Brand New:
Overseen in Athens


For years you've been watching your tongue so that what you say doesn't end up here. Now, you'll have to watch how you look. You never know who has a camera.

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Quotes Filed Under "Gay"


and he's meeting the doctor for drinks on friday

-22 [+ / -]     May 16, 2009

  • Guy 1: You had to go to a urologist? Damn, what'd he say?
  • Guy 2: He said nothing was wrong. He had to check my balls, though, and... and my prostate.
  • Guy 1: Dude... shit... you're fucking gay now.

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so that's a yes?

100 [+ / -]     Apr 23, 2009

  • Fratty 1: Is it gay that I get a huge hard on when I watch Knowshon run without a shirt on?
  • Fratty 2: Maybe. All I know is I'd fuck him.

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i'm kind of a big deal...

105 [+ / -]     Mar 26, 2009

  • Fratty 1: Dude, you have a boner.
  • Fratty 2: (looks at his crotch) Don't act like you're not impressed.

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who loves the 1970s? we do!

20 [+ / -]     Mar 07, 2009

  • Store Associate: (referring to shirt boxes) There's so many tops and almost no bottoms!
  • Gay Store Manager: Baby, that's just Atlanta for ya!

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that doesn't seem to be the only problem

39 [+ / -]     Feb 19, 2009

  • Girl: I'm a lesbian and he's a gay man. We're obviously each others' soulmates... he just needs to realize he likes vagina.

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excuse me, you got a little frosting on your face

85 [+ / -]     Feb 02, 2009

  • Gay Guy: Ohmigod, this cake is so good. It's like sex in your mouth.
  • Girl: Yeah. Except that it tastes a lot better.

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and he means that literally

63 [+ / -]     Jan 27, 2009

  • Guy 1: Whoa! We almost had a gay moment there.
  • Guy 2: Well, it is college. Nowhere to go but down.

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is it friday night already?

31 [+ / -]     Jan 23, 2009

  • (After a failed keg stand)
  • Guy 1: You have to put it all the way in your mouth!
  • Guy 2: Only if you're pumping it while I do it!

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admitting you have a problem is the first step

226 [+ / -]     Jan 09, 2009

  • Sorostitute: What made you think my boyfriend wanted to make out with you?
  • Gay Guy: His erection.

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being the fill-in is a tough job, but someone's gotta do it

72 [+ / -]     Jan 02, 2009

  • (On New Year's Eve)
  • Gay Guy: Since we're the only single ones here, we have to kiss at midnight.
  • Straight Girl: Sounds good.
  • Gay Guy: Unless I find a hot guy in the next fifteen minutes, then you're out.

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i don't think his required as much preparation

-52 [+ / -]     Dec 13, 2008

  • Straight Guy: After this test I have an oral exam in Spanish.
  • Gay Guy: Oh, I had an oral this morning, too. It was good!

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and in a sexual way, wanna screw?

73 [+ / -]     Nov 07, 2008

  • (During a midnight Snelling run)
  • Gay guy: (to straight guy) In a completely nonsexual way, I'll eat your sausage.

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not to mention his bestiality thing

161 [+ / -]     Oct 27, 2008

  • Guy: God, he's so far in the closet he's blowing the goat-man in Narnia.

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and if you look out the window to your left, you'll catch a glimpse of the gays in their natural habitat

39 [+ / -]     Sep 14, 2008

  • (Train stops and people start exiting)
  • Drunk Girl: What? Where are we? Is this my stop?
  • Gay Guy: This is the Midtown exit.
  • Drunk Girl: It is? How do you know?
  • Gay Guy: See all the gays departing the train here? That's how you know it's the Midtown station.

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number 2, never learned to count

21 [+ / -]     Sep 06, 2008

  • Gay guy: Politicians underestimate the gay community. Number 1, we're the most educated. Number 1, we have... wait... no, number 2...

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take it from someone with more experience

51 [+ / -]     Sep 01, 2008

  • Freshman: I want to try everything at least once while I'm in college.
  • Older Kid Walking By: Gay!

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book, cover, judge

26 [+ / -]     Aug 24, 2008

  • Bartender: What the hell dude, you couldn't tell she was a lesbian?
  • Patron: I just thought she was stylish. Feminazi style.

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which, incidentally, is also his nickname

21 [+ / -]     Aug 10, 2008

  • White Guy: How do you pronounce your name? Is it Ty?
  • Asian Guy: No, it's Tee... as in teabagging.
  • White Guy: Oh. (pause) Wait! What?!
  • Asian Guy: Sorry, maybe I should have said sweet tea.

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he's now wishing he hadn't played that game of never have i ever

-38 [+ / -]     Jul 13, 2008

  • Girl: Well, she lost her virginity at, like, 23.
  • Guy: Damn, she beat me!
  • Girl: Yeah, but you lost your virginity to a guy.
  • Guy: What?!

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they're already working on the lifetime movie

-16 [+ / -]     Jun 06, 2008

  • Gay Man: Will somebody please just use a blunt object to beat the shit outta me?

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careful, you might put someone's eye out

19 [+ / -]     May 18, 2008

  • Gay Guy: I am so getting my gay on tonight!

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not the sort of thing most people would admit to

2 [+ / -]     May 17, 2008

  • Stoner 1: Hey, I wanna drag. Can I have a drag?
  • Stoner 2: Fine, just wrap your lips lightly around it when you suck.
  • Stoner 3: That's what he said.

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he might have spoken a little too soon

110 [+ / -]     May 14, 2008

  • Fratty 1: Dude, it was a guy!
  • Fratty 2: Naw, man you're full of shit!
  • Fratty 1: Dude, I'm telling you, it was a guy!
  • Fratty 2: Naw, naw. It wasn't a guy!
  • Fratty 1: Dude, I swear to fuckin' God, it was a guy.
  • Fratty 2: What the fuck do you know? You're full of shit!
  • Fratty 1: No, dude, I swear to God, you were making out with a guy! You can ask anybody there.
  • (Fratty 2 begins to vomit)
  • Fratty 1: Dude, don't worry about it. Nobody knows, and I'm not going to tell anybody.
  • Fratty 2: Dude, you're a good friend.

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if they touch, they might both disappear

52 [+ / -]     May 11, 2008

  • Sorostitute: So she was just like, "Hey, I'm just gonna warn you. I know you're a Republican and that guy is gay... so be careful."

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don't ask, don't tell, please don't take my class again

56 [+ / -]     May 09, 2008

  • Guy on cell: Yeah, I got a D in Chemistry.
  • (pause)
  • Guy on cell: It's totally awesome because I was failing... I mean, I had a 40 in the class but I totally flirted with the professor and he passed me!
  • (pause)
  • Guy on cell: Yeah, I wore really short soccer shorts and unbuttoned my shirt to show off my pecs.

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you have to draw the line somewhere

32 [+ / -]     May 01, 2008

  • (Atlanta Hawks are down 17 going into the 4th quarter)
  • Guy 1: Man, fuck a duck.
  • Guy 2: I don't want to fuck a duck.
  • Guy 3: I'd fuck a duck if it meant the Hawks would win.
  • (pause)
  • Guy 3: But only a chick duck, I'm not fucking a guy duck... that's just gay.

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it's never too late, you know

25 [+ / -]     Apr 21, 2008

  • Professor: Yeah. I was gay bait. The first time was when I was 15 in a locker room. Man, if I had been gay, my sex life would have been great.

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"...i'll have what he's having"

-15 [+ / -]     Apr 21, 2008

  • Gay Guy 1: (talking about food) That is going straight to your ass!
  • Gay Guy 2: Yeah, and I'm going to enjoy every minute of it!

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that's a whole different ball game

45 [+ / -]     Apr 19, 2008

  • Gay Guy: Yeah, my parents got me a Salt-n-Pepa album when I got my first CD player.
  • Guy: That explains so much.
  • Gay Guy: Well, they really should have known when they got me the Paula Abdul set and the Michael Jackson history. And they were surprised when their son didn't want to play baseball.

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they will never live that one down

80 [+ / -]     Apr 06, 2008

  • Girl: I thought you said that you weren't going to mess around with him anymore.
  • Gay Guy: Well...
  • Straight Guy: Let me guess... I can't quit you.
  • Gay Guy: I hate you all.

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oklahoma... where the winds blow free

64 [+ / -]     Apr 03, 2008

  • (Two guys walking down the sidewalk)
  • Guy 1: So what do you call a gay Asian? A gaysian?
  • Guy 2: I don't know, I think the gay people from Oklahoma are called Oklahomos.

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oh of course not, silly goose!

125 [+ / -]     Mar 31, 2008

  • Fratty 1: Dude, sorry I never called you back last night.
  • Fratty 2: It's okay, I just ended up watching a movie.
  • Fratty 1: You didn't watch Ratatouille yet, did you!?

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i coulda told you that without trying

107 [+ / -]     Feb 18, 2008

  • Gay guy: (Walking into the room) Just for the record, there is no good way to shave a scrotum.

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is this why they call it five guys?

-66 [+ / -]     Feb 01, 2008

  • Drunk gay guy: I love this place. I love it more than I love penis!
  • Drunk gay friend: Oh yeah!

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standing in front of the oven for eternity

-39 [+ / -]     Jan 27, 2008

  • Guy: The way I see it, this whole homosexuality thing is like virtues. People are given different virtues, like some people aren't very patient, so they have to work on that. Other guys don't naturally like girls, so they have to work on that too.
  • Girl: Oh. You know, I think heaven for me will be like the 1950s.

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if only straight guys could get away with this stuff

14 [+ / -]     Dec 21, 2007

  • Gay dude: Did you go to that cross-dresser dance the other night?
  • Waitress: No, I didn't.
  • Gay dude: You should have, you would look so good as a man. And take that as a compliment.

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the station wagon is the new tahoe

-18 [+ / -]     Dec 09, 2007

  • Fratty 1: I drive a damn station wagon. I feel like a soccer mom.
  • Fratty 2: Did you know that is the number one car driven by lesbians in the United States?
  • Fratty 1: You know what that says about me? It says I must be really butch! Sweet man, I love my car!

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not to mention they're too despondent to eat

60 [+ / -]     Dec 04, 2007

  • Girl: You know what's weird? You never see any fat emo boys.
  • Gay guy: That's because skinny girl jeans make their thighs look huge.

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i hear they're fond of cubans as well

-29 [+ / -]     Dec 04, 2007

  • Girl: I really hope we don't get the Orange Bowl.
  • Guy: Why?
  • Girl: 'Cause, like I hate Miami... they are only nice to you if you're Mexican or gay.

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the shaming possibilities are endless

182 [+ / -]     Nov 30, 2007

  • (Drunk guy stumbles into apartment in the middle of the night)
  • Guy 1: (in bed) Hey, man, this isn't your place.
  • Drunk guy: Huh?
  • Guy 1: Wherever you think you are, you're not.
  • Drunk guy: Yeah dude, I know. But I don't have anywhere to stay tonight, so can I like crash on your couch? I swear I won't touch any of your shit or break anything or take anything.
  • Guy 1: Well... ok.
  • Guy 2: (in the same bed) Man, when he wakes up, he's gonna be like, "Holy shit, I've stumbled on a nest of queers!"

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stuffing the turkey takes on a whole new meaning this year

125 [+ / -]     Nov 18, 2007

  • Ex-girlfriend: Can I still come to your house for Thanksgiving? What are you going to tell your parents?
  • Gay ex-boyfriend: "Mom, Dad, I'm gay and she's just here for the turkey."

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a few more drinks and it might not matter

100 [+ / -]     Oct 28, 2007

  • Drunk fratty 1: Dude check out that girls ass, I bet she's a good lay.
  • Drunk fratty 2: Damn dude, we should go hit on her.
  • Sorostitute: Um... that's a drag queen.

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how to succeed in business

113 [+ / -]     Oct 17, 2007

  • Gay dude on cell: If you don't feed me, fuck me, or finace me you are not going to tell me what to do.

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à la arnold schwarzenegger in "junior"

108 [+ / -]     Oct 15, 2007

  • (After a 40 yard run by Thomas Brown)
  • Guy 1: I want my girlfriend to have his kids.
  • Guy 2: You know if it was possible, I would have his kids.

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not that the two are mutually exclusive

65 [+ / -]     Oct 15, 2007

  • Guy 1: Did you see that guy with a tear drop tattoo?
  • Guy 2: Yeah, doesn't that mean he's gay?
  • Guy 1: No that means he killed someone!
  • Guy 2: Oh that is a big difference.

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it's a bit of a fine line

107 [+ / -]     Oct 11, 2007

  • Girl 1: Was she a dyke? She seemed a little dyke-y.
  • Girl 2: No, she was actually just from Tennessee.

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brokeback milledge

-60 [+ / -]     Sep 22, 2007

  • (Two frat guys are on their balcony talking about jerking each other off and looking for a third guy to "spice it up")
  • Fratty 1: I want him to be masculine, a guy's guy, into sports, etc.
  • Fratty 2: Yeah, if we wanted someone feminine, we'd date a chick... which is what both of us do.

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well, there are chicks here, but...

284 [+ / -]     Sep 22, 2007

  • Fratty on cell: Dude, can you pick me up? I'm at this bar called (pauses to look up at sign) Detour. And something's not quite right.

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don't all raise your hands at once

95 [+ / -]     Sep 18, 2007

  • Professor: In discussion of the prominance of seeing women's breasts on film... how many of you have seen a bunch of penises popping up?
  • (Silence)
  • Professor: Wow, talk about a bad freudian slip.

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yes indeed, everything you need for about 500 dollars

80 [+ / -]     Sep 07, 2007

  • Lowe's guy: Hey, if you only need that much lumber, I can get you my scraps over there...
  • (Lowe's guy walks away)
  • Asian guy: Should I tip him? I mean, he did give me wood.

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any port in a storm, i guess

-61 [+ / -]     Sep 03, 2007

  • Drunk guy: Woo!
  • Sorostitute: What?
  • Drunk guy: Some guy just sucked me off in the bathroom! Blowjobs! Yeah!
  • (Drunk guy raises his hand for high-five)
  • Sorostitute: Uh, you can keep that. Did you wash your hands?

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this just in: gay guys use even shittier lines than straight guys

50 [+ / -]     Aug 01, 2007

  • Gay guy (to Boyfriend): This is a friend of mine from high school, she's the first girl I met at school back then.
  • Girl: Hi!
  • (Boyfriend looks at her chest)
  • Boyfriend: Wow, If I could name your breasts, I'd name this one Alpha and that one Omega, and I'd find Jesus in between.

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nice save

89 [+ / -]     Jul 03, 2007

  • Drunk fratty 1: Damn, look at that ass on the dance floor.
  • Drunk fratty 2: Yeah man, he's got a real nice body.
  • Drunk fratty 1: Dude, I'm talking about the chick right there!
  • Drunk fratty 2: Oh. I already fucked her too.

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either way, it's still near the top of our list of things to never think about

91 [+ / -]     Jul 02, 2007

  • Gay guy: (at a crowded party) Excuse me... I'm all up in your shit.
  • Drunk straight guy: Does that take on a new meaning when you're gay?

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oh no he didn't!

251 [+ / -]     Jun 22, 2007

  • Professor: So some stereotypes of male kindergarten teachers would be "creepy," "child molester..."
  • Student: Gay!
  • Gay guy: "Gay?" Who said that? I'm about to throw my shoe!

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next you'll tell us women can drive

34 [+ / -]     Jun 16, 2007

  • Guy 1: Don't make me beat your ass!
  • Guy 2: Please don't try me like that, I may be gay but I'm strong.

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one means significantly less dates

-45 [+ / -]     Jun 14, 2007

  • (Two guys throwing a baseball)
  • Guy 1: I was thinking man, maybe we should switch to a softball.
  • Guy 2: What's the difference?

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oh tom, i just love the feel of your top 8

73 [+ / -]     May 31, 2007

  • Girl: So, I want to know why I am not number 1 on your MySpace.
  • Guy: Baby, Tom is number one. You know that guy is my freakin' idol.
  • Girl: Does Tom put out?
  • Guy: I would like to think so. I think about him when we have sex.

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seriously, in the pejorative.

-17 [+ / -]     May 31, 2007

  • Guy: (running towards bathroom) My ass is about to explode!
  • Passerby: Gay!

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when, not if

94 [+ / -]     May 21, 2007

  • Barista 1: So what do you think about that one guy from N*Sync coming out?
  • Barista 2: 1 down, 4 more to go.

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only a true friend

61 [+ / -]     May 19, 2007

  • Guy 1: Oww. I just got stung by a wasp. What do I do now?
  • Guy 2: You've got to piss on it.
  • Guy 3: (playing along) Yeah, man. You've got to piss on it.
  • Guy 1: But I can't piss on my own ear.
  • Guy 3: I'll do it.
  • Guy 1: Thanks.
  • (Pissing Sound)

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funniest way to come out, ever

52 [+ / -]     May 16, 2007

  • Guy 1: So I looked through that box of stuff your mom gave me to take back to give to you.
  • Guy 2: Why did you do that?
  • Guy 1: Why did she put an "Everything You Need to Know About Cushions" article and a "Herpes 101" pamphlet in a magazine for you?
  • Guy 2: (awkward silence)

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the litmus test

108 [+ / -]     May 15, 2007

  • Gay guy: I knew I was gay the first time I saw the volleyball scene in Top Gun.
  • Straight guy: (worried) So if you like that scene that means you're gay?

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latent homosexuality's early warnings

51 [+ / -]     May 12, 2007

  • Fratty: Forget boobs. I just want more beer.

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"...but i can't take the sober ones home!"

36 [+ / -]     May 11, 2007

  • Drunk fratty: Dude, have you talked to Brad lately?
  • Drunk metrosexual fratty: Dude, Brad doesn't drink, so I don't talk to Brad.

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by this logic, are there no gay frenchmen?

79 [+ / -]     May 06, 2007

  • Girl: The R's in French are like hocking a loogie.
  • Guy: I can't do that.
  • Girl: You mean you never hocked a loogie when you were growing up?
  • Guy: No, I'm gay.

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is that a 9 or are you just happy to see me?

85 [+ / -]     May 06, 2007

  • Girl: What kind of homo comes out of Compton?
  • Gay guy: A scared one.

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"but that's how we play it across the pond"

71 [+ / -]     Apr 25, 2007

  • (People are dividing into teams for beer pong)
  • British guy: How 'bout you and me, mate.
  • American guy: What the hell? Did you just ask me to mate with you?!

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'n sync is totally burning in hell

181 [+ / -]     Apr 23, 2007

  • (Directly after Nick Light's performance at Tate Plaza, the infamous Tate Preacher takes the space and starts his rants. Nick Light is behind him, gathering his equipment and listening)
  • Tate Preacher (shouting): And you boys who love men?! You are not going to reach the kingdom of heaven!
  • Nick Light: (jokingly) I like men...
  • Tate preacher: (looking back) You sure sang like you do.

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are we sure we're talking about muffins?

13 [+ / -]     Apr 22, 2007

  • (Guy 1 holds out a bag of muffins)
  • Guy 2: Eww, get that out of my face.
  • Guy 1: What, you were begging me for it a couple minutes ago.
  • Guy 2: Well that's because it looked really good when you were putting it in your mouth.

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there's no place like home, there's no place like home

88 [+ / -]     Apr 20, 2007

  • Guy 1: Dude, why are you wearing pink princess slippers??
  • Guy 2: My feet were cold.

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maybe he just likes the gay fake sugar

15 [+ / -]     Apr 10, 2007

  • (Boyfriend pours pink-packeted sugar into his coffee)
  • Girlfriend: You should use Splenda, it's healthier for you.
  • Boyfriend: No thanks. I like the real fake sugar.

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she won't have to worry about teenage pregnancy

66 [+ / -]     Apr 07, 2007

  • Sorostitute: (to parents) And if I have a boy, I want him to be gay.

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no, but i did stay at a holiday inn last night

98 [+ / -]     Apr 06, 2007

  • Bouncer: Can I see your ID?
  • Gay boy: Of course. Here.
  • Bouncer: Dude, you're not Asian.

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isn't he curious how she knows that?

54 [+ / -]     Apr 06, 2007

  • Chick 1: The Detour has lube wrestling on Wednesdays.
  • Chick 2: That is so gross, you can't get lube out of your hair.
  • Guy: I just want a nice bar that serves Guinness.

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he has a crack addiction, of course

-49 [+ / -]     Mar 03, 2007

  • Fratty 1: Dude, are you wearing boxers cause I can see your crack.
  • Fratty 2: Um... No, but why the hell are you staring at my ass?

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there's no second base on base

118 [+ / -]     Feb 28, 2007