Brand New:
Overseen in Athens


For years you've been watching your tongue so that what you say doesn't end up here. Now, you'll have to watch how you look. You never know who has a camera.

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Quotes Filed Under "Greek Life"


is it cock blocking if he never stood a chance?

109 [+ / -]     Apr 08, 2009

  • (After a drunk guy tries to grab a girl, her friend steps in)
  • Drunk Guy: You're cock blocking!
  • Girl's Friend: You're ugly!

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let's get fiscal

152 [+ / -]     Dec 11, 2008

  • Sorostitute 1: I'm not really motivated to work out anymore.
  • Sorostitute 2: You need some motivation? Daddy says that there is a direct relationship between how skinny you are and how much money your husband makes. I totally bet you can do at least two hundred more crunches now!

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the only thing more politically charged than this election is the tri-delt house

68 [+ / -]     Oct 29, 2008

  • Girl: That's weird that we're going to have a new president in a week.
  • Sorostitute: I know! I wonder who's running? Will she be younger, I guess? Our sorority needs a new president.
  • Girl: Um, I mean of the United States.

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she's counting herself twice, which leaves two people

60 [+ / -]     Oct 03, 2008

  • Sorostitute 1: You have way too many guys. How many people are in love with you?
  • Sorostitute 2: Including me? Four.

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everyone loves a cougar

7 [+ / -]     Sep 28, 2008

  • Sorostitute 1: Sometimes our house mother comes to the socials.
  • Sorostitute 2: Really? Ohmigod, old people are gross.

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"...i hold it sideways so it smiles at me"

106 [+ / -]     Sep 18, 2008

  • Fratty: (looking at a paper he just got back) So, everyone else got a number grade on their papers, mine just has a backwards C on it with a line.
  • Girl: Um, that's actually a D.
  • Fratty: (genuinely happy) Oh... solid!

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so in other words, just like a normal friday night

19 [+ / -]     Sep 17, 2008

  • Freshman Dude 1: Ok, so what exactly is hazing?
  • Freshman Dude 2: Well, basically it's when they strip you down naked in the middle of downtown.

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oh, that one!

77 [+ / -]     Sep 04, 2008

  • Girl on cell: Yeah, we're right by the frat house... the one with the white columns.

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that is definitely on the list of warning signs

66 [+ / -]     Sep 03, 2008

  • Girl: Ugh, I couldn't sleep at all last night. I think it's because I was sober.

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there may be better options for getting your abdominal workout

59 [+ / -]     Aug 26, 2008

  • Sorostitute on cell: Yeah, we took a bunch of pledges out last night. They were throwing up in the frat house, they were throwing up on the floor, they were throwing up on the elevator...
  • (pauses)
  • Sorostitute: Yeah, it was really fun.

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after which he can finally earn his closet homosexuality merit badge

-51 [+ / -]     Jul 09, 2008

  • (A gaggle of ballcaps is walking by Trappeze)
  • Ballcap: My goal is for, by the end of pledge-ship, that every pledge see my entire cock and balls.

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we're guessing that isn't saying much

73 [+ / -]     Jun 16, 2008

  • Sorostitute: I mean, my date was a little too smart for me. He wore glasses.

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there might be a good reason for the memory loss

54 [+ / -]     Jun 13, 2008

  • Sorostitute: Me and Kim were talking and we're both tired of you blacking out and getting thrown out of the bar.
  • Fratty: Please! I can't remember the last time I got thrown out of a bar.

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royalty works a bit differently in the south

65 [+ / -]     Jun 04, 2008

  • Drunk Sorostitute: So where are you from?
  • Drunk Guy 1: Oh, I'm the Prince of Dubai.
  • Drunk Sorostitute: Oh, what about you? Where are you from?
  • Drunk guy 2: Texas.
  • Drunk Sorostitute: No way! You're from texas?! How exciting! Me too!

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it's always more fun when it's a surprise

83 [+ / -]     May 27, 2008

  • Drunk Sorostitute: Dixeland Sweet Tea, please!
  • Bartender: 5 dollars.
  • Drunk Sorostitute: What's in it?
  • Bartender: We're not supposed to tell.
  • Drunk Sorostitute: It's ok, I won't remember tomorrow, I was just wondering how fucked up I'm going to be.

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maybe you should aim a little higher

50 [+ / -]     May 20, 2008

  • Sorostitute: Formal is going to be so much fun. It is like, my dream to have my whole sorority come to my hometown and get shitfaced.

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"...and we're not gonna get sweaty, are we?"

82 [+ / -]     May 16, 2008

  • (At an intramural softball game)
  • Umpire: Okay, ladies, all jewelry needs to be removed.
  • Sorostitute: Um, does that include pearls?

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did you cover that in women's studies?

17 [+ / -]     May 16, 2008

  • Sorostitute 1:She needs to just admit that she's a slut.
  • Sorostitute 2: I know. I've woken up in strange guys beds with serious bruises and I've never cried rape.

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some people like to do it at denny's, apparently

22 [+ / -]     May 15, 2008

  • Sorostitute 1: I have your dress, I washed it.
  • Sorostitute 2: Why did you wash it? Are there jizz stains on it?
  • Sorostitute 1: No! I just washed it so it would be clean.
  • Sorostitute 2: Whatever. If I find white crusties on my dress, I'll know it was you.
  • Sorostitute 1: If you find white crusties on your dress, I'm 99 percent positive it's ranch.

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he might have spoken a little too soon

110 [+ / -]     May 14, 2008

  • Fratty 1: Dude, it was a guy!
  • Fratty 2: Naw, man you're full of shit!
  • Fratty 1: Dude, I'm telling you, it was a guy!
  • Fratty 2: Naw, naw. It wasn't a guy!
  • Fratty 1: Dude, I swear to fuckin' God, it was a guy.
  • Fratty 2: What the fuck do you know? You're full of shit!
  • Fratty 1: No, dude, I swear to God, you were making out with a guy! You can ask anybody there.
  • (Fratty 2 begins to vomit)
  • Fratty 1: Dude, don't worry about it. Nobody knows, and I'm not going to tell anybody.
  • Fratty 2: Dude, you're a good friend.

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uga transit's been meaning to relabel those things for years

49 [+ / -]     May 12, 2008

  • Sorostitute 1: Crap! This bus is going the wrong way!
  • (She pulls the stop cord)
  • Sorostitute 2: This bus always goes this way!
  • Sorostitute 1: Why isn't the bus stopping? I pulled the cord!
  • Sorostitute 2: I don't think that's what it's for, but it does seem to piss the drivers off.

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the scary thing is it's plural

61 [+ / -]     May 09, 2008

  • Fratty: (to girl) Well, it was good to see you again. Good luck with your STDs.

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a veritable jolly rancher

62 [+ / -]     May 09, 2008

  • Drunk Sorostitute: (to bartender) I want something cheap, but bursting with flavor.
  • Annoyed woman next to her: I bet your ass is cheap but bursting with flavor.

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but look how well it's holding up that broken table leg

-10 [+ / -]     Apr 29, 2008

  • Sorostitute: This is a really good book, I think I'm going to keep it.
  • Fratty: Did you read any of it?
  • Sorostitute: No.

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but look how well it's holding up that broken table leg

-10 [+ / -]     Apr 29, 2008

  • Sorostitute: This is a really good book, I think I'm going to keep it.
  • Fratty: Did you read any of it?
  • Sorostitute: No.

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no need for a caption here... bike cop did it for us

183 [+ / -]     Apr 29, 2008

  • Sorostitute: Officer, that bouncer won't give me my fake ID back!
  • Bike Cop: Really? Well, can I have your real ID?
  • (She hands it over)
  • Bike Cop: Sit on the curb right here. HOPE scholarship? I gotta stop playing the lottery.

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in a galaxy far far away, fratties invade geekdom

-23 [+ / -]     Apr 28, 2008

  • Fratty 1: (answers cell phone) Hey Obi-Wan!
  • Fratty 2: Isn't that a Star Wars reference?
  • Fratty 3: Yeah, it is.
  • Fratty 2: Wow! He's ballin'!

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college is about learning to cope

84 [+ / -]     Apr 27, 2008

  • Fratty: I black out every time I drink, I've decided it's just part of drinking now.
  • Sorostitute: Um, that's not normal!
  • Fratty: I'm okay with it, lets take a shot.

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college is about learning to cope

84 [+ / -]     Apr 27, 2008

  • Fratty: I black out every time I drink, I've decided it's just part of drinking now.
  • Sorostitute: Um, that's not normal!
  • Fratty: I'm okay with it, lets take a shot.

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beer and wine are on aisle 3

53 [+ / -]     Apr 24, 2008

  • (At the Kroger deli)
  • Sorostitute 1: You know what would make this shopping trip more fun?
  • Sorostitute 2: Being drunk?
  • Sorostitute 1: Yeah, probably.

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why don't we go out and celebrate the accomplishment?

37 [+ / -]     Apr 23, 2008

  • Sorostitute 1: Yeah, you do go out a lot.
  • Sorostitute 2: Hey, I haven't been out all week!
  • Sorostitute 1: Umm, it's Tuesday.

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introducing the new dumbass diet

-59 [+ / -]     Apr 22, 2008

  • Sorostitute: Yeah, I want to get the Bacon Cheese Burger. But I don't want, like, the lettuce and tomato and mayo and stuff.
  • Waitress: So, just the meat and the cheese?
  • Sorostitute: Yeah, and bacon.

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isn't there a country song about this?

93 [+ / -]     Apr 18, 2008

  • (Waiting in line to get in the club)
  • Sorostitute 1: I love low rise jeans, like when I dance, all the guys see my thong. It's like a magnet.
  • Sorostitute 2: Um yeah, I've noticed. Pull your shirt over, you can see your bra strap.
  • Sorostitute 1: Oh my god! I knew I shouldn't have worn this shirt. Like, showing your bra is the tackiest thing. Let's go, I need to change.

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next week on "to catch a predator..."

16 [+ / -]     Apr 15, 2008

  • Sorostitute 1: Okay, so you don't think he is cute at all?
  • Sorostitute 2: No, not at all. He looks like a little boy.
  • Sorostitute 1: Yeah, I like that!

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good thing you can just buy new ones

38 [+ / -]     Apr 15, 2008

  • Sorostitute 1: They swore me to secrecy, but since they're not my friends anymore I'm telling everyone.
  • Sorostitute 2: Yeah, fuck them.

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or perhaps your brain leaking out

-19 [+ / -]     Apr 14, 2008

  • Sorostitute: (cleaning ear) Oh my god, I thought I was having, like, fucked up ear wax. But then I realized it was just spray tan.

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but does it have a full qwerty keyboard?

52 [+ / -]     Apr 14, 2008

  • Fratty: I'm so pissed. I just talked to my mom. My dumbass sister had a V3 Razr for six months, loses it on a trip to DC, and my parents by her a new Blackberry. I told them that I want a new phone, too.
  • Girl: Dude, you drive a Lexus.

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a real man would suck it up and complete the cycle

14 [+ / -]     Apr 13, 2008

  • Sorostitute 1: And then i told Gary that if even if we slept together he would still be my rebound guy. But he said he didnt even want to hook up with me anyways.
  • Sorostitute 2: Wait, why?
  • Sorostitute 1: He said it's because i've slept with three fourths of the house already and I just told him that was none of his business. And I mean, even if it was true...
  • Sorostitute 3: Which it is...
  • Sorostitute 1: Whatever. He shouldn't care. It's not a bad thing, is it?

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who ever said doing chores was no fun?

135 [+ / -]     Apr 10, 2008

  • Girl: What are you doing Friday night?
  • Sorostitute: I'm having sex.
  • Girl: With who?
  • Sorostitute: I'm not sure. I'm down to three choices.
  • Girl: Oh, like a to-do list.

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when a mommy cow and a daddy cow love each other very much...

89 [+ / -]     Apr 09, 2008

  • Sorostitute: Where do cows come from?
  • (Her date stares blankly)
  • Sorostitute: I mean, I know they come from the mommy cow, duh, but you know how a horse and a donkey make a mule... where do cows come from?

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daddy knows best

153 [+ / -]     Apr 09, 2008

  • Sorostitute 1: (picking up newspaper) Don't all of these sexual harassment articles make you want to sleep with a professor?
  • Sorostitute 2: Well, my dad made me promise not to last time I was at home.

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the classic "more money than brain cells" phenomenon

74 [+ / -]     Apr 09, 2008

  • Sorostitute 1: I don't know if I want to donate to HERO percentage night or Greek Week percentage night. Where does the Greek Week money go to?
  • Sorostitute 2: Habitat For Humanity.
  • Sorostitute 1: Oh, ok, well I like animals so I'll donate to Habitat For Humanity.

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