Brand New:
Overseen in Athens


For years you've been watching your tongue so that what you say doesn't end up here. Now, you'll have to watch how you look. You never know who has a camera.

Here's the link
 

Quotes Filed Under "On the phone"


ah, sportsmanship

-38 [+ / -]     May 15, 2009

  • Football player on cell: Yeah man, I gave her herpes.
  • (pause)
  • Football player on cell: Nah, man, I'm not gonna tell her! She doesn't need to worry about that. She needs to be more worried about getting rid of that baby in her stomach.

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just in time for mother's day

66 [+ / -]     Apr 09, 2009

  • Sorostitute on Cell: You know, I should tell him that I can't fill out my shirt so that he'll get me a boob job.
  • (pause)
  • Sorostitute on Cell: No way, Mom! You're getting one? Can we get them together?

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a risky investment in this economy

-52 [+ / -]     Apr 01, 2009

  • Drunk fratty on cell: Man, I just spent $65 downtown tonight.
  • (pause)
  • Drunk fratty on cell: Yeah I'm going to hate myself in the morning.
  • (pause)
  • Drunk fratty on cell: Yeah, really going to hate myself in the morning. I'm broke. The only way it will be worth it is if that girl answers her phone.

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and the dog is in jail

-48 [+ / -]     Mar 31, 2009

  • Woman on cell: I can't go anywhere. He got a DUI, so now my car's in the pound.

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sounds like that's how things are already

80 [+ / -]     Mar 30, 2009

  • Sorostitute on Cell: Why do you want to make our relationship official on Facebook?
  • (pause)
  • Sorostitute on Cell: Wait, so you think I'm going to cheat on you if our relationship is not FBO?
  • (pause)
  • Sorostitute on Cell: You know what I could do? I can make it so that you can see that we're in a relationship, but nobody else can!

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mommy just can't let go of her little girl

86 [+ / -]     Feb 01, 2009

  • Girl on cell: Mom, oh my gosh, I told you... I'm not that girl anymore. I am not a slut anymore! Why can't you understand that?!

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and she probably pronounces it "expresso"

-36 [+ / -]     Jan 20, 2009

  • Girl on cell: Oh my God, I'm at a coffee shop but I don't really like coffee. Wait, does chocolate have any caffeine in it?
  • (pause)
  • Girl on cell: Oh, good! I think I'll get myself a mocha.

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that's how you know you spelled it right

-6 [+ / -]     Dec 13, 2008

  • high school girl 1: (Sending a text message) How do you spell "cocky?"
  • high school girl 2: C-O-C-Y.
  • high school girl 1: (types it) That looks like "cookie!"
  • high school girl 2: Yeah, it does.

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technology brings people together

235 [+ / -]     Nov 27, 2008

  • Girl on cell: Yes, Mom, I know. Just don't tell Dad I've been taking the pill. He'd fucking kill me.
  • (pause)
  • Girl on cell: What do you mean I'm on speakerphone!?

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mother knows best

86 [+ / -]     Nov 24, 2008

  • Guy on cell: Yeah, man, I have a date lined up for every day next week. Oh, yeah, well, I already know she's gonna dump me Friday, and I can't do anything about it. Yeah, her friend told me. Well, I was tellin' my mom about it, and she said, "You're in Athens, though! There are way more girls than guys there, and they're all easy! You should just go out and get laid as much as possible, by lots of girls!" So I'm gonna do that.

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looks like the ventriloquism classes are going well

176 [+ / -]     Nov 20, 2008

  • Guy: I give hugs for free!
  • Girl 1: (loudly) Well I give sexual favors for hugs!
  • Girl 2: (at next table) What? No, Mom! That wasn't me talking!

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is that pass / fail?

-36 [+ / -]     Nov 17, 2008

  • Patron: I would like to register.
  • WatchDawg: What are you registering for?
  • Patron: A ride home.

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the ties that bind

-46 [+ / -]     Nov 13, 2008

  • Guy on cell: Hey grandma! I'm about to go to work but I'm filling out info for student loans for when I go to Spain. I need two references and I used mom as the first, and you're next in line, so.... okay, great! How do you spell your first name? S-U-S-A-N. And what's your middle name?

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this is why god gave us ebay

209 [+ / -]     Nov 10, 2008

  • Cashier: (on phone) Yeah, uh huh... sure, sure. Let me place you on hold for just a second, sir, while I go look.
  • (presses button on phone)
  • Cashier: (screaming) Hey! This perv wants to know if we have any inflatable male sex dolls! Do we?
  • Guy on Phone: Um, you put me on speaker phone, not hold. (click)

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this is not a test... i repeat, this is not a test

71 [+ / -]     Nov 07, 2008

  • WatchDawgs guy fielding a call: I'm not a recording... really... you can talk directly to me.

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never trust anyone who can make marzipan from scratch

60 [+ / -]     Nov 05, 2008

  • Girl on Cell: I made some marzipan from scratch yesterday. My roommate said it tasted good, but I think she only flatters me because she's convinced I'd kill her in sleep otherwise. Not like I would. Everyone would think it was me anyway 'cause I'm black. Or crazy. Whateves.

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it certainly gets around

-16 [+ / -]     Oct 20, 2008

  • Kid on cell: So is this weed skank, or what?

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would you like to make it a fatty?

42 [+ / -]     Oct 09, 2008

  • (Guy is talking on his cell phone standing in line ordering a wrap)
  • Guy on cell: Yeah, lemme get some cheese. Yeah dude, alright. So he only sells dimes and quarters, but it's real cheap. And some jalapeños. Okay, that's straight. We'll chill later. Just go buy some.

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isn't "mogwai" gaelic for "vajay jay"?

15 [+ / -]     Sep 25, 2008

  • Excited guy on cell: (ordering a PBR while trying to convince his buddy to head on down to the rock show and scope some tail) There is Vajay Jay a-plenty here, don't be a McStupid and get your ass down here.

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put down the freud and back away

52 [+ / -]     Sep 11, 2008

  • Sorostitute on cell: So, I'm gonna sleep with him in Daddy's bed. Wait, Daddy's gonna be home this weekend.

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after a certain point you should just let them go

148 [+ / -]     Sep 11, 2008

  • Hungover Sorostitute on cell: Hey, is this SandBar? Okay, did you find any panties in the women's bathroom last night?

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i see london, i see france

98 [+ / -]     Sep 04, 2008

  • Girl on cell: (entering crowded elevator) And then he looked at me and said, "Nice panties." I was like, "Ugh, you have a wife. I could get you fired."

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oh, that one!

77 [+ / -]     Sep 04, 2008

  • Girl on cell: Yeah, we're right by the frat house... the one with the white columns.

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there may be better options for getting your abdominal workout

59 [+ / -]     Aug 26, 2008

  • Sorostitute on cell: Yeah, we took a bunch of pledges out last night. They were throwing up in the frat house, they were throwing up on the floor, they were throwing up on the elevator...
  • (pauses)
  • Sorostitute: Yeah, it was really fun.

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wait... we are talking about facebook, right?

19 [+ / -]     Aug 25, 2008

  • (While waiting at the Georgia Center bus stop)
  • Guy on cell: Dude! You've been poking her all day? That means she's been poking you back!

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college is about making the effort to go to class

108 [+ / -]     Aug 21, 2008

  • (Fratty stumbles into a bathroom stall in the Chemistry building on the first day of class)
  • Fratty: (on phone) Dude, can you drag your butt out of bed and check my Oasis to see if I have a class right now? I'm really drunk and I can't remember.
  • (Fratty leaves the bathroom stumbling through the door on the way out)
  • Fratty: Thanks man, guess I'll head to calculus now.

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depends if the wifi can reach that far

68 [+ / -]     Aug 19, 2008

  • Sorostitute on cell: I want to study abroad, but, well... I just don't know. Do you think they'll have international Internet?

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only because she refuses to sleep with you

48 [+ / -]     Jul 30, 2008

  • Guy on cell: And you know what, dude? I don't even think of her as as a stripper, I just think of her as this really hot girl I get to hang out with.

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ironically, his second album is titled "exclusive"

83 [+ / -]     Jul 12, 2008

  • Girl on cell: Look baby, if we just break up for one day it won't be cheating
  • (pause)
  • Girl on cell: Don't yell at me!
  • (pause)
  • Girl on cell: Well, what if it was Chris Brown?
  • (pause)
  • Girl on cell: No, its not.

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those are not mutually exclusive

18 [+ / -]     Jun 28, 2008

  • Woman: (in dressing room on cell) I think this is too small... well, either my titties are too big or this is too small.

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somehow i don't think she'll be the only one

48 [+ / -]     Jun 01, 2008

  • Sorostitute on cell: Hey, are you going to the party tonight?
  • (pause)
  • Sorostitute on cell: Awesome, look for me. I'll be the one on the floor.

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it's always good to diversify your client base

37 [+ / -]     May 23, 2008

  • Cashier: (on phone) Why yes, we do have pink chiffon for homosexuals!

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viagra vs. steroids, round 1, ding!

34 [+ / -]     May 17, 2008

  • Guy on cell: Don't fuck with me! I'm harder than your strongest erection!

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too bad beer goggles don't come with a beer muzzle

-36 [+ / -]     May 13, 2008

  • Guy on cell: Dude, I've been making out with the hottest girl all night!
  • (surrounding group cheers for him)
  • Guy on cell: She's the hottest girl I've ever made out with! We've been all over each other at the Winery. Her tongue was down my throat! I really hope she wants to see me again because she said, "I want to see you again." She had a hot body dude, but even her mind was hot because she could like stop kissing me and we'd look at each other and I could just tell her mind is totally hot!

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it's been even longer since she paused to breathe

78 [+ / -]     May 12, 2008

  • Sorostitute: I really want a muffin because they are so good. But I was on the phone with Momma one time in line here and I told her I was about to get a muffin. She said, "you know what happens to girls who eat muffins right? they get muffin tops." Then I looked over and this, like, huge girl was eating a muffin. So I was like, oh my gosh she's right. I haven't had a muffin in like six months.

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and where the hell did i put that map?

33 [+ / -]     May 09, 2008

  • (Drunk Girl is walking around Russell Hall, talking on cell phone)
  • Drunk Girl on cell: I'm dying! I'm dying!
  • (pause)
  • Drunk Girl on cell: No, I'm walking into Molly O' Sheas right now. Okay, now I'm walking to Sandbar. Yes, see you in a minute.
  • (She walks towards Russell)
  • Drunk Girl on cell:I think, wait, now I'm at sandbar. Help!

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don't ask, don't tell, please don't take my class again

56 [+ / -]     May 09, 2008

  • Guy on cell: Yeah, I got a D in Chemistry.
  • (pause)
  • Guy on cell: It's totally awesome because I was failing... I mean, I had a 40 in the class but I totally flirted with the professor and he passed me!
  • (pause)
  • Guy on cell: Yeah, I wore really short soccer shorts and unbuttoned my shirt to show off my pecs.

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the thirteenth step is always the hardest

34 [+ / -]     May 09, 2008

  • (Guy is talking on his cell phone, wearing a Coors Light shirt and hip waders)
  • Guy on cell: How the hell did you get there?
  • (pause)
  • Guy on cell: You've got a drinkin' problem!
  • (pause)
  • Guy on cell: I told you how bad it was when I got my last DUI!
  • (pause)
  • Guy on cell: Yeah, I'm gettin' the beer. I'll be there in a few minutes.

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the girls on the bus go round and round

57 [+ / -]     May 03, 2008

  • Girl on phone: Hey... I'm good.
  • (pause)
  • Girl on phone: (whispering) I can't! I'm on the bus.
  • (pause)
  • Girl on phone: (getting louder) I told you! I'm on the bus... I can't!
  • (pause)
  • Girl on phone: Why do you always have to talk about it?
  • (pause)
  • Girl on phone: (yelling) I was screaming, wasn't I? What more do you want?
  • (She hangs up and runs off the bus)
  • Guy: Let me off, I need her number!

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parents have their homework, too

87 [+ / -]     May 02, 2008

  • Girl on Cell: I'm going to the library, mom.
  • (pause)
  • Girl on Cell: No, not the bar. The UGA library. Wait, why do you know about the bar called The Library?

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in a galaxy far far away, fratties invade geekdom

-23 [+ / -]     Apr 28, 2008

  • Fratty 1: (answers cell phone) Hey Obi-Wan!
  • Fratty 2: Isn't that a Star Wars reference?
  • Fratty 3: Yeah, it is.
  • Fratty 2: Wow! He's ballin'!

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good, now that we're agreed...

88 [+ / -]     Apr 26, 2008

  • Girl On Cell: What!? I haven't heard from you in two weeks and you call to tell me you want me to have your babies!?
  • (pause)
  • Girl On Cell: No, no, no. Fuck that and fuck you!
  • Guy: (yelling audibly through the phone) That's what I'm asking you to do!

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college is about managing your extra-curricular activities

10 [+ / -]     Apr 22, 2008

  • Girl on Cell: You would think she would learn to not be such a slut, I mean she's had like three abortions, she can't have any more!

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"...are we still on for that self-help seminar?"

86 [+ / -]     Apr 20, 2008

  • Guy on Cell: Well, I don't like police 'cause my ex-girl left me for a cop.
  • (Pause)
  • Guy on Cell: Yeah, my roommate gets back from rehab today.
  • (Pause)
  • Guy on Cell: Good luck with that whole abortion thing. What are you doing this weekend?

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in court, a text message is called "evidence"

57 [+ / -]     Apr 12, 2008

  • Girl: I'm text flirting with this guy and he said he wants to roofie me.
  • Guy: What?
  • Girl: Yeah, why does he want to take me on a roof anyway?

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which, by the way, is a great place to talk on the phone

158 [+ / -]     Apr 12, 2008

  • Girl on Cell: I couldn't believe he did that... ew, I just heard someone peeing!
  • Voice From Stall: That's cause you're in a bathroom, dumbass.

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which must mean he's a shitty boyfriend

225 [+ / -]     Apr 06, 2008

  • Guy on Cell: Yeah, I finally found out what happened to my boxers the other night when Katie and I got naked at her apartment. She called me the next day and said her cat had buried them in its litter box.

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