Brand New:
Overseen in Athens


For years you've been watching your tongue so that what you say doesn't end up here. Now, you'll have to watch how you look. You never know who has a camera.

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Quotes Filed Under "In class"


sam adams the study buddy

3 [+ / -]     May 13, 2009

  • Fratty 1: Dude, are you ready for the final? I'm nervous.
  • Fratty 2: Not me. I had a beer to calm the nerves.
  • Fratty 1: You had a beer?
  • Fratty 2: Yeah, a beer or two. I got to pee.

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i'll be absent for that, thank you

50 [+ / -]     Apr 30, 2009

  • (Professor's contact falls out)
  • Professor: Crap, I'll have to be blind for the rest of class. Let me increase my nuts.
  • (The class stares)
  • Professor: Notes, I mean notes.

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and for my next trick...

-10 [+ / -]     Apr 21, 2009

  • TA: So when I turn around, my ass is going be wet.
  • (Class stares for ten seconds)
  • TA: It's not what you think.

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everything i need to know about life i learned at hogwarts

69 [+ / -]     Apr 18, 2009

  • Professor: So what do we know about unicorns? What is it that they stand for?
  • Guy 1: They're uncatchable.
  • Girl 1: They're, like, really pure. So, like, purity.
  • Guy 2: Immortality.
  • Guy 3: In Harry Potter you're not supposed to kill them.

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two birds, one stone

159 [+ / -]     Apr 15, 2009

  • Professor: If you two don't stop that, I'll have to separate you.
  • Student: She's sharing my book with me.
  • Professor: Oh... I thought you were just touching her to make yourself happy.

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if you can't beat 'em, mug 'em

275 [+ / -]     Apr 09, 2009

  • (The door opens at the bottom of a classroom in the middle of a lecture)
  • Voice: I'm going to shit on your face, Brittany G!
  • (Professor looks out door then runs out, chasing after the intruder for two minutes and comes back)
  • Student: What happened?
  • Professor: (puts a wallet on the podium) I took his wallet.
  • (Professor continues on with lecture like nothing happened)

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oh cum all ye faithful

-2 [+ / -]     Apr 06, 2009

  • Professor: What if God made your entire 80 year life like one extended orgasm? Wouldn't that just be awesome? I think it would. Orgasms are awesome.

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he's rocking his own stimulus package

137 [+ / -]     Mar 27, 2009

  • (Economics class is talking about California's plan to legalize marijuana for tax profits)
  • Professor: The government could get away with slapping a huge tax on pot because people would be willing to pay it. It's already expensive enough trying to sneak around and buy pot illegally.
  • (class is silent for 15-20 seconds)
  • Professor: I would assume.

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a math lesson that won't be on the final

128 [+ / -]     Mar 22, 2009

  • Professor: Way way back I was teaching an intro class, and I get this Christmas card from a student that says, "Hope I get an A!" and has five hundred dollars in it. I tell the dean of students and he tells me to handle it on my own. So I get the student in my office, we talk about it, I give him back the three hundred dollars and that was that.

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unless of course they're heroin muffins

133 [+ / -]     Mar 16, 2009

  • Professor: Really the only thing that grows in Afghanistan is poppies. And there are only three things you can do with poppies - make poppy seed bagels, poppy seed muffins, and make heroin. And you aren't going to make a lot of money from the muffins.

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he meant top-money, not your favorite

-46 [+ / -]     Mar 15, 2009

  • Economics Teacher: What's the top import in the United States?
  • Guy 1: Oil!
  • Girl: Cars!
  • Guy 2: Marijuana!

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well, i did it on my own time and wasn't paid, but i swear it was a job

14 [+ / -]     Mar 14, 2009

  • Professor: So I had this job removing eyes from dead people... it was creepy as shit. That whole, "the eyes are the window to the soul" thing, yeah it messes you up. What if someone's soul just popped out while I was cutting the muscles around the eye?

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eating disorder? what eating disorder?

73 [+ / -]     Feb 25, 2009

  • Tennis Instructor: Do any of you know why it's important have a low BMI?
  • Student: Because it means you're healthier.
  • Tennis Instructor: Well yes... but more importantly, you look better naked.

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too much information

56 [+ / -]     Feb 24, 2009

  • Professor: Why do we do what people tell us to do?
  • Student: Submission is hot.

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no, we only accept anonymous forum posts and wikipedia

19 [+ / -]     Feb 24, 2009

  • Girl: If we find an article in a library, does it count as a scholarly source?

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its sad when even professors think thursday is the weekend

78 [+ / -]     Feb 18, 2009

  • Professor: It's referring to how the different organs in your body perform different functions. Your heart pumps blood and your liver helps you recover from Thursday night.

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that way he won't have to get her anything next year

183 [+ / -]     Feb 17, 2009

  • Teacher: Did anyone get anything good for Valentine's Day?
  • Guy: My girlfriend got me Breathe Right strips. I was like, what is this supposed to mean? I think I'm going to get her some jogging shoes.
  • (Silence)
  • Teacher: I would suggest you don't do that.

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hearing voices doesn't necessarily make you nuts

66 [+ / -]     Feb 17, 2009

  • Religion Professor: I spend most of my time in the ancient world. I don't have TV or Internet. If you need to get in contact with me, meditate and speak with me and we can talk. I also am a compulsive liar because I like telling exciting stories about religion.

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now the trick is to stop thinking about them

66 [+ / -]     Feb 12, 2009

  • Professor: Are intellectual pleasures more satisfying than bodily pleasures? Okay, everyone think of your favorite bodily pleasure.
  • (class laughs)
  • Professor: Oh, I know what all of you are thinking.

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billmurraphobia: a fear of insignificant holidays

46 [+ / -]     Feb 04, 2009

  • Italian Teacher: Can someone please explain to me what Groundhog Day is?
  • Sorostitute: It's like all these paparazzi are around this groundhog and everyone makes a big deal about it, and the mayor of the town shows up, and it's supposed to say how cold it's going to be. It's just an excuse for Boondock, Pennsylvania to feel important.

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oh crap... i hear banjos!

161 [+ / -]     Feb 03, 2009

  • Professor: Last wednesday we discussed what a good argument would be for believing that Obama will succeed in office, today it will be the opposite.
  • (Professor waits for hands to go up)
  • Redneck: (eventually raising his hand) Well... he is black.
  • (The entire class looks at him)
  • Redneck: I'm only kidding, for Christ's sake, I was gonna vote for him if he wasn't a liberal... and a Muslim communist extremist.

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or maybe they were too busy getting a decent education

80 [+ / -]     Jan 27, 2009

  • Professor: So does anyone know why Rhode Island didn't send delegates to the convention?
  • Female Student: Because they were really little?
  • Fratty: Because they were an island. They didn't have cars.

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turns out it's death by non sequitur

23 [+ / -]     Jan 16, 2009

  • Fratty 1: That projector doesn't look safe. I wouldn't sit under it.
  • Fratty 2: Oh, I'm not. When I'm in a room I go ahead and look around to figure out all the ways the Final Destination movie would try to kill me.
  • Fratty 1: Oh... so did you get with that chick last night?

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che frattastica!

115 [+ / -]     Jan 10, 2009

  • Teacher: (in Italian) What are some of the physical attributes of an average UGA student?
  • (Students offer suggestions)
  • Teacher: (in Italian) Short hair, blond hair, medium height, sportive. What else?
  • Student: How do you say North Face in Italian?

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#24   now, back to our discussion about the size of uranus...

510 [+ / -]     Dec 24, 2008

  • Student: So where does Europium come from?
  • Chemistry Teacher: (slowly) I don't have any opium...

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he's the oprah of rocks

209 [+ / -]     Dec 18, 2008

  • (First day of Honors Geology, after a student has just answered a question about plate tectonics)
  • Professor: That's correct. What's your previous experience with Earth Science?
  • Student: Bill Nye, sir.
  • Professor: What?
  • Student: You know, the Science Guy.

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a luxury he never had when he was young

28 [+ / -]     Dec 11, 2008

  • Professor: They are actually starting to make brain games that make kids more smarter.

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the world must be peopled

143 [+ / -]     Dec 11, 2008

  • Biology Teacher: This is what we call selective mating, how many of us mate with anyone we bump into?
  • (Pause)
  • Biology Teacher: Other than Friday and Saturday nights?

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that's the last time i sign up for a class with dr. dre

12 [+ / -]     Dec 08, 2008

  • (Professor is taking about a quiz application on Facebook)
  • Professor: Some of you will find that you might be higher than how high you think you are.
  • (laughter)
  • Professor: I meant the results on the quiz!

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and he had a tossed salad for lunch

66 [+ / -]     Dec 05, 2008

  • Professor: Asian-Americans were usually depicted in this way due to the taint of their reputations in World War II. Yes, I said taint. It used to mean something else.

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he was really magic

89 [+ / -]     Dec 05, 2008

  • History TA: Now, does anybody remember anything about AIDS from when you were a child?
  • Girl 1: Yeah, there was that one basketball player that had it. I think his name was LA Lakers or something.
  • Girl 2: Yeah, I remember that.

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what does he do to people he hates?

-12 [+ / -]     Dec 03, 2008

  • Teacher: (discussing harsh grading on papers) If I crap on you, it's because I love you.
  • Student: Yeah, I crap on the people I love too.

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plus, babies just taste gross

34 [+ / -]     Dec 02, 2008

  • (During a class discussion of Jonathan Swift's A Modest Proposal)
  • Sorostitute: I think his ideas are offensive, personally. This is, like, kind of sick. It's practically advocating abortions.
  • Professor: It's a satire.
  • Sorostitute: Still, the overall message is pretty terrible.

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that class trip to mexicali wasn't as helpful as the teacher hoped

76 [+ / -]     Dec 01, 2008

  • Girl: How do you say...
  • Teacher: Ah ah ah... en español!
  • Girl: Oh right, sorry. Cómo se dice "taco" en español?

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at least she's willing to share

70 [+ / -]     Nov 28, 2008

  • Girl 1: Ohmigod, he totally felt me up!
  • Girl 2: Shut up, when?
  • Girl 1: Yesterday. We were taking a picture together and he grabbed my ass. I was like, yeah! Finally, Lucas!
  • Girl 2: Did anything else happen!?
  • GIrl 1: Well, I kind of think he felt up Julia later on, but I don't even care!
  • Girl 2: Yeah, seriously!

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we'd recommend a laxative for that

102 [+ / -]     Nov 21, 2008

  • Student: A faculty bathroom? What's that supposed to mean?
  • Religion teacher: It means I can poop there and you can't.

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actually, it's where he learned to speak english

71 [+ / -]     Nov 19, 2008

  • Professor: So what makes Israel so important to the Jewish people?
  • Student: That's where Jesus grew up.
  • Professor: Well, not exactly... but, okay.

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aren't they doing background checks yet?

142 [+ / -]     Nov 05, 2008

  • Professor (to a student who is texting): Show me what's between your legs!

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still rubbing it in, over 200 years later

125 [+ / -]     Nov 04, 2008

  • British Professor: Many different dates are attributed as the end of the Middle English Period. 1775 is the year Johnson's dictionary was printed. 1776 is another year generally accredited. Can anyone tell me what happened that year?
  • (Brief pause)
  • Student: We broke off from y'all.

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