Brand New:
Overseen in Athens


For years you've been watching your tongue so that what you say doesn't end up here. Now, you'll have to watch how you look. You never know who has a camera.

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Quotes Filed Under "In class"


however, the subtext is also in french

9 [+ / -]     Mar 05, 2010

  • (Talking about a foreign film)
  • Professor: Well, I guess you had to read the subtext.
  • Girl: I read the subtext.
  • Professor: The subtext, not the subtitles.

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thirsty thursday strikes again

94 [+ / -]     Mar 03, 2010

  • (On a Friday morning)
  • Grad Assistant: You guys look like shit. Okay, show of hands, how many of you guys are still drunk from last night?
  • (Every single person in room raises their hand)
  • Grad Assistant: Okay, now show of hands, how many of you did I hit on last night?
  • (Four girls and one guy raise their hand)
  • Grad Assistant: Eh, I've done worse.

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double science fail

44 [+ / -]     Mar 02, 2010

  • Professor: Can anyone name a mammal that needs to hold its breath for a long time?
  • Student 1: A frog?
  • Professor: Um, no. Definitely not a frog.
  • Student 2: A manatee?
  • Professor: What's a manatee?

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so, what's the downside?

-8 [+ / -]     Feb 26, 2010

  • Professor: Share a line, and the next thing you know, you're sharing bodily fluids.

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you just can't trust someone with that many freckles

37 [+ / -]     Feb 25, 2010

  • Spanish Teacher: Do you guys think there is discrimination in the US? If so, what groups?
  • Student 1: Hispanics.
  • Student 2: Women.
  • Student 3: African Americans.
  • Ginger Student: Red-heads!

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turns out it forms a bad mental image

23 [+ / -]     Feb 24, 2010

  • Sorostitute: Wait, what kind of image does this lens form?
  • Fratty: I think it's an erect image.
  • Sorostitute: No, it's the opposite. What's the opposite of erect?
  • Fratty: Flaccid?

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at least that explains the dandruff

-22 [+ / -]     Feb 22, 2010

  • Guy: Is that lice?
  • Dreadlock Girl: No, I have really bad dandruff. We hang out all the time, don't you think you'd get lice if I had them?
  • Guy: Our hang out time isn't that intimate.
  • Dreadlock Girl: It doesn't have to be, lice can jump just like fleas. And they would jump on you because they like clean hair better and I haven't showered since Sunday.

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though you can't blame them for being suspicious

86 [+ / -]     Feb 19, 2010

  • (In a test review session)
  • Professor: Does anybody have any questions?
  • (Waits for hands)
  • Professor: Come on, I'm here to help you. We want you to do well on the test.. . we're not the chemistry department.

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can i take that coin with me downtown this weekend?

59 [+ / -]     Feb 18, 2010

  • Middle-Eastern TA: Coin have two side. So if I flip coin, there is a fifty percent chance that I will get head.

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also, please stop touching my penis

-16 [+ / -]     Feb 15, 2010

  • Septuagenarian Professor: Get your dirty Swiss hands off my corn cob!

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when i think about you i $touch myself

11 [+ / -]     Feb 03, 2010

  • Professor: So, can someone tell me what the command prompt 'finger' means in UNIX?
  • (pause, followed by student laughter)
  • Professor: Come on people, not inappropriately. Maturity.

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i want to punch that paper clip almost as much as dwight

28 [+ / -]     Feb 03, 2010

  • Girl: You're a fan of The Office? That's so cool!
  • Confused Professor: You mean Microsoft Office?

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i can't wait to get old

15 [+ / -]     Jan 30, 2010

  • Teacher: There is a higher rate of STDs in retirement communities. The average ratio of women to men is 7 to 1. I mean, come on, are you going to care if you wear a condom when you're 70?

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obviously someone has never read the two towers

25 [+ / -]     Jan 16, 2010

  • (In Marine Biology class)
  • Professor: Can anyone name an animal that can't move?
  • Student: A tree!

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also, wrong wallace

29 [+ / -]     Jan 13, 2010

  • (In US History Post 1865)
  • Professor: Can anyone tell me who George Wallace is?
  • Sorostitute: He's that character from Braveheart!
  • Professor: No, sorry, not in this class.

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don't forget about all the free condoms

15 [+ / -]     Jan 05, 2010

  • Professor: Apparently, all you guys do is make-out and get wasted all the time because you're college students. Which is why the university puts hand sanitizer everywhere and obsessively cleans.

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it means we prefer to touch ourselves

26 [+ / -]     Dec 11, 2009

  • Professor: We're a very puritanical society. We don't like to be touched by other people. But we watch more porn than the rest of the countries of the world combined, so what does that say about us?

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what i meant to say is that i would totally fuck him

21 [+ / -]     Dec 10, 2009

  • Teacher: I'm a member of the Kevin Smith cult-fan club. I would absolutely drink his Kool Aid.
  • (awkward pause)
  • Teacher: That... came out wrong.

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one test they won't need to study for

31 [+ / -]     Dec 07, 2009

  • Professor: So, let's ask a really simple question. What's the difference between masturbating and having sex?
  • Student: Nothing is created out of masturbation.
  • Professor: Right, nothing comes of masturbation. Well, something comes.

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show and tell day didn't go as well as dr jones had hoped

16 [+ / -]     Dec 03, 2009

  • Professor: While we're talking about vaginas...

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that one was easy! i hope it's on the final!

47 [+ / -]     Nov 18, 2009

  • Professor: What would happen if you picked up a fresh cow patty?
  • Girl: You'd get shit on your hands?

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does it matter?

-2 [+ / -]     Nov 13, 2009

  • Male Professor: So, who stayed in town this weekend? Did anyone go downtown?
  • Student: I was downtown!
  • Male Professor: Sweet.
  • Student: Were you downtown wearing a dress?
  • Male Professor: What color?

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think before you sprechen

97 [+ / -]     Oct 21, 2009

  • Girl: Why would anyone want to major in German? No one speaks that! I mean, who speaks German?
  • Guy: (shouting from across the lecture hall): I do, so fuck you!

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sir, i think you've had enough chalk. do you have a ride home?

33 [+ / -]     Oct 20, 2009

  • Professor 1: (busts into classroom) Hey, can I get some chalk? My fingers are bleeding.
  • Professor 2: I don't even know how to respond to that.

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snoop dogg had a brief stint as a cartographer

29 [+ / -]     Oct 19, 2009

  • Professor: Do any of you know what this symbol means on a sea level pressure and wind map?
  • Student: Uh, rain? Drizzle?
  • Professor: Drizzle fo' shizzle!

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the new sex-ed program is off to a slow start

9 [+ / -]     Oct 18, 2009

  • Professor: So yeah, the continuum is better than saying "There are seven places. Where do you want to stick it?"
  • (Class chuckles)
  • Professor: Okay, um, anyway...

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solving that problem costs 320 mana

18 [+ / -]     Oct 15, 2009

  • (Professor writes a proof on the board)
  • Professor: So what do we do now?
  • Student: Say that it's true because of the principle we were trying to prove?
  • Professor: Yes. It's time for the invocation part. By the power of Grayskull, we win. Or, by the principle of mathematical induction. Whatever.

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and some damn paperclip keeps trying to help me pick standard or scientific

30 [+ / -]     Oct 12, 2009

  • Computer Science Professor: I imagine you all have good calculators that can do that with the push of a button. The only calculator I have was one left in a classroom by a student five years ago.
  • Student: You sound bitter about that fact.
  • Computer Science Professor: It ran out of batteries. I have to use the calculator that comes with Windows.

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those zany academics

24 [+ / -]     Oct 06, 2009

  • Professor: I was at this one party where this guy tried to murder me. That was kinda embarrassing. He thought I owned the house and tried to throw me over a balcony. He apologized by polishing the silver. Anyway...

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wouldn't that make it a penticorn?

59 [+ / -]     Oct 06, 2009

  • Professor: Tell me something that's imaginary.
  • Student 1: Um, a unicorn with five horns.
  • Student 2: How about a unicorn with one horn?

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welcome to the lamar dodd school of hard knocks

35 [+ / -]     Oct 01, 2009

  • Instructor: (talking about an architect) So in conclusion, his greatest strength ended up also being his greatest weakness. A good lesson for each of you to learn.
  • (Pause)
  • Instructor: What I'm saying is, that's true in relationships, too. What attracts you to a person can also, er, drive you away.
  • (Awkward silence)
  • Instructor: That's just a little tidbit from me, folks. Not on your study guide. That one's free.
  • Sorostitute: Will it be on the midterm?

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word has it that they really suck

17 [+ / -]     Sep 29, 2009

  • Teacher: I think it's Abercrombie and Fitch who has the most overpaid CEO.
  • Girl: Yeah, I have it here. It's Abercrombie.
  • Teacher: What's second?
  • Girl: (reading) Uh, BJ Services.
  • Teacher: There you go, BJ Services!
  • (auditorium cracks up)
  • Teacher: I suppose I deserved that.

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what if a plant has nuts?

-16 [+ / -]     Sep 14, 2009

  • Professor: So if this plant has berries, is it male or female?
  • Student: Female!
  • Professor: Right! Boys don't have berries.

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one thing that will never get outsourced to china

35 [+ / -]     Sep 09, 2009

  • Professor: Some things are still produced at home. Kids, for example.

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and they know sexy. after all, they did invent the toga.

-1 [+ / -]     Sep 05, 2009

  • Professor: And so the Greeks figured if we combine these two elements, we've got ourselves a pretty sexy column!

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it's easy to do well when your standards are low

15 [+ / -]     Sep 04, 2009

  • (Walking out of a classroom)
  • Guy 1: How did you do on that last quiz?
  • Guy 2: Much better than the first quiz. I got a 40.
  • Guy 1: Yeah, that's not bad.

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extreme makeover: uga edition

49 [+ / -]     Aug 31, 2009

  • TA: And as you can see, Ty Pennington is in this ad.
  • Girl: He went to my high school!
  • TA: He's a douche bag.

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a winning philosophy

-49 [+ / -]     Aug 28, 2009

  • (Walking out of philosophy class)
  • Sorostitute: Ohmigod! We are like, Greek, and Aristotle and Plato are like, Greek!
  • Fratty: Haha, yeah they were!
  • Sorostitute: So that means we are like the same! Haha, cool, philosophy makes so much more sense now!
  • Fratty: See, the Greeks always win.

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not too loud... that's like saying "bomb" on an airplane

-47 [+ / -]     Aug 26, 2009

  • (Exiting SLC 102 as everyone is rushing for the door)
  • Guy: If there is ever a fire in here, we are screwed!
  • Girl: But how would a fire get started in here?
  • Guy: An arsonist?

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intelligence should count in there somewhere

62 [+ / -]     Aug 24, 2009

  • Professor: What defines quality of life? Happiness? Health? Money? Lack of acquired disease?
  • Sorostitute: Um, everyone knows that you can't acquire diseases, you are born with them.
  • Professor: Moving on now. Quality of life, anyone?

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it's always sunny in san andreas

20 [+ / -]     Jul 23, 2009

  • Professor: (walking into class without an umbrella on a rainy day) Ugh! I checked the weather last night, and it said today would be sunny. That's the last time I get my weather forecast from a video game system.

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sam adams the study buddy

3 [+ / -]     May 13, 2009

  • Fratty 1: Dude, are you ready for the final? I'm nervous.
  • Fratty 2: Not me. I had a beer to calm the nerves.
  • Fratty 1: You had a beer?
  • Fratty 2: Yeah, a beer or two. I got to pee.

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i'll be absent for that, thank you

55 [+ / -]     Apr 30, 2009

  • (Professor's contact falls out)
  • Professor: Crap, I'll have to be blind for the rest of class. Let me increase my nuts.
  • (The class stares)
  • Professor: Notes, I mean notes.

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and for my next trick...

-12 [+ / -]     Apr 21, 2009

  • TA: So when I turn around, my ass is going be wet.
  • (Class stares for ten seconds)
  • TA: It's not what you think.

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everything i need to know about life i learned at hogwarts

72 [+ / -]     Apr 18, 2009

  • Professor: So what do we know about unicorns? What is it that they stand for?
  • Guy 1: They're uncatchable.
  • Girl 1: They're, like, really pure. So, like, purity.
  • Guy 2: Immortality.
  • Guy 3: In Harry Potter you're not supposed to kill them.

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two birds, one stone

161 [+ / -]     Apr 15, 2009

  • Professor: If you two don't stop that, I'll have to separate you.
  • Student: She's sharing my book with me.
  • Professor: Oh... I thought you were just touching her to make yourself happy.

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if you can't beat 'em, mug 'em

284 [+ / -]     Apr 09, 2009

  • (The door opens at the bottom of a classroom in the middle of a lecture)
  • Voice: I'm going to shit on your face, Brittany G!
  • (Professor looks out door then runs out, chasing after the intruder for two minutes and comes back)
  • Student: What happened?
  • Professor: (puts a wallet on the podium) I took his wallet.
  • (Professor continues on with lecture like nothing happened)

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oh cum all ye faithful

-2 [+ / -]     Apr 06, 2009

  • Professor: What if God made your entire 80 year life like one extended orgasm? Wouldn't that just be awesome? I think it would. Orgasms are awesome.

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he's rocking his own stimulus package

141 [+ / -]     Mar 27, 2009

  • (Economics class is talking about California's plan to legalize marijuana for tax profits)
  • Professor: The government could get away with slapping a huge tax on pot because people would be willing to pay it. It's already expensive enough trying to sneak around and buy pot illegally.
  • (class is silent for 15-20 seconds)
  • Professor: I would assume.

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a math lesson that won't be on the final

130 [+ / -]     Mar 22, 2009

  • Professor: Way way back I was teaching an intro class, and I get this Christmas card from a student that says, "Hope I get an A!" and has five hundred dollars in it. I tell the dean of students and he tells me to handle it on my own. So I get the student in my office, we talk about it, I give him back the three hundred dollars and that was that.

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unless of course they're heroin muffins

136 [+ / -]     Mar 16, 2009

  • Professor: Really the only thing that grows in Afghanistan is poppies. And there are only three things you can do with poppies - make poppy seed bagels, poppy seed muffins, and make heroin. And you aren't going to make a lot of money from the muffins.

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he meant top-money, not your favorite

-43 [+ / -]     Mar 15, 2009

  • Economics Teacher: What's the top import in the United States?
  • Guy 1: Oil!
  • Girl: Cars!
  • Guy 2: Marijuana!

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well, i did it on my own time and wasn't paid, but i swear it was a job

14 [+ / -]     Mar 14, 2009

  • Professor: So I had this job removing eyes from dead people... it was creepy as shit. That whole, "the eyes are the window to the soul" thing, yeah it messes you up. What if someone's soul just popped out while I was cutting the muscles around the eye?

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eating disorder? what eating disorder?

74 [+ / -]     Feb 25, 2009

  • Tennis Instructor: Do any of you know why it's important have a low BMI?
  • Student: Because it means you're healthier.
  • Tennis Instructor: Well yes... but more importantly, you look better naked.

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too much information

57 [+ / -]     Feb 24, 2009

  • Professor: Why do we do what people tell us to do?
  • Student: Submission is hot.

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no, we only accept anonymous forum posts and wikipedia

20 [+ / -]     Feb 24, 2009

  • Girl: If we find an article in a library, does it count as a scholarly source?

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its sad when even professors think thursday is the weekend

83 [+ / -]     Feb 18, 2009

  • Professor: It's referring to how the different organs in your body perform different functions. Your heart pumps blood and your liver helps you recover from Thursday night.

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that way he won't have to get her anything next year

186 [+ / -]     Feb 17, 2009

  • Teacher: Did anyone get anything good for Valentine's Day?
  • Guy: My girlfriend got me Breathe Right strips. I was like, what is this supposed to mean? I think I'm going to get her some jogging shoes.
  • (Silence)
  • Teacher: I would suggest you don't do that.

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hearing voices doesn't necessarily make you nuts

67 [+ / -]     Feb 17, 2009

  • Religion Professor: I spend most of my time in the ancient world. I don't have TV or Internet. If you need to get in contact with me, meditate and speak with me and we can talk. I also am a compulsive liar because I like telling exciting stories about religion.

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now the trick is to stop thinking about them

69 [+ / -]     Feb 12, 2009

  • Professor: Are intellectual pleasures more satisfying than bodily pleasures? Okay, everyone think of your favorite bodily pleasure.
  • (class laughs)
  • Professor: Oh, I know what all of you are thinking.

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billmurraphobia: a fear of insignificant holidays

48 [+ / -]     Feb 04, 2009

  • Italian Teacher: Can someone please explain to me what Groundhog Day is?
  • Sorostitute: It's like all these paparazzi are around this groundhog and everyone makes a big deal about it, and the mayor of the town shows up, and it's supposed to say how cold it's going to be. It's just an excuse for Boondock, Pennsylvania to feel important.

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oh crap... i hear banjos!

165 [+ / -]     Feb 03, 2009

  • Professor: Last wednesday we discussed what a good argument would be for believing that Obama will succeed in office, today it will be the opposite.
  • (Professor waits for hands to go up)
  • Redneck: (eventually raising his hand) Well... he is black.
  • (The entire class looks at him)
  • Redneck: I'm only kidding, for Christ's sake, I was gonna vote for him if he wasn't a liberal... and a Muslim communist extremist.

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or maybe they were too busy getting a decent education

81 [+ / -]     Jan 27, 2009

  • Professor: So does anyone know why Rhode Island didn't send delegates to the convention?
  • Female Student: Because they were really little?
  • Fratty: Because they were an island. They didn't have cars.

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turns out it's death by non sequitur

21 [+ / -]     Jan 16, 2009

  • Fratty 1: That projector doesn't look safe. I wouldn't sit under it.
  • Fratty 2: Oh, I'm not. When I'm in a room I go ahead and look around to figure out all the ways the Final Destination movie would try to kill me.
  • Fratty 1: Oh... so did you get with that chick last night?

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che frattastica!

117 [+ / -]     Jan 10, 2009

  • Teacher: (in Italian) What are some of the physical attributes of an average UGA student?
  • (Students offer suggestions)
  • Teacher: (in Italian) Short hair, blond hair, medium height, sportive. What else?
  • Student: How do you say North Face in Italian?

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#24   now, back to our discussion about the size of uranus...

548 [+ / -]     Dec 24, 2008

  • Student: So where does Europium come from?
  • Chemistry Teacher: (slowly) I don't have any opium...

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he's the oprah of rocks

215 [+ / -]     Dec 18, 2008

  • (First day of Honors Geology, after a student has just answered a question about plate tectonics)
  • Professor: That's correct. What's your previous experience with Earth Science?
  • Student: Bill Nye, sir.
  • Professor: What?
  • Student: You know, the Science Guy.

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a luxury he never had when he was young

29 [+ / -]     Dec 11, 2008

  • Professor: They are actually starting to make brain games that make kids more smarter.

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the world must be peopled

145 [+ / -]     Dec 11, 2008

  • Biology Teacher: This is what we call selective mating, how many of us mate with anyone we bump into?
  • (Pause)
  • Biology Teacher: Other than Friday and Saturday nights?

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that's the last time i sign up for a class with dr. dre

14 [+ / -]     Dec 08, 2008

  • (Professor is taking about a quiz application on Facebook)
  • Professor: Some of you will find that you might be higher than how high you think you are.
  • (laughter)
  • Professor: I meant the results on the quiz!

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and he had a tossed salad for lunch

66 [+ / -]     Dec 05, 2008

  • Professor: Asian-Americans were usually depicted in this way due to the taint of their reputations in World War II. Yes, I said taint. It used to mean something else.

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he was really magic

94 [+ / -]     Dec 05, 2008

  • History TA: Now, does anybody remember anything about AIDS from when you were a child?
  • Girl 1: Yeah, there was that one basketball player that had it. I think his name was LA Lakers or something.
  • Girl 2: Yeah, I remember that.

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what does he do to people he hates?

-11 [+ / -]     Dec 03, 2008

  • Teacher: (discussing harsh grading on papers) If I crap on you, it's because I love you.
  • Student: Yeah, I crap on the people I love too.

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plus, babies just taste gross

37 [+ / -]     Dec 02, 2008

  • (During a class discussion of Jonathan Swift's A Modest Proposal)
  • Sorostitute: I think his ideas are offensive, personally. This is, like, kind of sick. It's practically advocating abortions.
  • Professor: It's a satire.
  • Sorostitute: Still, the overall message is pretty terrible.

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that class trip to mexicali wasn't as helpful as the teacher hoped

79 [+ / -]     Dec 01, 2008

  • Girl: How do you say...
  • Teacher: Ah ah ah... en español!
  • Girl: Oh right, sorry. Cómo se dice "taco" en español?

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at least she's willing to share

73 [+ / -]     Nov 28, 2008

  • Girl 1: Ohmigod, he totally felt me up!
  • Girl 2: Shut up, when?
  • Girl 1: Yesterday. We were taking a picture together and he grabbed my ass. I was like, yeah! Finally, Lucas!
  • Girl 2: Did anything else happen!?
  • GIrl 1: Well, I kind of think he felt up Julia later on, but I don't even care!
  • Girl 2: Yeah, seriously!

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we'd recommend a laxative for that

103 [+ / -]     Nov 21, 2008

  • Student: A faculty bathroom? What's that supposed to mean?
  • Religion teacher: It means I can poop there and you can't.

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actually, it's where he learned to speak english

72 [+ / -]     Nov 19, 2008

  • Professor: So what makes Israel so important to the Jewish people?
  • Student: That's where Jesus grew up.
  • Professor: Well, not exactly... but, okay.

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aren't they doing background checks yet?

146 [+ / -]     Nov 05, 2008

  • Professor (to a student who is texting): Show me what's between your legs!

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still rubbing it in, over 200 years later

129 [+ / -]     Nov 04, 2008

  • British Professor: Many different dates are attributed as the end of the Middle English Period. 1775 is the year Johnson's dictionary was printed. 1776 is another year generally accredited. Can anyone tell me what happened that year?
  • (Brief pause)
  • Student: We broke off from y'all.

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