Quotes Filed Under "Pwn!"


this is either very psycho or very clever

60 [+ / -]     Aug 19, 2008

  • (Fratty asks Sorostitute for her number)
  • Sorostitute: Only if you will you text me randomly to tell me that you love me.

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sounds like someone's hot light is on

-3 [+ / -]     Aug 19, 2008

  • Drunk Guy 1: Fuck you!
  • Drunk Guy 2: Dude, there's a Krispy Kreme dozen's worth of glaze between me and your eyes, so calm the hell down.

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click here to add the horrible in bed application

122 [+ / -]     Aug 18, 2008

  • Guy: Man, I was drunk as shit last night. Dude, I hooked up with a freshman. I don't think she liked it though, I tried to friend her on Facebook and she blocked me.

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productive and cathartic... what more can you ask for?

117 [+ / -]     Aug 02, 2008

  • Tired Employee: God dammit! I just wanna beat the fuckin' shit outta something!
  • Boss: I've got an idea. Why don't you take a broom and use it to beat the fuck out of this floor?

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isn't the patchouli supposed to fix that?

53 [+ / -]     Jul 21, 2008

  • Hippie Girl: Well he is great... he is attractive, great with words, writes me wonderful poetry, and in tune with nature. I just don't know if all of that is enough to make up for the terrible B.O.

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careful what you wish for... they have night sticks

241 [+ / -]     Jul 14, 2008

  • (As Drunk Guy is getting arrested by the cops and put in cop car)
  • Cop: Any requests?
  • Drunk Guy: Yeah... 95.5 The Beat!

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he's now wishing he hadn't played that game of never have i ever

-33 [+ / -]     Jul 13, 2008

  • Girl: Well, she lost her virginity at, like, 23.
  • Guy: Damn, she beat me!
  • Girl: Yeah, but you lost your virginity to a guy.
  • Guy: What?!

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on failing an oral exam

7 [+ / -]     Jul 07, 2008

  • (Overheard during karaoke at The Clermont Lounge)
  • Girl on stage: I still wanna sing, you're being mean.
  • Karaoke guy: Lady, if you were as oral as your are mouthy don't you think your boyfriend would have taken you to meet his parents instead of the fuckin' Clermont?!

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who also happens to be a smartass

72 [+ / -]     Jul 03, 2008

  • Guy 1: I have to be inside before sunrise.
  • Guy 2: Why? You a reverse vampire?
  • Guy 1: No. Regular kind.

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leave mom out of it

147 [+ / -]     Jul 01, 2008

  • (A young guy is walking down the street holding hands with a much older, not so attractive lady)
  • Bum: Boy, you're had too much to drink!

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don't forget to get a protective case

1 [+ / -]     Jun 21, 2008

  • Customer: Do you know where a Mac store is?
  • Sales Associate: Yeah, I think there is one at Northpoint Mall. Why? Are you thinking about buying a computer?
  • Customer: No... I need to buy some lip gloss.

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that's just barbicide. common mistake.

-22 [+ / -]     Jun 17, 2008

  • Sorostitute: Holy Fuck! it smells like fucking poverty in here!

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and he wonders why no one comes to office hours

215 [+ / -]     Jun 10, 2008

  • Professor: Sorry class is running late. I'm writing a letter of recommendation for a student.
  • (Pause)
  • Professor: How do you spell "douchebag?"

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and then they took the twenty

126 [+ / -]     Jun 09, 2008

  • (Guy and Girl are sitting at the bar at Waffle House, next to a man who passed out by his food)
  • Girl: Dumbass... who passes out in a Waffle House?
  • Guy: Well, we can't just let his food go to waste.
  • Girl: True.
  • (Guy eats most of his food, then Drunk Guy wakes up)
  • Drunk Guy: Is this my food? Where did it go?
  • Guy: You ate it all. Don't you remember? You must have blacked out.
  • Drunk Guy: Oh, damn.
  • (Drunk Guy gets up and throws a twenty on the bar)

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royalty works a bit differently in the south

57 [+ / -]     Jun 04, 2008

  • Drunk Sorostitute: So where are you from?
  • Drunk Guy 1: Oh, I'm the Prince of Dubai.
  • Drunk Sorostitute: Oh, what about you? Where are you from?
  • Drunk guy 2: Texas.
  • Drunk Sorostitute: No way! You're from texas?! How exciting! Me too!

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