sorostitute on Cell: Why do you want to make our relationship official on Facebook?
  • (pause)
  • Sorostitute on Cell: Wait, so you think I'm going to cheat on you if our relationship is not FBO?
  • (pause)
  • Sorostitute on Cell: You know what I could do? I can make it so that you can see that we're in a relationship, but nobody else can!

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he's the worst stalker ever

-57 [+ / -]     Dec 21, 2008

  • Drunk Freshman Girl 1: Like, ohmigod, I should be falling over right, now!
  • Drunk Freshman Girl 2: No, girl, you're fine.
  • Drunk Freshman Girl 1: And, ohmigod! Like, why was Joseph kissing all over me?
  • Drunk Freshman Girl 2: Because he doesn't know that you have a boyfriend!
  • Drunk Freshman Girl 1: Ohmigod, does he not check Facebook? Like, what the eff?
  • Drunk Freshman Girl 2: I guess not, girl.

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that's the last time i sign up for a class with dr. dre

14 [+ / -]     Dec 08, 2008

  • (Professor is taking about a quiz application on Facebook)
  • Professor: Some of you will find that you might be higher than how high you think you are.
  • (laughter)
  • Professor: I meant the results on the quiz!

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wait... we are talking about facebook, right?

17 [+ / -]     Aug 25, 2008

  • (While waiting at the Georgia Center bus stop)
  • Guy on cell: Dude! You've been poking her all day? That means she's been poking you back!

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click here to add the horrible in bed application

141 [+ / -]     Aug 18, 2008

  • Guy: Man, I was drunk as shit last night. Dude, I hooked up with a freshman. I don't think she liked it though, I tried to friend her on Facebook and she blocked me.

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click here to add the fuckbuddies application

274 [+ / -]     Jul 16, 2008

  • (Two girls are looking at Facebook)
  • Girl 1: I dunno... Should I add him as a friend?
  • Girl 2: Yeah dude, totally. Look, you have two friends in common, that means you're acquaintances. Also, you slept with him.

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click here to add the taxi driver application

154 [+ / -]     Jun 16, 2008

  • Taxi Driver: Here's my card. You can call me whenever and I'll come pick you up. Also, it has my Facebook info on there, so you can add me to your friends.
  • Drunk Girl: Hell yeah! (Looks at card) I'll Facebook the shit out of you, Harold!

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"...happy mother's day! now do my laundry."

13 [+ / -]     May 11, 2008

  • This was seen on the facebook ad board. So yeah, go buy your mom flowers WITH HER MONEY. Way to go FTD.

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just start poking her... maybe she'll get the hint

53 [+ / -]     May 05, 2008

  • Fratty: Do you think I have a chance?
  • Girl: Just because you're her friend on Facebook doesn't mean she'll sleep with you.

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click here to add "soul mates" to your profile

100 [+ / -]     Mar 05, 2008

  • Girl 1: I'm pretty sure he is my soul mate.
  • Girl 2: How can you say that about someone you have never had a conversation with?
  • Girl 1: Well, I can just tell by stalking him on Facebook.

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my college counselor never mentioned that option

-50 [+ / -]     Feb 26, 2008

  • Roommate 1: (looking at Facebook) Is that the hot girl you work with?
  • Roommate 2:Yeah dude, and she's getting her PhD in Biochemistry.
  • Roommate 1: She should get a PhD on my penis.

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it's s small town and all, but still...

155 [+ / -]     Jan 25, 2008

  • Waitress: I went ahead a put you two on the same check
  • Couple 1: Umm, alright.
  • Waitress: I knew you were together. I've seen you both on Facebook.
  • (Waitress walks away)
  • Couple 2: Guess she only stalks y'all. Were all on separate checks. Do you even know her?
  • Couple 1: Nope. No idea.

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i have it on good authority from a P.I. - public internet

-4 [+ / -]     Jan 21, 2008

  • Sorostitute 1: I think that's his ex girlfriend.
  • Sorostitute 2: Which one?
  • Sorostitute 1: The blonde.
  • Sorostitute 2: How do you know that?
  • Sorostitute 1: I stalked him on Facebook... and her too.

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there's an appropriate level of response for everything

47 [+ / -]     Dec 24, 2007

  • Sorostitute 1: Yeah, I thought she was dating him but she was really just sleeping with him. Then, we found out he was sleeping with some other girl, so we both wrote all this stuff on his Facebook profile, but he deleted it... then she totally defriended him!
  • Sorostitute 2: Wow! When I was mad at Deanna I just removed her from my top friends - I didn't totally defriend her.
  • Sorostitute 1: Yea, I guess that makes sense.

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because she's not getting poked enough already

86 [+ / -]     Dec 11, 2007

  • (Sorostitute sees her boyfriend with another girl at a bar)
  • Sorostitute: Who's that slut? I'm going to kill her! Actually I'll probably just Facebook friend her.

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that's practically a wedding

180 [+ / -]     Dec 07, 2007

  • Sorostitute: She's so wrong, I'm no slut. I wouldn't sleep with anyone until we were Facebook official.

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that's one way to crash a server

192 [+ / -]     Dec 04, 2007

  • (Heard across the computer floor in the SLC)
  • Girl: (yelling) Oh my God! My nipple is on Facebook!

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its important to think long-term

-53 [+ / -]     Jul 18, 2007

  • Sorostitute: Ohmigod! We'll like totally be FBFFL!!
  • Bartender: Huh?
  • Sorostitute: You know, Facebook Friends For Life!

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the real fun hasn't even started

-54 [+ / -]     Jul 08, 2007

  • Hungover guy: Last night was out of control!
  • Hungover girl: Downtown was crazy!
  • Together: I can't wait for the pictures to be tagged on Facebook!

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gentlemen, the ladies of mary lyndon need you

-11 [+ / -]     May 10, 2007

  • Girl 1: We've started a club in Mary Lyndon... the never-been-kissed, never-had-a-boyfriend club. Apparently, there's a high percentage of those kinds of girls in Mary Lyndon.
  • Girl 2: Ohmigod, is that a Facebook group?
  • Girl 1: No! We have more dignity than that!

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he could be president someday

40 [+ / -]     Apr 20, 2007

  • Professor: Nowadays, companies are looking at potential employees' Facebook profiles, MySpaces, things like that to see how they represent themselves. So watch what you put up online, it may cost you jobs down the line.
  • Fratty: See, but at the end of the day, if it came down to having 500 drunken pictures of me and my friends or a job, I'd pick the pictures!

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since when are they different?

120 [+ / -]     Apr 11, 2007

  • Guy 1: Are y'all friends?
  • Guy 2: You mean on Facebook?
  • Guy 1: In real life, dumbass.

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you should try everything once (except that and country line dancing)

101 [+ / -]     Apr 11, 2007

  • Guy: (looking at sorostitute's Facebook profile) You know you still have your gift to give out... and there's a cherry.
  • Sorostitute: Yeah, I kinda want to give it to my brother.

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i guess he poked her one time too many

200 [+ / -]     Mar 29, 2007

  • Girl: My man knows I'm pregnant, I just sent him a message over Facebook.

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what would jesus write on my wall?

81 [+ / -]     Feb 23, 2007

  • Girl 1: I gave up Facebook for Lent.
  • Girl 2: What?! You can't give up Facebook!

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someone needs to stop sleeping during sex

118 [+ / -]     Feb 21, 2007

  • Guy 1: So have y'all seen that Facebook group called "If a girl gets pregnant it's her fault?"
  • Guy 2: Yeah, they're like "Do you need an alarm clock to remember to take your pill everyday, bitch?"
  • Girl: Well, do you need an alarm clock to not come inside of me?

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oia salutes uga vs ole miss

-26 [+ / -]     Sep 30, 2006

  • Guy on cell: Dude, where are you? I'm beside the hedges.

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oia salutes uga vs colorado

4 [+ / -]     Sep 23, 2006

  • Roommate 1: So she said her little sister facebooked Matt Stafford and asked him to her date night.
  • Roommate 2: Who's Matt Stafford?

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6 of one, half dozen of the other

75 [+ / -]     Sep 10, 2006

  • Girl: I have a question about the new facebook notices. If you are a guy and take off "is interested in women," does it say "X is no longer interested in women" or does it say "X has come out of the closet?"

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you cannot poke yourself

116 [+ / -]     Jul 03, 2006

  • Girl 1: Athens is so slow in the summer.
  • Girl 2: I know, I hate that no one is even around to stalk me on Facebook.

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why god gave us such a wonderful tool

17 [+ / -]     May 27, 2006

  • Girl 1: Hey, it's cool. I had a one night stand with my friend's brother.
  • Girl 2: But at least you knew him. You'd be able to recognize him the next day. I would never have even known what this guy looked like without Facebook!

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not even tom wants to be her friend

36 [+ / -]     May 17, 2006

  • Girl: What is Facebook?
  • Guy: It's like MySpace, except just for college students. You get on and talk to people.
  • Girl: Well, I'm not in college, I don't have a laptop and I don't give a fuck about anyone about myself.

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can we work this out while i work this out?

290 [+ / -]     May 07, 2006

  • Sorostitute on cell: Hey. Oh. You saw it? Baby... baby. BABY! Don't be a bastard. I just took it off Facebook. That's all. We can still be boyfriend and girlfriend. I just don't want my sorority sisters to know. Baaaaby. Baby don't be a jackass. Well, I have to shit. Bye.

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beastiality wasn't an option

46 [+ / -]     Apr 20, 2006

  • Girl: I only like gay boys and republicans, I can't help it. It's my fatal flaw. Except for [him], he is neither.
  • Guy: How do you know [he] isn't gay?
  • Girl: He can't be! He just can't.
  • (Girl checks his facebook profile)
  • Girl: Oh my God, he doesn't have "interested in women" on his profile! He is gay! He must be gay! How have I missed this?!

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stalkerish? no. pathetic? yes.

23 [+ / -]     Apr 06, 2006

  • Girl: Every time a girl leaves something on his wall, I check Facebook to see if she's a slut. Is that stalkerish?

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