Brand New:
Overseen in Athens


For years you've been watching your tongue so that what you say doesn't end up here. Now, you'll have to watch how you look. You never know who has a camera.

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Top rated quotes


#1   remember kids, you talk louder when you're drunk

1544 [+ / -]     Sep 27, 2007

  • Guy: That motherfucking cop has driven past here twice in the last fifteen minutes.
  • Cop: (on car's loudspeaker) I'm not a motherfucker.

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#2   now that's grace under pressure

1443 [+ / -]     Oct 08, 2007

  • Drunk sorostitute: (as she's being handcuffed and escorted to the paddywagon) Shotgun!

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#3   something tells me this wasn't in the dr. spock parenting book

1187 [+ / -]     Mar 01, 2007

  • Girl on cell: I don't see sleeping with her boyfriend as a bad thing. He said he didn't even like her anyways, so whatever, let people call me a slut. Ok mom, I love you too.

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#4   too late

1050 [+ / -]     Feb 09, 2008

  • Sorostitute on cell: Hey! My lucky red thong came through for me! He actually wanted to... hey, let me call you back... I think some people here are listening and I don't want this all over the Internet.

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#5   ask a stupid question...

964 [+ / -]     Mar 27, 2008

  • ER Doctor: Is there any chance that you are pregnant?
  • Female Patient: No.
  • ER Doctor: Are you sexually active?
  • Female Patient: Yes.
  • ER Doctor: Then how can you be sure you're not pregnant?
  • Female Patient: (pointing to her female friend) Because I'm sexually active with her.

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#6   congratulations, you're hired

932 [+ / -]     Feb 04, 2008

  • Management professor: If you suspected someone was smoking marijuana on the job, what would you look for?
  • Guy: Doritos?

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#7   if you take medical leave they put "BRB"

896 [+ / -]     Sep 28, 2006

  • Sorostitute: Don't drop your class after the midpoint. I did that last semester and I think they got mad, because now I have a "WTF" on my transcript.

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#8   i bet the mid-term's going to be an ape

858 [+ / -]     Jan 15, 2007

  • Poli-sci prof: (puts a picture of a panda bear on overhead projector) Well, normally we'd talk about the syllabus right now but our department's so cheap they couldn't print a syllabus for each of you, so I'll show you a picture of a panda instead.

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#9   large ones. that are on fire. with spikes.

839 [+ / -]     Sep 19, 2006

  • Bus driver: Attention passengers, the next stop is physics. If you got on at Tate and get off here, you will be beaten to death with stones.

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#10   that's one midterm i wouldn't want to fail

839 [+ / -]     Jan 05, 2008

  • Anthropology professor: As you can see in this photograph, the chair, or throne, is supported by 4 human skulls. Now, I must ask you, what kind of a leader sits on a throne of skulls?
  • (Silence from students)
  • Anthropology professor: A badass, that's who.

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#11   i think we have a new blonde joke

803 [+ / -]     May 05, 2006

  • TA: Please don't forget to put your social, it's hell trying to figure out the scantrons when you don't.
  • Sorostitute: (to friend) Isn't it confusing for them to have to match all the different socials to the right sororities? I've never understood why I have to put the date of my last social anyway.

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#12   college is going to be so easy!

760 [+ / -]     Jul 30, 2006

  • Freshman girl 1: I have one professor teaching three of my classes!
  • Freshman girl 2: What's his name?
  • Freshman girl 1: Staff.

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#13   either way, you

750 [+ / -]     Sep 17, 2006

  • Girl: I'm so sick. It's all your fault!
  • Guy: Listen, unless you've got gonorrhea, it's not my fault.

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#14   and your ass for a hat

723 [+ / -]     Nov 09, 2007

  • Girl: (as she walks into Snelling) Wow, I've never noticed how dark it is in here before!
  • Guy: That's because you are still wearing your sunglasses.

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#15   abortion in the sixty third trimester? an idea whose time has come

718 [+ / -]     Mar 24, 2007

  • Protester: What do you think of abortion?
  • Guy: I'm a guy, I don't have an opinion.
  • Protester: If you were forced to pick sides?
  • Guy: I'd say late term ones are OK.
  • Protester: How late?
  • Guy: I'd say no later than after they are 20 years old.
  • (Protester's jaw drop)
  • Guy: You don't know if they are worth a shit till they are like 18, then ya figure a year or 2 to decide if you want to keep em.

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#16   it isn't blowing it if it comes from your daddy

714 [+ / -]     May 04, 2007

  • Girl 1: (after Girl 2 gives some money to a homeless guy) Why'd you do that? You know he's just gonna blow it on booze.
  • Girl 2: And we weren't?

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#17   at least she's legal for something...

710 [+ / -]     Jun 06, 2007

  • Sorostitute: (Screaming, dancing on top of a table in a bar downtown) Today's my birthday! Today I'm 19! Woooo!
  • Bouncer: You've got to be kidding...
  • (Sorostitute is promptly thrown out)

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#18   i always hated logic puzzles

629 [+ / -]     Mar 09, 2006

  • Girl on phone: Mommy, my nose is pierced, I'm marrying a girl, I'm in love with a gay boy, and I'm pregnant. One of these is false. Goodbye.

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#19   that line works every time

621 [+ / -]     Jun 09, 2007

  • Fratty: Do you even know where your G-spot is?
  • Drunk sorostitute: Yeah, isn't it somewhere in your ass? That's what they always tell me.

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#20   i thought all of these situations started on myspace

614 [+ / -]     May 04, 2006

  • (Last day of class)
  • Teacher: Okay, now lets talk about your grades. Go shut the door please.
  • (5 seconds later)
  • Teacher: Okay, now I'm going to need something from all of you, and it's going to be oral.

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#21   "...not so loud, man... i'm still hung over"

596 [+ / -]     Mar 27, 2008

  • Professor: So who pretty much got trashed this weekend?
  • (about half raise their hands)
  • Proressor: (yells) Awesome! You guys are first up to give your presentations.

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#22   the only one he'll ever see

586 [+ / -]     May 02, 2007

  • (Teacher puts a giant photo of a vagina on overhead)
  • Camera phone: (click)

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#23   he calls em like he sees em

571 [+ / -]     Apr 10, 2006

  • Sorority girl: We have to get to Power Hour! It ends in 6 minutes!
  • (Girls start running towards Bourbon Street)
  • Homeless man: Run, sorositutes, run!

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#24   now, back to our discussion about the size of uranus...

548 [+ / -]     Dec 24, 2008

  • Student: So where does Europium come from?
  • Chemistry Teacher: (slowly) I don't have any opium...

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#25   these are the same people that put a nickel in the tip jar

493 [+ / -]     Mar 24, 2008

  • Girl on Cell: Hi, I'd like a six inch turkey on wheat, please.
  • Employee: You do know that we sell smoothies, right? Subway is next door.
  • Girl on Cell: Yeah, I want six inch turkey on wheat, please. Toasted.

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